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#233174 - 06/24/08 05:33 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: feelingafraid]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
dear feeling afraid,

thank you for you input, everyone including my a.a. sponsor thinks i'm crazy on the subject of bdsm , and to a point i am. there is very little support here on the subject of sexual abuse. thanks for the book title. in an ideal world i would find a soulmate that would be interested in ...well let's just say taking control,every once in a while. outside of a relationship would probably require me to go to Seattle.

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Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#234169 - 06/27/08 09:06 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: 1islandboy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Well, thank you.

I really didn't have a name for it before! It was done to me when I was 12 at the scout camp.

I didn't know it was called bdsm. No one took the time to explain. It was just done.

Very, very, very damaging, to the point of killing me.

Puffer


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#234250 - 06/28/08 03:42 AM Re: bdsm? [Re: pufferfish]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Puffer, I wouldn't call what was done to you BDSM. BDSM is something in which the participants all agree to and do willingly.
What you went through was abuse. It might have been the same in terms of what is done but you were not a willing participant and that is the difference, just so you know.

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#234319 - 06/28/08 03:24 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: blueshift]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
What about the erotic asphyxiation by deep throating?

Is that something that is done in bdsm if done by consent?

Puffer


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#234321 - 06/28/08 03:41 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: pufferfish]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I'm not sure. It might be, but I think that practice is fairly dangerous, and since safety is a big part of mainstream BDSM it might not include something like that. I only have a superficial knowledge of BDSM though, so I could really tell you.

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#234333 - 06/28/08 05:50 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: blueshift]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Blueshift,

Thank you for your response.

I'm also very interested in another question. It may be difficult to answer this. Was my perp for this bdsm-type abuse a practitioner of bdsm, or was he just a sadist, or possibly a sociopathic sadist? Or other? (multiple choice)

Puffer


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#234337 - 06/28/08 06:02 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: pufferfish]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I'd say he was a sadist, and given what he did to you, I'm sure the word "sociopathic" would also apply.

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#234472 - 06/29/08 04:03 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: blueshift]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
May be ***Triggering***

My last perp most likely fell into the sociopathic sadistic category. There was no consent or safe word involved as I was restrained and gagged at the point of a weapon. I was entirely at his mercy, and I still wonder why I wasn't killed or worse. I felt so helpless and powerless as I was raped repeatedly and sexually tortured.

Two of my three previous perps accomplished their goals through violent intimidation. Both of these guys seemed to be more into making their nude young victim cringe helplessly before them. Violent intimidation was more implied than actual, though in both cases there was some violent abuse.

These three incidents were at age 13-15, 16, and 18, respectively.

Any speculation how these guys were different or any labels?

Mark


_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#234597 - 06/30/08 08:13 AM Re: bdsm? [Re: Trucker51]
Justintime1 Offline


Registered: 06/19/08
Posts: 16
my bf is into this, i go along with it because i trust him. he doesn't hurt me unless i want him too, then he won't, simply because i want him too, its all a mind game with him really, as long as hes in control and he makes the rules we're ok. he's never asked me about boundaries or anything like that and I never set any I think because of the abuse, there were never any boundaries growing up so why should there be any now? he's ok to me, mean and nasty sometimes but better then others i've been with that is for sure. sometimes during a session i'll think back about the abuse and kind of relive it in my mind, I dont know why i do that, I dont think its normal but I cant help it. sorry for butting in on this post its just interesting to me that i suddenly fall into a cateogory and all this time i thought i was the only one.


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#234676 - 06/30/08 01:48 PM Re: bdsm? [Re: Justintime1]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Someone else said that we keep replaying the events in our minds and seek out relationships where we are abused again, in order to validate our abuse or prove to ourselves that it actually happened. The subject is discussed in Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS. My last abuser seemed to be a sadistic gay top, and both of the other two obviously had domination and control issues, but both also were or later became married family men and fathered children. The first guy may have had PTSD issues or prisoner abuse issues from his time in Vietnam. I know very little about the other guy's history, and nothing at all about the last guy outside of my 2-hour traumatic experience with him.

From my own experience I would tell you that when we have unresolved abuse issues we seem to be really good at finding people who, like us, have been abused or will abuse us or take advantage of us again. There seems to be some way that the unafflicted members of our society have of quickly judging us and keeping their distance. This has more to do with one of your other posts today.

After I had substantially resolved my abuse issues it became much less readily discernable to the unafflicted people around me that something was wrong, and it was at that point when I began to leave old friends behind and make new non-abusive ones.

Hope that what I said helps.

Mark

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"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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