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#235268 - 07/02/08 01:17 PM If only you knew...
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I've been reading the posts on this site for the last month, ever since I learned of my husband's CSA. I've been struggling to deal with the news and to educate myself so as to be better prepared to support him.

Many of the family and friends have mentioned writing a letter to their survivors. Some are sent, some are not but what is common is that everyone feels that the writing is therapeutic.

I thought it would be helpful to start compiling a list of things that we wish our survivors knew. For those of us who have yet to write our letters, this might prove to be a good starting point. For those who have already completed their letters, the list will serve as confirmation that they are not alone in their thoughts.

I've included a bit of my "wish list" below. Please add yours! Start out by saying "I wish you knew..." and then put whatever you want to finish the sentence. I am sure that as the list grows, we can be proud of our journeys and can be confident that we have done all that we can to be supportive. Maybe some of us will even share the list with our survivors, as an indication of how much we care and that they are not alone in their fight.

I wish you knew how much you are hurting me
I wish you knew how strong I truly am
I wish you knew how much I have learned and can now cope
I wish you knew what love really meant
I wish you knew that this is your battle to fight but that you don't have to fight it alone
I wish you knew that eventhough you are now a man, I love the little boy you once were
I wish you knew that taking care of my needs is not the same as pleasing your abuser
I wish you knew the difference between someone needing you and someone wanting you
I wish you knew that I am fighting for the man I married, the man I believe you still are
I wish you knew how much I long to see you smile again



Edited by Junefriday (07/02/08 01:35 PM)
_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#235284 - 07/02/08 02:17 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Great idea June!

I wish you knew the man I fell in love with
I wish you knew the brave man I see now
I wish you knew that you aren't a freak
I wish you knew that all of your hard work WILL work
I wish you knew how happy you make me

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#235316 - 07/02/08 05:54 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Trish4850]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
I wish you knew how much I didn't want to let go.
I wish you knew how much you've inspired me.

I wish you knew how much I'll miss you.
I wish you knew how hard it was to say goodbye.

I wish you knew a normal life, one without the hurt and trauma you carry.

I wish you knew that I would lay my life down for you if you would choose the healing path, but I cannot live in denial as you do now.

I wish you knew I don't want someone else, only you.

I wish you knew I really do love you as the man you are.

I wish you knew how to love that little boy inside who is so terrified.

I wish you knew the guys on the MS website.


Indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#235398 - 07/03/08 01:35 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: indygal]
Lee73 Offline


Registered: 05/26/08
Posts: 32
I wish you knew that how I feel about you hasn't changed a bit since I found out

I wish you knew that you have nothing to be ashamed of

I wish you knew what it felt like to enjoy the physical and emotional aspects of being in a relationship with a woman

I wish you knew how much I miss you

I wish you knew that I love you

I wish you knew that letting me go so that I could find someone who "deserves me" isn't what I want

I wish you knew that the silent treatment is killing me

Lee


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#235509 - 07/03/08 03:35 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Lee73]
Wyclef_Bakr Offline


Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Doorstep of Thugz Mansion.
I apologize if I am out of place for responding to this thread.


I wish you knew how proud of you I am.
I wish you knew how sorry I am that I was gone so much.


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#235512 - 07/03/08 03:41 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
This is the sort of thing survivors really need to hear. Thanks for laying it on the line for us.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#235518 - 07/03/08 03:54 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
I wish you knew, in my eyes, there'll never be another "you".

I wish you knew what happened was never about you.

I wish you knew how much I really do love you.


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#235529 - 07/03/08 04:38 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Liv2124]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
I wish you knew, I only want what's best for you, whatever that may be.


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#235543 - 07/03/08 06:12 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: NY Daisy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Wyclef,

You're very welcome here. I personally want to thank you for being here, not only for yourself, but for Nyjah. He and I haven't spoken much, but we've been here together for a long time. He's a good kid and the fact that you're here says you're a good Dad.

