You're an interesting guy DarkEmpathy with a very unique past and I hope you get your answers. Or make 'em up as you go.

I think you're on a good track.

Thanks Hogan. some senses of "unique" I really could've done without, ---- though some like the seminar were good.

I do sometimes wish though, ---- everytime I read harry potter or in fact hear about someone who had a Gf at 15 or 15, or got their first kiss at secondary school.

A thought that stil torments me, --- however illogical, however wrong, is that the physically closest anyone's ever been to me was while insulting and humiliating me.

My friends, --- and my T have said this is the wrong way round, and the reason nobody ever has! got closer to me is because of what happened as a teenager, ----- but that's an incredibly hard step to take.

then again, the other day I found something I'd written while 22, which said my age on it, and for the first time for a long time I was able to think "well, that wasn't long ago" and not start thinking that I'd passed all my chances and was getting old at 25.