Brian is right - this can't be rushed. It's exactly like 'readiness'.
Just a finer point - I get that you're upset. It's an emotional shock. You might have to lead the way in talking about emotions. Put a finer point on it, specific emotions, and he'll be sure you get it, like, say, "I'm shocked, and I'm very angry this happened to you - angry that an adult would treat a young boy this way." He'll think you dropped from Heaven. Why? Because sometimes people who've been sexually abused really fear being dumped when they disclose their history. You don't want him thinking your 'upset' is with 'him'.
His not wanting to talk about it has little to do with you. It has a lot to do with perhaps needing other men with similar experiences, because he can pretty much trust that they know the full scope of his feelings. I disclose to my wife more and more as I get more and more of a handle on it. It'll probably happen.
Also, he might have problems with intimacy, but you have your needs too, as a person and as a mate. Keep your needs in mind in discussions and negotiations about your relationship issues. It's easy sometimes for mates to be so understanding they forget their own needs and standards for relationship quality.
Edited by hogan_dawg (06/30/08 08:05 AM)
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003