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#23262 - 10/15/03 09:50 PM connecting with other survivors
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 666
I posted this in the bottom half of a post in "Off Topic", so getting help on it would have been to those visiting there. Here's my deal:

Okay, here is the core of my behavior: I believe people would reject me if they saw my vulnerability.

Could I have ideas as how to know and be known by people? I need contact with other people. Let me repeat. I need contact with other people who are, or were, where I am at. I have been contacting the big 12 step organizations and am still wanting. Therapy is slow. Have to wait until Friday, and I'm not sure about the new therapist. Not saying she's not good, but not sure if she listens at all. Will find out then.

I am inviting some guys to get in touch with me. I am alone here, and haven't established any relationships. PM me. I am ready to reach out a little, and I just want to maybe be honest a little (baby steps). I'm not even ready to reveal my whole story to myself (much less other people), but I can share my experiences, hopes, and dreams today.

Thank you,
Alfred


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#23263 - 10/16/03 08:02 AM Re: connecting with other survivors
YOGI Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 9
Loc: ALABAMA
IN ADDITION TO A THERAPIST(ONE WHO PRESCRIBES MEDS) I WENT TO COUNCELORS UNTIL I FOUND ONE THAT KNEW SOMEONE THAT HAD BEEN SA BY A MALE. SHE FOUND ONE WHO LET ME COME ONE AFTERNOON AND SPILL MY GUTS. THAT REALLY WASNT MY INTENTION BUT HE SHARED HIS STORY WITH ME AND IT WAS SO SIMILAR TO MINE THAT I JUST SORT OF "PUKED IT OUT". HE INVITED ME TO A 12 STEP PROGRAM THAT HE LED FOR MEN(NOT JUST SA SURVIVORS). I'VE BEEN GOING ABOUT 7 YEARS. ALTHOUGH I STILL STRUGGLE DAILY, HE HAS CERTIANLY HELP ME WITH MY JOURNEY. IF YOU LOOK AT MY POSTINS YOU'LL SEE THAT I'VE STILL GOT MANY ISSUES I'M DEALING WITH BUT KNOWING THAT I CAN CALL HIM WHEN I'M REALLY FREAKING OUT HELPS. I THINK MAYBE A COUNCELOR COULD PUT YOU IN TOUCH WITH AN "ANGEL" GOD BLESS---

_________________________
IN LIFE, ITS PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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#23264 - 10/16/03 11:39 AM Re: connecting with other survivors
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Hi Alfred,
Sometimes the world can indeed seem like a lonely place. Reaching out to others and asking for friendship is a bold and brave step. Us guys at MS all have one thing in common, generally that type of commonality is not something you build relationships around. However, I am a firm believer that we need to set aside this history and start to work on building relationships, and building our lives around our strengths. We all have, or should have, aspects of ourselves that are free from the taint of abuse. I, for example, am very involved in minor hockey, and I'm also a realtor and a writer. I only allow MS and some of the sadder parts of my story to take up a very small part of my life. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#23265 - 10/19/03 05:55 AM Re: connecting with other survivors
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Alfred,

I understand very much fear to be vulnerable, to show that. I would like to make connection with you. I will try to PM you later tonight. I wish you well.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#23266 - 10/19/03 04:11 PM Re: connecting with other survivors
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
Alfred,

I also have an intense fear of showing my vulnerability. It's part fear that it would be a green light to hurt me, and part that my friends would be absolutly disgusted at it. Neither makes sense really, but they are still very real fears for me. I'm willing to bet that every guy hear has this exact same fear to some extent.

I have no idea how helpful I'll be, but if you like feel free to PM me.

-Eric


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#23267 - 10/19/03 04:52 PM Re: connecting with other survivors
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Alfred:

Quote:
Okay, here is the core of my behavior: I believe people would reject me if they saw my vulnerability.
I thought that too for the longest time. Now I see that showing some vulnerability reveals the strength that I do have to not be afraid to ask for help or comfort. I believe that is part of the backbone of humanity. No man is an island and we all want for something.

You can PM me any time Alfred.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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