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#233956 - 06/26/08 10:29 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Liv2124]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Hauser
Rob, let us not forget that all of your (current) woes are the fault of a woman that you married, a woman that is not being faithful to her vows to stay with you, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, etc. Have you forgotten this? Just thought I would offer this friendly reminder.

I don't consider her evil, per say, but I consider a shallow character who's putting her own life above the lives of her family, and, in particular, her children. Am I judging her? YES.


Lorie and I HAVE gone through a ton of shit together. NONE of this is easy on her either. Who can be prepared to deal with all this being released from a spouse. Who knows what the "adequate reaction" is?

Hauser, you are certainly welcome to judge as you see fit. I'm not there with you however. Nothing (esp in marriage) is so black and white.

Originally Posted By: Liv2124
Is entering into something for better or worse, still applicable, if you've never been given the fine print?


Liv,

This is probably the best positioning of the issue I've ever seen. In this modern era of supposedly "enlightened disclosure," do we even know where the "for better or worse" stuff applies. Its old baggage that was not disclosed.

Well put Liv...and very tangible.

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#236115 - 07/05/08 04:59 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
My husband kept his abuse from me our entire relationship, which is going on 2 decades now for fear I would leave him. Him keeping that from me created terrible results. His finally telling me has created healing for both him and I. It's given our relationship a chance to be healthy for the first time. I'm more in love with that man today then I ever was when he was pushing me away for reason I didn't know....

Be careful in telling everyone that telling anyone is bad.

Of course I can't "understand". It didn't happen to me, I can however try. I can be there and I can love him and if he had not told me our relationship would have ended, I had one foot out the door. Our 3 kids are better off now that he told me, our family now is doing much better.

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#236121 - 07/05/08 05:28 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: dangal]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Jen,

I'm glad to hear the results were so great and positive. I truly am. YOU clearly handle(d) it well. You love your husband and will see him through this. You are truly a blessing to him.

Everyone and every circumstance is different however. In my marriage, waiting 15 years was too long.

I will maintain my position that disclosure, in general, is comparable to playing with a rattlesnake. There's just no way to truly know how anyone is going to react. The vast majority of people (in my op) cannot possibly handle the news in proper manner.

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#236135 - 07/05/08 06:51 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
I'm sorry things turned out so badly for you. Everyone is different that is correct. I was giving you the flip side of things, sometimes it works out better. Thanks for the kind words Rob.

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#236795 - 07/08/08 01:44 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: dangal]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Some of you may be aware of the situation in Gloucester MA, where a large number of High School GIRLS became pregnant this past school year. That vast majority were impregnated by guys in their 20s.

I bring this up not because it was a disclosure, but it is prima-facia evidence that the public defaults to blaming the sex-abuse victim far too often.

The news of the teen pregnancies were made public and the fingure of blame and shame pointed toward the girls in the well-rehearsed manner we are all so use to.

Some of the messages I've picked up from talk radio and the papers.

"Well...those Gloucester girls have always been easy."
"How can you blame these guys?"
"Gloucester girls go looking for it."
"Welfare efforts begin early in Gloucester."
"What do you expect??? Its Gloucester!!"
"MAN...I wish I grew up in that town!...hehehehe!"

I'm sorry to say I've heard NO comments on the age difference in these cases. The news reported that one of the guys was a 27 yo and many others were in their 20s. Some girls are as young as 13.

The normals behave LIKE F**KING ANIMALS in ANY child sex abuse cases where THEY think there were ANY options open to the victim; Like "why the heck did he go back for more?"

DOUBT ME THAT THEY ACT LIKE ANIMALS???? LOOK AT THIS VIDEO OF A JULY 4 PARADE FROM THE NEIGHBORING TOWN OF BEVERLY. THERE ARE SEVERAL PARADE ENTRIES THAT MOCK THESE GIRLS IN A VERY GROTESQUE MANNER...SO WATCH ALL OF IT PLEASE IF YOU WILL. BTW: IF I WAS PRESENT FOR THIS PARADE, I'D BE IN JAIL TODAY.

Oh...and this is the area I grew up in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwlDoUSyktI

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#236797 - 07/08/08 01:59 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Oh my god!!!! What the fuck is this. Does not compute, does not compute!!! Rob, what is this?????

Please tell me this is not hometown USA. I'm scarred for life, how are these floats in a parade?

What is going on in the good old US of A


OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!

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#236819 - 07/08/08 04:49 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: mogigo]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Yeah Mike,

That's my home turf! Ain't it special \:\) ?

Yeah...disclose to THEM. right!

Notice the children in this parade. Notice all the adults not doing shit to stop this!?!?!? These were the same f**k heads who I had to deal with all through childhood.

Imagine being one of these poor girls in Gloucester.

BTW: Boston Print and TV News Media barely touched this (most covered it not at all). Radio positions it as "may be a bit over the top."

This is from the news paper of note. I could not find this in the print version



Edited by Robbie Brown (07/08/08 05:22 PM)
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#236823 - 07/08/08 05:43 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
FYI, I saw a report on Fox News about this parade this afternoon, so it has now made the national news. At least the rest of the nation will now know about it.

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#236825 - 07/08/08 05:48 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: Still]
evanescentjoy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 46
Hello Rob,

I am very sorry for your negative experience in disclosing.

That said, whenever we firmly insist on a certain view of the world, we will always find things to support that view and demonstrate that our view is correct.

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."
-Anais Nin


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#236827 - 07/08/08 05:55 PM Re: Disclosure Was a Mistake [Re: evanescentjoy]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6365
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
LOL...Yeah...and sometimes we find that supporting evidence on motorized parade floats accompanied by several marching bands passing down Main Street USA.

I didnít have to do much myopic filtering to find this one.

People suck...that's all there is to it.

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