Duncan my brother,
At the end of this post, I have pasted a link about the USA easing travel restrictions on HIV+ foreigners entering the US. But I want to speak to the effects of your behavior. It is not just about you. We are here, often in pain seeking and offering support to one another. You my friend are not the first young man with rage and pain. Try and understand for a moment that you are hurting people who care about you whether you believe it or not and whether you know them or not. The world is not filled only with evil people. There are multitudes of genuinely good and loving people. Rejecting them hurts them in ways you may not care about. I guarantee you they love you in ways you cannot imagine, accept and understand. Give them a chance by giving yourself a chance.
I am between anger and sadness with you because you are obviously so wounded and you are hurting others who have compassion and empathy for you, but mostly you are hurting yourself. I do not know you beyond this site but you affect me and countless others through your painful and veiled cries in anguish. We feel love for you and sometimes feel disgust that you are playing Russian roulette in front of us. Please reconsider what your doing. Of course it is always a choice we have whether or not to continue a course of therapy for anything.
I am positive since 1985 when I was infected in London and sat frozen in fear for over a year after diagnosis until I began treatment in 1987. I think I understand you in some ways. I have lost many friends and know many more who never had the chance to take the cocktails before 1996.
I am fortunate to be alive even if life actually sucks some times but my inner life force is stronger than the pain. I could give you a list of the ugliness but it changes nothing that happened or what I deal with now. The truth is today is all that matters and I know people need me in spite of my own crap.
Whenever I begin feeling sorry for myself or hating my life or who I am, I surrender to the darkness. That is allowing the bastards to win and control me. Then I say enough. I am no longer a victim unless I allow it now because I am an adult with a voice and I am able to stop it. Sometimes I require assistance but I refuse to give some one or something power over me.
Duncan make this about you and not what others will think or say. Stand up for yourself and get your life back. It can be wonderful. It is hard work but you will begin to feel your power can be greater than them or it...whoever and whatever they are.
Stop the madness and choose life. Even if you think it sucks, do it for those who suffer in silence,who suffer more and have no voice. Do it for them who have no choice because you actually do have a choice.
Here is the link to the story. I wish you love and success.