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#231570 - 06/17/08 11:50 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: inthegrass33]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
nevermind. my relatives bailed on me. apparently there's been a 30 yr. long family feud going on and it's not going to be reconciled over me. it was funny, after i got done telling everyone my story, they actually told me to call and ask my parents for help!

fookit. i'm going to talk to a case worker tomorrow about getting me into subsidized housing ASAP. might go a lot faster if they see me in person.

day to day fighting off homelessness sucks.


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#233805 - 06/26/08 02:08 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: inthegrass33]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
i'm still going through the depersonalization. don't know what the hell to do. i have no place to stay. and everyone around me keeps warning me that things are going to get worse. i feel helpless to stop it. can't anyone see that i'm not here?


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#233819 - 06/26/08 02:49 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: inthegrass33]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Things may get worse, but they may get better. Just keep focussing on the present situation and not on the what ifs. I know that's easier said than done, but it's what you need to do to keep your sanity and preserve your energy.

I have enormous respect for you and the way you are fighting this battle! You are a very strong individual, probably a lot stronger than you even know! Keep heart, my friend! You are now being forced to face probably many of your worst fears. You WILL come out of this even stronger! I have faith!

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#233821 - 06/26/08 02:55 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: blueshift]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
I spent the first few years of my life in Hawaii. This crap we are all going through is like riding the wave. You can let the wave take you down or you can get on top and ride it, don't try to control the wave, just ride it. It will take you to where you need to be. Fear will cause you to crash and the wave will take you under. Does that make sense? We've been there and many of us are still riding the wave. You really are NOT alone.


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#234078 - 06/27/08 01:01 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: LW1527]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
i'm having disturbing dreams. i'm going to hate this.

my body's losening up and stuff is spasming. i've also got my 11th session of emdr today.



Edited by inthegrass33 (06/30/08 10:41 AM)

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#234965 - 07/01/08 03:32 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: inthegrass33]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
Good luck, inthegrass. I just got back from Wyoming. I hope things have improved since your last post on Friday.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#235043 - 07/01/08 07:16 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: BJK]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
i'm so lost. i just need a place to stay. i'm homeless and i don't know how/where i can begin. i hate how weak i am and that i keep cutting myself down and worse. it's like i can't save what's inside of me. it's like i cannot come out of myself. the dissociation is hell. no one is helping. no family. fuck family. i told them what my father did and they still actually talk to him. fucking fake he is. so disgusted with IT ALL, i am.


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#235053 - 07/01/08 07:51 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: inthegrass33]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
One of the hardest parts of all of this is when, as you stated, we see how weak we are and then feel even weaker as a result.

Weakness is in the eye of the beholder, and I see strength in you. You're fighting, and it takes strength to fight.

As long as you keep fighting, you still have a chance.

Bryan

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#235161 - 07/01/08 11:46 PM Re: No place to stay. DEPERSONaliZATION [i]AGH[!!!!!!! [Re: BJK]
inthegrass33 Offline
New Here

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 107
^true. i just want things to not get worse, but i have destructive tendencies or many tendencies that i can't really judge cause i have them and i'm not aware, which leads me into more fear and dissociation. i see shit like that intervention show on TV and freak. one was about a heroine addict, homeless and self-destructing because his father sexually abused him. and here i am, unpredictable future in recovery from abuse that i haven't even integrated yet, wondering when and how long and how bad is everything going to be. i can't get off the thought, and the thought is my problem is right now. depersonalization runs off shitty thoughts, panic, and fear of being in the frozen state and having to fake confidence in anything really. i have to act like a person that feels. it feels psychotic to do, but it feels even more crazy just to sit and stare.

but on a positive note, i really am trying to stay as safe as possible and not doing anything physically dangerous so i can come back to reality all that much better off.




Edited by inthegrass33 (07/01/08 11:50 PM)

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