Just one or two more:

I wish you knew how grateful I am that you started this journey for me.

I wish you knew how proud I am that you're continuing it for you.

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#238740 - 07/18/08 05:50 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Trish4850]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I wish you knew that happiness can only come from within.

I wish you knew that if you looked inside, deep down inside, you would see the person that I see.

I wish you knew that your actions have consequences.

I wish you knew that only you can help yourself but that it would be worth it.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#238742 - 07/18/08 07:26 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Abigale Offline


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 28
Loc: Northern NJ
This is so hard for me. I am going through so much watching my husband disconnect himself from everyone that loves him so.He is going for help, but insists that I will not be the one he will grow old with. All our dreams that we made together are gone. I am so sad. I know this isn't what this was supposed to be about, sorry.

I wish you knew the man I see everyday.
I wish you knew the happiness I see within you
I wish you knew real love
I wish you knew true happiness
I wish you knew the future


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#238744 - 07/18/08 07:34 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Abigale]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Welcome Abigale,

I'm sorry I didn't see you before now, I've been away from the board for a few days. I'll be back tonight.

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#238861 - 07/18/08 10:37 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Trish4850]
tjnwm Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/14/07
Posts: 6
What a great thread to start--so many of those wishes I wish too.

A few of mine are . . .

I wish you'd have told me when you told me you loved me, so maybe your pain could have been less in all these years.

I wish you knew how much it means to me you told me.

I wish you knew the pain you see in me is tiny to the pain I know you've had.

I wish I could have saved you somehow then.

I wish you would have let me try to save you since.


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#239619 - 07/22/08 10:41 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I wish you knew how special you are and that no one will ever convince me otherwise.

I wish you knew the courage it took for you to let me know you're hurting yet trusted me and i love you bunches.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#240220 - 07/25/08 07:32 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: thecoopstah]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
I wish you knew how to laugh.

I wish you knew how to smile.

I wish you knew what you look like through my eyes.

I wish you knew the man I know.

I wish you knew how to let me love you.

I wish you knew what you want out of life.

I wish you knew how to relax and 'just be'.

I wish you knew that it is ok to disagree, love still remains.

I wish you knew you can push and push - but I will never be gone.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#240362 - 07/26/08 01:03 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
I took the I wish you knew posts and borrowed some, added a ton of my own and gave them to my husband a few weeks ago. Not all of them were positive, yet he read it and kissed me and said thank you baby. I know we are doing well, but I didn't expect him to take the bad as well as the good...sheesh, happily suprised in seattle!

this is an amazing place for us ladies. Don't go anywhere k?

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#240604 - 07/27/08 08:14 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Enough is enough Offline


Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 1
I wish you knew how tired I am
I wish you knew how much you have drained my soul
I wish you knew how much I have sacraficed for you
I wish you knew that I want to leave you, but love you to much
I wish you knew that I can't take your lies anymore
I wish you knew that you have allowed your abuser to victimize our relationship.




Edited by Enough is enough (07/27/08 08:17 PM)

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#240647 - 07/28/08 01:02 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Enough is enough]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
Enough is enough,

I WISH YOU KNEW THAT YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOUR ABUSER TO VICTIMIZE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

This is a powerful statement. I like it, alot. So true.


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#240876 - 07/28/08 10:31 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: NY Daisy]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I wish you knew how hard I fight to see past what you've become.
I wish you knew that you aren't the only one with nightmares anymore.
I wish you knew that you might leave my life, but you'll never leave my mind or my heart.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#240924 - 07/29/08 08:01 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
LittleMiss Offline


Registered: 07/02/08
Posts: 66
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Junefriday
I wish you knew that you aren't the only one with nightmares anymore.


That's a good one, June. The effects of abuse reach far and wide.

_________________________
LittleMiss

The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

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#242394 - 08/04/08 10:03 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: LittleMiss]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I wish you knew that when I said you were the most important thing to me, I meant it.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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