I can understand that one! The only thing I can say, if this helps any, is that we can have anyone in the world tell us to think or feel a certain way. Or, they can try to tell us what is. The unfortunate but empowering reality here is that, it is you and only you that can convince yourself to let go of the guilt. I know you don't enjoy feeling that guilt and you want to change it. However, the reason why it still lies within you is that part of you still believes its your fault. Somewhere deep down, part of you still believes that.
Now, say you were to ask, how do I change that belief? Well, Believe me you will in due time. That's what sucks is the waiting part. Just know you're on the right path. You are where you need to be and things will get better and better. These things take time and they surface in layers. In time, you will have moments of clarity. I say this from my own experience for I have dealt with similar issues. Its strange how it works. One day, I'll be sitting outside, or meditating, or even at work and I'll have a revelation, or moment of clarity about my current state of being. These revelations usually come one at a time. You'll feel a beautiful release and sense of happiness and freedom. Enjoy the moment. It will not be there forever. You will feel pain later like always. However, look at it as one step closer to happiness.
This may or may not make too much sense to you now, but, it will in due time. I promise this to you. In the mean time, what is it about yourself that you are proud of? I'm sure the list is endless.
Stay strong my friend!
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.