.

I don't relate to "people tormenting me about my sexuality". Your post did make think about how badly I can react when the subject of CSA comes up in social settings. Most of the time I want to reach out and strangle someone in the discussion that is talking like they know what pain it causes or they make a comment implying that kids that are abused become abusers. I have to take a deep breath calm myself. Only my family knows about the abuse though...my "friends" don't.

Do your friends know you were abused? If not they may not know that their comments are hurting you. They are used to that "kicking cocky anad fun to be around" guy. So they think they are dealing with that guy, not the guy that is going through a bad time.

Congrats on being dry...that is great news.

After my experience, which was not CSA, I too found this a very hard issue. I still have a very hard time separating the two. Indeed, significant pressure was exerted upon me by members of my command in this area to extract my silence regarding what happened to me. My revictimization involved a LOT of interplay between these two areas. It has left significant scars in my soul.
I don't have the answers in this area, all I have are deep questions like yours about myself and who I am. Maybe with good resources and lots of soul-searching, I will find my answers. Maybe I just wanted to say I relate.

.