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#235268 - 07/02/08 01:17 PM If only you knew...
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I've been reading the posts on this site for the last month, ever since I learned of my husband's CSA. I've been struggling to deal with the news and to educate myself so as to be better prepared to support him.

Many of the family and friends have mentioned writing a letter to their survivors. Some are sent, some are not but what is common is that everyone feels that the writing is therapeutic.

I thought it would be helpful to start compiling a list of things that we wish our survivors knew. For those of us who have yet to write our letters, this might prove to be a good starting point. For those who have already completed their letters, the list will serve as confirmation that they are not alone in their thoughts.

I've included a bit of my "wish list" below. Please add yours! Start out by saying "I wish you knew..." and then put whatever you want to finish the sentence. I am sure that as the list grows, we can be proud of our journeys and can be confident that we have done all that we can to be supportive. Maybe some of us will even share the list with our survivors, as an indication of how much we care and that they are not alone in their fight.

I wish you knew how much you are hurting me
I wish you knew how strong I truly am
I wish you knew how much I have learned and can now cope
I wish you knew what love really meant
I wish you knew that this is your battle to fight but that you don't have to fight it alone
I wish you knew that eventhough you are now a man, I love the little boy you once were
I wish you knew that taking care of my needs is not the same as pleasing your abuser
I wish you knew the difference between someone needing you and someone wanting you
I wish you knew that I am fighting for the man I married, the man I believe you still are
I wish you knew how much I long to see you smile again



Edited by Junefriday (07/02/08 01:35 PM)
_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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#235284 - 07/02/08 02:17 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Great idea June!

I wish you knew the man I fell in love with
I wish you knew the brave man I see now
I wish you knew that you aren't a freak
I wish you knew that all of your hard work WILL work
I wish you knew how happy you make me

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#235316 - 07/02/08 05:54 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Trish4850]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
I wish you knew how much I didn't want to let go.
I wish you knew how much you've inspired me.

I wish you knew how much I'll miss you.
I wish you knew how hard it was to say goodbye.

I wish you knew a normal life, one without the hurt and trauma you carry.

I wish you knew that I would lay my life down for you if you would choose the healing path, but I cannot live in denial as you do now.

I wish you knew I don't want someone else, only you.

I wish you knew I really do love you as the man you are.

I wish you knew how to love that little boy inside who is so terrified.

I wish you knew the guys on the MS website.


Indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#235398 - 07/03/08 01:35 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: indygal]
Lee73 Offline


Registered: 05/26/08
Posts: 32
I wish you knew that how I feel about you hasn't changed a bit since I found out

I wish you knew that you have nothing to be ashamed of

I wish you knew what it felt like to enjoy the physical and emotional aspects of being in a relationship with a woman

I wish you knew how much I miss you

I wish you knew that I love you

I wish you knew that letting me go so that I could find someone who "deserves me" isn't what I want

I wish you knew that the silent treatment is killing me

Lee


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#235509 - 07/03/08 03:35 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Lee73]
Wyclef_Bakr Offline


Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Doorstep of Thugz Mansion.
I apologize if I am out of place for responding to this thread.


I wish you knew how proud of you I am.
I wish you knew how sorry I am that I was gone so much.


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#235512 - 07/03/08 03:41 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
This is the sort of thing survivors really need to hear. Thanks for laying it on the line for us.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#235518 - 07/03/08 03:54 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Junefriday]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
I wish you knew, in my eyes, there'll never be another "you".

I wish you knew what happened was never about you.

I wish you knew how much I really do love you.


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#235529 - 07/03/08 04:38 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Liv2124]
NY Daisy Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/29/08
Posts: 183
I wish you knew, I only want what's best for you, whatever that may be.


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#235543 - 07/03/08 06:12 PM Re: If only you knew... [Re: NY Daisy]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Wyclef,

You're very welcome here. I personally want to thank you for being here, not only for yourself, but for Nyjah. He and I haven't spoken much, but we've been here together for a long time. He's a good kid and the fact that you're here says you're a good Dad.

Just one or two more:

I wish you knew how grateful I am that you started this journey for me.

I wish you knew how proud I am that you're continuing it for you.

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#238740 - 07/18/08 05:50 AM Re: If only you knew... [Re: Trish4850]
Junefriday Offline


Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 113
Loc: Canada
I wish you knew that happiness can only come from within.

I wish you knew that if you looked inside, deep down inside, you would see the person that I see.

I wish you knew that your actions have consequences.

I wish you knew that only you can help yourself but that it would be worth it.

_________________________
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

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