i am turning 40 on friday

my therapist is on vacation ahhhhhhhhhh lol

but it is making me face a lot of questions directly

like who am i? looks to the past too ---

- i mean 40 is powerful - 2 more days of my 30s

i am anxious and have the feeling of falling apart inside

and though i took a long walk yesterday - and was guided by

well wishers to embrace it - and just go with it!

i resolved to do so - but today the anxiety came back

and i think there's a number of issues....

shouldn't i be an adult by now? shouldn't i be self sufficient

and in some strange way - shouldn't i not need to 'let it all out'

maybe the fallacy of the "adult life" in my head is that - though i have been an adult for a while now -

there's nothing hidden here. it's just the same...you have your troubles just the same - and feel a goof at times - just the same - and hapless - and insecure - and hopless - and yeah confident too. and strong and smart - and laughs - lots of them

it's just another day.

i can't believe it me! 40. LOL

i am still 39 for the next two days... i'll enjoy that.

Well, Mark, I can tell you that turning 40 was no big deal here. Nevertheless, I hope yours is a great one! I'll even sing HB to you over the phone if you want!

Happy almost Birthday Mark. 40 isn't so bad, heck, I've somehow passed my early 40s and now I'm 45. I don't really know when that happened, but so be it. I pride myself on being totally immature sometimes - that's what gets me through *lol* The youngin's look at me kinda funny when I skip down the street, but I say to hell with them, it's fun!

thanks you two. i do not know why i am having such a time.

gratefully accepting your happy wishes.

(((big hugs twice))))



M

ps. Andy your singing is fantastic - what a gift!

The weekend that I turned 40 my GF and I smoked around two grand worth of crack. Two weeks later I lost another job, and two weeks after that I had to pawn my car to pay the dealer the money that I owed him.

By then it seemed that all of my progress in the 1980s was but a distant memory.

Two weeks later, I was back at Hazelden for my 2nd 28 days there in 14 months. Several months later I started personal therapy with Mic Hunter. I made a lot of progress between the age of 40 and the age of 43.

As I once told my group at Hazelden, I was now too old to try out for the cast of 30 Something.

Now I have 8 & 1/2 years clean, and those years have been the best years of my life.

Just wishing you the best, my man. Happy 40th!

Mark

Thanks Mark

Mark,

Have a great birthday and don't worry, things don't fall apart just because we hit these landmark birthdays. I remember being absolutely disappointed when nothing dramatic happened when I turned 21. But then it was pretty cool that nothing happened when I turned 50 either! lol

Much love,
Larry

I got my AARP card when I turned 50, Larry. And my car insurance went down a little bit too!!!

TM

thanks guys

HBDTY,HBDTY,HBDDM,HBDTY!
the abreviated version of the Birthday Song!

I'll be 61 at the end of the year. I didn't even start dealing with my CSA stuff until my 50th birthday. I'm happier now than I've been in a long while. Forty is just a number, just because you grow older doesn't mean that you have to grow up. I still have a couple of motorcycles and I still enjoy riding them.

Take good care of yourself and have a Happy Birthday Mark,

Steve