Thanks for the encouraging note rchsweetie, but yes what you said is somewhat dangerous as it does give me hope that may or may not be realized.
I have written a number of drafts to my H but they were in response to his desire to have the marriage end, BEFORE I learned of the CSA. So, I will likely go through a more drafts as my thought process has now changed somewhat. I can completely relate to initial feelings of anger, betrayal and wanting to say grow up and get over it because it is not all about you. But the more I learn, the more I realize that he is so very conflicted and confused, eventhough he doesn't know it.
I like your question of "what kind of person do I want him to find out that he has married". It is a particularly timely question because who he believes me to be is completely different from who I really am. I don't know how he came to the conclusions that he's come to though because I haven't really changed. I think he has brainwashed himself into believe that I am a certain type, almost so that it is easier for him to walk away. If I was truly how he is describing me, I wouldn't want to be with me either