love ya back darrel, and thanks for posing the question for us.
I don't think there is a 'when' i recover; i think it's only 'as; i recover. the process is lifelong. and i think, underscoring that, what you have left is one day at a time.
but before you get that sinking feeling 'i was afraid of that' think about what a gift it is, to kinda be nudged to rally around a group of people who are at varying degrees of the recovery process. there will always be someone you will have access to who will be able to help with a struggle you encounter in your moment to moment living.
this site, for instance, is one [and i don't get the sense it is going to be closing down anytime soon]; another is a supportive network of people from a recovery group in your area [start one!].
a good thing that i try to reaffirm for myself each day, sometimes more often, is that this problem of confusion and pain is not infinite. yes my happiness may become interrupted by the reality of a crying child reminds us of our own pain, and other things may unwittingly trigger strong rsidual emotional responses, but at least, surrounded by this marvelous support venue we can identify the feelings and share them with others getting them out of ourselves so that they don't continue to rule our emotions and intellect from within.
my big adventure for this leg of my own process is acceptance. i thought i had that one down, but i had not truly accepted that the nature of my trauma requires ongoing recovery for as long as i live. i think of arronb's avatar
as i write that.
...time to take the medicine kids!
i think that as we mourn the death of a life we never had, an ideal family we never had, eventually we will realize that grief will end. time heals. [ hey i caught you all thinking 'time heals all wounds and wounds all heels' ..... stop finishing my sentences for me!
anyway, that's all i have to say about this.....for now at least.
this too shall pass,