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#233056 - 06/24/08 11:48 AM dear family and friends
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
What is this thing am I feeling
A trigger a ping
All that I felt for moments
Of giving up

Giving up all of which I have fought for
Survival for moments of sanity for moments of peace
How can I give up now?

Would I use a gun tablets a rope a gas
No, that just won’t do
A letter to my family and friends

Dear loved ones I have given….
Much thought and consideration
And I hope would you understand

Tired of the nightmares
The despair and fear
Tired of crying
The hurt and pain

A moment of clarity
A moment of hope
For peace and relief

No that just wont do
The End.


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#233224 - 06/24/08 08:01 PM Re: dear family and friends [Re: charles law]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Charles,

I remember feeling this way when I was a boy. I thought that if this is all life has to offer me, hey, you can have it - I'm out of here. I survived those terrible dark times, however, and I am glad for that.

It's not just that we all have worth and potential. It's also that CSA is not something that has to define and control us for all the rest of our lives. This curse can be beaten.

Beyond all that, I think suicide marks the ultimate surrender of control of our lives to the abuser(s). They tried to show us we are nothing; our task is to reject that and fight back.

Hang in there - it does get better.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#233394 - 06/25/08 02:49 AM Re: dear family and friends [Re: roadrunner]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I have had my days like this. There is a long scar running down my belly from a suicide by cop attempt 8 years ago, and other scars on my arm...one that I made with my teeth after I had been put in restraints in a mental hospital--I got one arm free and started biting into it trying to open a vein with my teeth. I was completely insane with depression. I have since decided that it was all a waist of energy. There are no exits.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#233408 - 06/25/08 05:02 AM Re: dear family and friends [Re: roadrunner]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
Thanks Larry and Doug I was feeling pritty low I did get to speak to TJ jeff and he helped alot last night so much just so happens he had a friend that did end his life as I had.

it was a long night tho..
thanks agian
hugs Charles auwarrior.



Edited by charles law (06/25/08 05:04 AM)

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#233755 - 06/26/08 10:47 AM Re: dear family and friends [Re: charles law]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Charles,

If you're interested, look back through the archive of this forum for a poem of mine entitled "Next Saturday". That's me recalling my efforts to face this one when I was 12.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#235217 - 07/02/08 06:54 AM Re: dear family and friends [Re: roadrunner]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
hi Larry

I would love to read your poem next saturday but i am having trouble finding it if you have link that would be great.
thanks again
hugs
charles auwarrior


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#235332 - 07/02/08 07:50 PM Re: dear family and friends [Re: charles law]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Charles,

Here it is:


Next Saturday

A poem is for eternity, a whispering voice in the void
That finds its own way timelessly through the silence.
A sculpting of thought that transcends barriers of
Culture, language and prejudice, its shape and form
Are ever changing and yet ever the same, new and fresh
But welcomed into the heart as a safe familiar friend.
The shepherd on a Galilee hill, the nomad in a sandy
Waste, the traveller on a Roman road, the elderly man
In a New England wood - Can they have known how their
Crafting of elusive language into ideas and feelings
Would wend its way down through the ages and settle
Into its place on a shelf in a dark and silent library, to be
Found at last by a frightened boy who would turn the
Brittle dusty pages, blinking back his tears and deciding
That tonight he will not kill himself? The poet takes
His hand and comforts him. There is more to do, more to
Understand, more to be - more to read next Saturday.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#235375 - 07/02/08 10:43 PM Re: dear family and friends [Re: roadrunner]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
wow Larry its beautiful I can truly relate

Found at last by a frightened boy who would turn the
Brittle dusty pages, blinking back his tears and deciding
That tonight he will not kill himself? The poet takes
His hand and comforts him. There is more to do, more to
Understand, more to be - more to read

and you wonder how we come up with this stuff

hugs charles


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