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#234271 - 06/28/08 09:27 AM Therapy. How long?
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I've been with my current therapist for two years. Had to dump two losers to find her.

We just now seem to be starting to deal with the really deep stuff, like my anger! Grrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it's different for each person, but is there like an average of how long this process takes? Cause I'm really pissed off that I have to go every week because of some dumbfuck who couldn't keep his hands off me.



_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#234274 - 06/28/08 09:40 AM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: Tinman]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Getting to deal with the anger is excellent. Keep going!

It takes as long as it takes man. Can't help you on a prediction.

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#234283 - 06/28/08 10:24 AM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: hogan_dawg]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Tinman:

According to Mic Hunter, the anger stage is the 3rd of 5 stages of recovery from grief issues. Depending on where you are at I would guess maybe another year or two, maybe longer, and you should see some good progress. Have you been attending any in-person recovery groups? Are you away from illegal drug or excessive alcohol use? Progress seems to come more quickly when we are clean. It would appear from the limited amount of info that you shared that you are still going over your past fairly heavily. When you get to the point where your past has a lot less control over your future choices you will be much further along.

I was in and out of close to 5 years of individual counselling with 7 different therapists in four States. I had 3 trips to inpatient drug treatment and three more to outpatient drug treatment. I spent in the neighborhood of two years attending in-person male victim issues support groups in four States. There were numerous breaks in treatment, most between 1996 and 2000 were short, though I had a near-fatal 7 year slow motion collapse between my first 18 months of therapy and 1996. In May of 2000, I finally felt that I had accomplished most of my goals and walked away from my last in-person support group.

I had suffered over 20 incidents of CSA and a violent rape between the age of 5 and 18, at the hands of 11 different guys. There was also extensive physical and emotional abuse in my upbringing, and a cult religion issue too. Plus I had two very negative reactions to my first two attempts at disclosure when still in my teens, and a couple of other negative incidents with disclosure as an adult. I was a real mess for a long time.

The last 8 & 1/2 years have been the best years of my life. I have been on the same job since January of 2000. (From the age of 16 until the age of 42 I had 53 jobs and had long periods of unemployment too). These days I own an expensive patio home in a nice suburb, my 3 year old pickup is paid off, and I just married my 2nd wife after we had been together for over two years. I'm going to be laid-up for sometime with a medical issue and have plenty of time these days to try to be supportive.

Anyhow, glad that you found the site. I'm sure that you will find that most of the guys on here are a bunch of supportive and caring people. My avatar is from 1978, 30 years ago.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#234309 - 06/28/08 01:28 PM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: Trucker51]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Mark, I tried ISA, but I was the only guy. And I hated it. Made it seem like I was the one who was the problem, not the ones who did this! No one to id with. And I still have a problem with even putting this all out there.

I registered on this site two months ago and have mixed feelings about talking in here. Cause I wonder if I will be viewed as the freak I still think others in the world see me as.

Ugghhh! I hate being a survivor!

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#234314 - 06/28/08 03:12 PM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: Tinman]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
How long depends on several things.

Your age. The older we are the harder it is to turn around some of our attitudes.

The type and extent of your abuse. Some abuse is worse than others.

The age(s) at which you were abused. Earlier abuse is worse than later, all things being otherwise adjusted.

Other factors in your childhood. What was your family life like as a child? Were you also physically or emotionally abused?

Your own resiliance. Some people heal faster than others.

Your willingness to cooperate with the therapist.

The interaction of other problems, such as depression. Taking anti-depressants is said to speed therapy for depressed patients.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/28/08 03:13 PM)

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#234340 - 06/28/08 06:22 PM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: pufferfish]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
You won't be viewed as a freak, that is for sure. And early in recovery it is always a challenge to open-up and become vulnerable enough to share enough to make any progress. Most all of us have experienced a lack of trust issue. Most of us once shared a fear of not being believed or being ridiculed. I agree, it would be better to be in a male support group for male recovery issues. This site is an excellent venue for sharing and growth anonymously. It helps to bridge the gap between counseling and in-person groups.

I am going to be away from my computer until tomorrow night. Wish you good luck in your search for freedom from the affliction that we all share.

No pressure, my man.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#234341 - 06/28/08 06:32 PM Re: Therapy. How long? [Re: Trucker51]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
For me, the repair of the damage of my childhood has been kind of like taking a broken leg bone that has partially healed, and then rebreaking it to set it straight without anesthetic. Then the bone has to continue the healing process. The final result is never quite like the bone should have been to start with.

I know that Trucker51 will appreciate this illustration (which I actually got from him)

Puffer


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