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#233169 - 06/24/08 05:23 PM it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i am turning 40 on friday

my therapist is on vacation ahhhhhhhhhh lol

but it is making me face a lot of questions directly

like who am i? looks to the past too ---

- i mean 40 is powerful - 2 more days of my 30s

i am anxious and have the feeling of falling apart inside

and though i took a long walk yesterday - and was guided by

well wishers to embrace it - and just go with it! \:\)

i resolved to do so - but today the anxiety came back

and i think there's a number of issues....

shouldn't i be an adult by now? shouldn't i be self sufficient

and in some strange way - shouldn't i not need to 'let it all out'

maybe the fallacy of the "adult life" in my head is that - though i have been an adult for a while now -

there's nothing hidden here. it's just the same...you have your troubles just the same - and feel a goof at times - just the same - and hapless - and insecure - and hopless - and yeah confident too. and strong and smart - and laughs - lots of them

it's just another day.

i can't believe it me! 40. LOL

i am still 39 for the next two days... \:\) i'll enjoy that.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233177 - 06/24/08 05:36 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11026
Loc: Denver, CO
Well, Mark, I can tell you that turning 40 was no big deal here. Nevertheless, I hope yours is a great one! I'll even sing HB to you over the phone if you want! \:D

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#233180 - 06/24/08 05:52 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: FormerTexan]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Happy almost Birthday Mark. 40 isn't so bad, heck, I've somehow passed my early 40s and now I'm 45. I don't really know when that happened, but so be it. I pride myself on being totally immature sometimes - that's what gets me through *lol* The youngin's look at me kinda funny when I skip down the street, but I say to hell with them, it's fun!

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#233208 - 06/24/08 07:15 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trish4850]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks you two. i do not know why i am having such a time.

gratefully accepting your happy wishes.

(((big hugs twice))))

\:\)

M

ps. Andy your singing is fantastic - what a gift!

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233344 - 06/24/08 11:54 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The weekend that I turned 40 my GF and I smoked around two grand worth of crack. Two weeks later I lost another job, and two weeks after that I had to pawn my car to pay the dealer the money that I owed him.

By then it seemed that all of my progress in the 1980s was but a distant memory.

Two weeks later, I was back at Hazelden for my 2nd 28 days there in 14 months. Several months later I started personal therapy with Mic Hunter. I made a lot of progress between the age of 40 and the age of 43.

As I once told my group at Hazelden, I was now too old to try out for the cast of 30 Something.

Now I have 8 & 1/2 years clean, and those years have been the best years of my life.

Just wishing you the best, my man. Happy 40th!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#233351 - 06/25/08 12:16 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trucker51]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Thanks Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233363 - 06/25/08 12:51 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Have a great birthday and don't worry, things don't fall apart just because we hit these landmark birthdays. I remember being absolutely disappointed when nothing dramatic happened when I turned 21. But then it was pretty cool that nothing happened when I turned 50 either! lol

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#233400 - 06/25/08 03:58 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: roadrunner]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I got my AARP card when I turned 50, Larry. And my car insurance went down a little bit too!!!

TM

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#233541 - 06/25/08 06:01 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trucker51]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks guys

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#233543 - 06/25/08 06:09 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
HBDTY,HBDTY,HBDDM,HBDTY!
the abreviated version of the Birthday Song!

I'll be 61 at the end of the year. I didn't even start dealing with my CSA stuff until my 50th birthday. I'm happier now than I've been in a long while. Forty is just a number, just because you grow older doesn't mean that you have to grow up. I still have a couple of motorcycles and I still enjoy riding them.

Take good care of yourself and have a Happy Birthday Mark,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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