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#233169 - 06/24/08 05:23 PM it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i am turning 40 on friday

my therapist is on vacation ahhhhhhhhhh lol

but it is making me face a lot of questions directly

like who am i? looks to the past too ---

- i mean 40 is powerful - 2 more days of my 30s

i am anxious and have the feeling of falling apart inside

and though i took a long walk yesterday - and was guided by

well wishers to embrace it - and just go with it! \:\)

i resolved to do so - but today the anxiety came back

and i think there's a number of issues....

shouldn't i be an adult by now? shouldn't i be self sufficient

and in some strange way - shouldn't i not need to 'let it all out'

maybe the fallacy of the "adult life" in my head is that - though i have been an adult for a while now -

there's nothing hidden here. it's just the same...you have your troubles just the same - and feel a goof at times - just the same - and hapless - and insecure - and hopless - and yeah confident too. and strong and smart - and laughs - lots of them

it's just another day.

i can't believe it me! 40. LOL

i am still 39 for the next two days... \:\) i'll enjoy that.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233177 - 06/24/08 05:36 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11181
Loc: Denver, CO
Well, Mark, I can tell you that turning 40 was no big deal here. Nevertheless, I hope yours is a great one! I'll even sing HB to you over the phone if you want! \:D

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#233180 - 06/24/08 05:52 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: FormerTexan]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Happy almost Birthday Mark. 40 isn't so bad, heck, I've somehow passed my early 40s and now I'm 45. I don't really know when that happened, but so be it. I pride myself on being totally immature sometimes - that's what gets me through *lol* The youngin's look at me kinda funny when I skip down the street, but I say to hell with them, it's fun!

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#233208 - 06/24/08 07:15 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trish4850]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks you two. i do not know why i am having such a time.

gratefully accepting your happy wishes.

(((big hugs twice))))

\:\)

M

ps. Andy your singing is fantastic - what a gift!

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233344 - 06/24/08 11:54 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
The weekend that I turned 40 my GF and I smoked around two grand worth of crack. Two weeks later I lost another job, and two weeks after that I had to pawn my car to pay the dealer the money that I owed him.

By then it seemed that all of my progress in the 1980s was but a distant memory.

Two weeks later, I was back at Hazelden for my 2nd 28 days there in 14 months. Several months later I started personal therapy with Mic Hunter. I made a lot of progress between the age of 40 and the age of 43.

As I once told my group at Hazelden, I was now too old to try out for the cast of 30 Something.

Now I have 8 & 1/2 years clean, and those years have been the best years of my life.

Just wishing you the best, my man. Happy 40th!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#233351 - 06/25/08 12:16 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trucker51]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Thanks Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#233363 - 06/25/08 12:51 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Have a great birthday and don't worry, things don't fall apart just because we hit these landmark birthdays. I remember being absolutely disappointed when nothing dramatic happened when I turned 21. But then it was pretty cool that nothing happened when I turned 50 either! lol

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#233400 - 06/25/08 03:58 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: roadrunner]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I got my AARP card when I turned 50, Larry. And my car insurance went down a little bit too!!!

TM

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#233541 - 06/25/08 06:01 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trucker51]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
thanks guys

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233543 - 06/25/08 06:09 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
HBDTY,HBDTY,HBDDM,HBDTY!
the abreviated version of the Birthday Song!

I'll be 61 at the end of the year. I didn't even start dealing with my CSA stuff until my 50th birthday. I'm happier now than I've been in a long while. Forty is just a number, just because you grow older doesn't mean that you have to grow up. I still have a couple of motorcycles and I still enjoy riding them.

Take good care of yourself and have a Happy Birthday Mark,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#233550 - 06/25/08 07:00 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Stephen_5]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
hanks Stephen!

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#233571 - 06/25/08 08:41 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Hanks....Stephen, any relation to Tom Hanks?????

\:D

sorry...had to

Luv ya Mark. and Happy early Birthday.... at 40, your old enough to know better, but still young enough to do it anyway!!!!

Have a good one,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#233783 - 06/26/08 12:49 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Scoutvictim]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Oops!

I should proofread shouldn't I!?

and Hanks (Thanks) Carl, Thanks Stephen!


Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#234010 - 06/27/08 07:44 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
arronb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Happy 40th Birthday Mark ...



_________________________
Keep Smilin'
arronb

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#234017 - 06/27/08 08:45 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: arronb]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Thanks Arron!!!

\:\) M~!

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#234033 - 06/27/08 09:28 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Stephen_5]
jaa Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Rhode Island
Like they say 50 is the new 40...I like to think that since I'm 46. Happy Birthday.

_________________________
John

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#234036 - 06/27/08 09:37 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: jaa]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11181
Loc: Denver, CO
Happy Birthday, Mark!

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

Top
#234047 - 06/27/08 10:37 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: markgreyblue]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Happy Birthday Mark !

Puffer


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#234048 - 06/27/08 10:55 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: pufferfish]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Happy Birthday MGB





C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#234060 - 06/27/08 11:33 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: ineffable]
Healing Circle Offline


Registered: 05/23/08
Posts: 10
Happy birthday Mark

Tom


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#234061 - 06/27/08 11:34 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: ineffable]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Happy Birthday Mark! I hope you dance on a table or two to celebrate, just make sure those 40 year old legs don't quit on you.

ROCK ON............Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#234068 - 06/27/08 12:27 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trish4850]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Happy Birthday Mark!



_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#234079 - 06/27/08 01:02 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: king tut]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Happy Birthday, Mark!

Turned 40 almost 2 years ago. Nothing changed, except maybe those internal yardsticks I use to measure myself (looks vs. age: pretty good; accomplishments vs. age: not so good.)

Answer--throw away the yardsticks!

David


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#234090 - 06/27/08 01:17 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Originally Posted By: MemoryVault
Nothing changed, except maybe those internal yardsticks I use to measure myself (looks vs. age: pretty good ....)

I can assure you that turning 40 has nothing to do with looks. I am only a year from 60, for example, and look at me! I continue to be the most gorgeous person on the site. No one else even comes close, except Trish of course. I plan to continue to age with enduring grace, dignity and modesty. PM me for details.

Much much much,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#234208 - 06/27/08 10:26 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: roadrunner]
rehpotsirhcs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 204
Larry, of course you are the prettiest! But, what are you saying here... that Trish looks like a 60 year old?! Poor Trish \:D


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#234212 - 06/27/08 10:28 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
HEY!

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#234290 - 06/28/08 11:01 AM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Trish4850]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
So, how did it go last night, eh? I recommend Excedrin for a big headache. I know, being over-the-hill is a real bummer, unless you are driving a heavily-loaded truck. 40 years down, 40 more good years to go!!! Halfway to the finish line!!!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#234317 - 06/28/08 03:21 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Stephen_5]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Mark,
Happy birthday!! from a new guy.
hope you have many more.
thank you for the info the other day.

mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#234339 - 06/28/08 06:16 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: michael banks]
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Hi Guys and Gal,

Thanks so much for your b-dy wishes.

All is well. The day is over and it was just
another day.. a little bit older a little bit wiser! ;\)


Mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#234342 - 06/28/08 06:39 PM Re: it's my birtday on friday and i am a mess [Re: Healing Circle]
irishguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/04
Posts: 231
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
Mark,

I hope you have the happiest birthday my friend, 40 aint that bad its a good age.

You know you're getting old when...
an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
You and your teeth don't sleep together anymore.

Best wishes man.

Dean....

_________________________
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

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