Thanks for the encouraging note rchsweetie, but yes what you said is somewhat dangerous as it does give me hope that may or may not be realized.

I have written a number of drafts to my H but they were in response to his desire to have the marriage end, BEFORE I learned of the CSA. So, I will likely go through a more drafts as my thought process has now changed somewhat. I can completely relate to initial feelings of anger, betrayal and wanting to say grow up and get over it because it is not all about you. But the more I learn, the more I realize that he is so very conflicted and confused, eventhough he doesn't know it.

I like your question of "what kind of person do I want him to find out that he has married". It is a particularly timely question because who he believes me to be is completely different from who I really am. I don't know how he came to the conclusions that he's come to though because I haven't really changed. I think he has brainwashed himself into believe that I am a certain type, almost so that it is easier for him to walk away. If I was truly how he is describing me, I wouldn't want to be with me either \:\)

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"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.