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#236855 - 07/08/08 09:14 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: CDavid]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
CDavid,
With all due respect...NO.
I think we need to call a truce, or agree to disagree. While I will offer my advice and opinion, I'll never speak for other partners. And if you feel that you can speak for all survivors, please continue to do so.
My feelings are my feelings. That's the extent of it. You neither know me, nor my SO and you cannot qualify my feelings nor his. If you can relate to the way I portray them, feel free to comment, if not, please don't.
Is that clear enough?
I would never disqualify, your experience as a survivor, but you know nothing about me, or my relationship with him. Fair enough?
I would never go so far as to put you in the same category as my SO, because unspoken differences exist. How can you, so apparently educated, view me so generically?
This is becoming semantics, which is a distraction, to say the least.
And FYI, I can COMPLETELY acknowledge that you are not responsible for the abuse you've endured, but that in no way excuses you from triggering or offending others, by what you say. Part of self awareness, is taking responsibilty for one's own actions. Actions that can be controlled with an understanding of our sense of "self".
Liv


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#236872 - 07/08/08 10:25 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: Liv2124]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Folks,

I think it's time to step back a little from edge of the abyss of accusation/counter accusation, and agree to disagree. The old adage "If you're convinced against your will, you're of the same opinion still" may well apply in this case.

Besides all which, this line of discussion is hijacking the thread from the original topic. If someone wishes to start another topic concerning this in the open forum where a greater latitude of discussion is allowed (as long as it does not descend into personal attack), please feel free.

Thanks,

John
For the Mod Team



Edited by walkingsouth (07/08/08 10:27 PM)
_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#236883 - 07/08/08 11:06 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: WalkingSouth]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Walkingsouth,
For what it's worth, I can agree to "disagree"...
I cannot compromise on wordage, as my SO is frequently 7 years old, and I don't feel that here, I should have to justify that to anyone. (Could be wrong, but, if I AM...sorry)
If you, as a moderator, ever feel that I am out of line, please PM me. I get ALOT of support here, from partners and survivors alike, and I would never want to compromise that.
For me, this is REAL life, REAL time, and MY life. I was given this "gift", 14 years into a 30 year relationship. I rarely "apologize" for anything connected to this. I love him, for who he is, and "deal" with the rest. (With the help, of ALOT of great people here)
Liv



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#236885 - 07/08/08 11:14 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: CDavid]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Indygal why don't you initiate closure?

Sorry Liv!



Edited by hogan_dawg (07/09/08 12:07 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#236889 - 07/08/08 11:24 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: hogan_dawg]
CDavid Offline


Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
You are so going to get in trouble for that one, hogan_dawg.


LOL


CD


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#236891 - 07/08/08 11:27 PM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: CDavid]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
CDavid,
ENOUGH already...
If you had a CLUE, you wouldn't have posted that to hogan dawg...
I resolve...not to post with you again...K?


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#236902 - 07/09/08 12:07 AM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: Liv2124]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Sorry I meant Indygal - not Liv.

Funny but quite unintentional. I'll close now. \:D



Edited by hogan_dawg (07/09/08 12:08 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

Top
#236904 - 07/09/08 12:22 AM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: hogan_dawg]
CDavid Offline


Registered: 07/05/08
Posts: 184
Liv,

I am sorry that you have interpreted this as confrontational. Truly.

Since coments were solicited from survivors, I felt justified in initiating the discussion and still feel it is relevant to the original topic of the thread.

Since that seems impossible at this point, I would like to add that the "epiphany" and the manner in which it was posted is ludicrous. But, that would be my opinion and certainly not one shared by everyone.

CD


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#236921 - 07/09/08 05:15 AM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: CDavid]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
if I might interject here -

CD - I think what Liv is trying to say (and Liv please let me know if I'm correct or not) is the CONTEXT of what you are saying is how it's triggering her - this is opposed to the actual WORDS you are speaking of which trigger you - and that's a significant difference.

it's like when people apologize but do it insincerely, or with sarcasm, you know? sortof makes it worse instead of better?

I know sometimes I get a little riled if someone says "Yes Mam'm" to me and I think they are being facetious or something other than respecful - it's not the WORDS "Yes Mam'm" that are triggering - it's the CONTEXT.

now, with you, as you made apparent, it's very clearly using specific language that's a problem and with that I'm going to stop because no, I don't have a lot of time for this.

*also* am not sure what you meant about the

Quote:
"epiphany" and the manner in which it was posted is ludicrous.


so please elaborate - I'd like to know more. if, that is, you are referring to the one I spoke of in the original post?


hogan dawg - you've totally lost me - what did you mean maybe I should initiate closure? I did. That's what this thread is about. Am I just being dense or what because I don't get it.

Liv, I don't know what to say except I totally understand you even if CD doesn't, if that helps?

ok, that's all. hope we can get back on track.

Indy

_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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#236922 - 07/09/08 05:21 AM Re: Survivors and closure in relationships [Re: indygal]
indygal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439
ok, that's not all, sorry, almost forgot, and this is sorta important.

Liv and CD - you both sound like me and my ex going back and forth - I couldn't believe it - we don't understand each other - and he deflects and I zero in and he goes off another direction and sometimes I followed and other times I tried to come back to the topic at hand. but always, always, he couldn't stay there. control issues maybe? I donno - perhaps that was it.

I think that's a fundamental reason as to why we couldn't make it work, is all I'm saying. doesn't matter how much love is there. He said it once before, we couldn't communicate. I didn't truly appreciate what he meant at the time even tho there were many times we ended discussions and I'd be like wtf is he talking about? or he'd be angry with me and for the life of me I couldn't understand why.

He did try, as did I.

am sad again now, got to go.

Indy



_________________________
my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

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