I've been reading the posts on this site for the last month, ever since I learned of my husband's CSA. I've been struggling to deal with the news and to educate myself so as to be better prepared to support him.
Many of the family and friends have mentioned writing a letter to their survivors. Some are sent, some are not but what is common is that everyone feels that the writing is therapeutic.
I thought it would be helpful to start compiling a list of things that we wish our survivors knew. For those of us who have yet to write our letters, this might prove to be a good starting point. For those who have already completed their letters, the list will serve as confirmation that they are not alone in their thoughts.
I've included a bit of my "wish list" below. Please add yours! Start out by saying "I wish you knew..." and then put whatever you want to finish the sentence. I am sure that as the list grows, we can be proud of our journeys and can be confident that we have done all that we can to be supportive. Maybe some of us will even share the list with our survivors, as an indication of how much we care and that they are not alone in their fight.
I wish you knew how much you are hurting me
I wish you knew how strong I truly am
I wish you knew how much I have learned and can now cope
I wish you knew what love really meant
I wish you knew that this is your battle to fight but that you don't have to fight it alone
I wish you knew that eventhough you are now a man, I love the little boy you once were
I wish you knew that taking care of my needs is not the same as pleasing your abuser
I wish you knew the difference between someone needing you and someone wanting you
I wish you knew that I am fighting for the man I married, the man I believe you still are
I wish you knew how much I long to see you smile again
Edited by Junefriday (07/02/08 01:35 PM)
"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.”