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#234 - 07/28/04 03:38 PM Re: Love, what is it?
FLRich Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/21/04
Posts: 1404
Marc,

My wife tells me the same thing sometime, "You won't let anyone love you." Not true, but I come across that way sometimes. I can certainly understand why you would feel the way you do since your perp told you he loved you everytime he abused you. That would confuse the hell out of anyone. My perp never told me he loved me, thank God, but I have trouble being intimate with anyone. It's difficult for me to have friends when I will rarely let them touch me. If a guy ever hugged me, I would freak! I can see other guys hugging (as a greeting) and touching each other on the shoulder, and I envy that. I can barely stand to shake hands with a strange man. In fact I have never hugged my father since I was abused, and he has never done anything bad to me.

You just have to realize that the way you feel towards the guys on this site and the feelings of love you have for some are genuine. Likewise, they do feel the same for you. You don't have to equate their love for you to the way your perp "said" he loved you. If he loved you, he would never have done the things he did to you. Try to work on getting comfortable letting others love you and letting them tell you they love you. Realize they love you for being Marc, not because they want you in some perverse way. I know it's easier said than done.


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#235 - 07/28/04 03:55 PM Re: Love, what is it?
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

"I love you." The most powerful and dangerous words in any language. Powerful because of the potential good they can do. Dangerous because that power can be misused.

There is no doubt in my mind that the "barrier" goes up because your perp used them for reasons they weren't intended - to hurt you. You have every right to protect yourself over this. I know I do because the f**ker who hurt me said the exact same thing, and added "loves hurts" to it.

Screw that. love doesn't hurt. Love isn't SUPPOSED to hurt.

Let me tell you what love is to me. Love means caring about someone unconditionally, wanting nothing but the best for that person, enjoying that person's company, even when they're obnoxious, thinking good thoughts about that person, trusting someone implicitly, knowing the person will never do you harm, and willing to let them go when it breaks your heart, because it's what's best for them (and maybe you).

Love is compassion. Love is never about betrayal or viciousness.

You've had those words used to betray you. Now it's time to realize the GOOD those words can do, and are, for you.

And with no small irony, I say, I love you, Marc.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#236 - 07/28/04 05:12 PM Re: Love, what is it?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Marc

there is love and there is lust and depravity, unfortunately the abuser confuses the kid by twisting their minds into thinking lust and depravity is the same thing as love.

Love is deep feelings for someone, unbounded protective feeling, strong bonds, not bondage, a deep sense of caring, not taking what you want, it means consensual and not coercion, devotion, affection but not affliction, it means intense desire, between two people, embrace and caress, not rape and distress.

Abuse takes away your right to form the natural instincts to love, because who wants to love the emotional baggage, that is hidden beneath the surface.

I think Marc, you have been a beacon of light in the group with what you have fought with, there is a deep sense of love and understanding in your posts, you give others the will to survive, that is love at it's best, facing the bastards head on, I wish you all the love in the World and so to all the brothers and sisters who visit the forum.

You know what love is, it is all the positive things I can find to mention here, but there are many more, if only we could use it as a weapon to the destroy the evil, masquerading as love, would not this Earth be the place we were meant to be all along, alas for some it was never meant.

Wishing you well always from England

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#237 - 07/29/04 10:23 AM Re: Love, what is it?
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
I would also like to find answer on this question \:\( .
Probably I have to wait to be ready, if ever, to really receive it.

Ivo


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#238 - 07/29/04 11:32 AM Re: Love, what is it?
Aden Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/04
Posts: 499
How about this Marc? I really like you a lot. Your opinion is valueable to me. The concern you show for my feeling is comforting. You are a source of strength in my darker moments. I think about you and your troubles at odd times during the day and even if I don't offer words of comfort that echo everyone else, I still pray for you. I look for you every day and am happy when I see you. I admire your efforts to help others and would like to be like you in that way, someday. You have my best wishes, and all of my good will. If something happened and you weren't here anymore, I would be sad. I don't know you all that well, but I'd like to know you better. I don't feel for you so much as I feel with you. I want nothing from you beyond what you are willing to give.

So, that sounds kind of like a very natural sort of love. But I won't say that. I understand how hollow it can sound. But just incase I slip up and say it by accident, fill in the empty space with the paragraph I just wrote saying how I REALLY feel about you.

Aden


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