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#231774 - 06/19/08 12:03 AM what do you fear the most?
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
i fear rejection the most. after several years of abuse, my older brother perp one day, simply dismissed the years of sexual initiation; that twas the ultimate rejection for me, who had, i am ashamed to admit, come to look forward to his attention. i was flattered by it. after closing the door, he died and left me alone to deal with his usage of me.

rejection defeats me and paralyzes me, and anything that vaguely resembles it disarms me to the point where it steals my power to defend myself.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#231777 - 06/19/08 12:14 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Sans Logos]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
a stupid chintzy puppet of the devil that my neighbor owned when i was a little boy. (see my new thread in the members section).

oh, and rejection too....


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#231830 - 06/19/08 10:19 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: testingWaters]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
humiliation
rejection is high - but being purposely humiliated and shamed ... for me that's the big one.

m

PS - GOOD topic choice, Ron.


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#231835 - 06/19/08 10:39 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: MarkK]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
1. The big one for me was fear of not being believed. That one was drilled into me by the abuser, of course.

2. I guess there is one that still troubles me, and that would be fear of returning to drugs, even though I have been clean nearly 33 years. And yeah, I guess being shamed by others for the things I was willing to do for the sake of drugs back then. Long time ago, but it still eats at me somehow.

Good thread. We have to talk about this stuff otherwise it will continue to influence us.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#231848 - 06/19/08 11:25 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: roadrunner]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
That my assault was nothing to complain about. That being raped by a woman was something I should be happy about.

MS set me straight

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#231858 - 06/19/08 11:45 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: roadrunner]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
1. of being loved
2. of being not LOVED.
The first equaled abuse and the second loniliness. I fear the fRist one more.

ONE DAY AT A TIME
MIKE

.



Edited by michael banks (06/19/08 11:46 AM)
_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#231866 - 06/19/08 12:05 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: michael banks]
Justintime1 Offline


Registered: 06/19/08
Posts: 16
abandonment and not being believed


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#231872 - 06/19/08 12:24 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Justintime1]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
I used to fear rejection. I never felt like I was good enough in any thing that I did so I overcompensated; I had to do everything perfectly or I was a failure.

I have much more compassion for myself that I only had for others before. I'm only human, I will make mistakes. Hopefully I will learn from them and move forward.

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#231874 - 06/19/08 12:25 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Justintime1]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
fear that no one believe me
fear of rejection is my biggest
fear of being laughted at that i am not a strong man
fear not ever finding love and fulfillment in life
fear not being able to work through all this stuff
fear of living and dying.


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#231959 - 06/19/08 07:01 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: roadrunner]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Never finding peace from a painful past that forever haunts me.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#232043 - 06/19/08 11:39 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
Grunty1967b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 823
Loc: Australia
Fear that I will be sexually abused again. Crazy that as an adult I'd fear that but it's probably the little me thinking that.

Where do the two separate? The little me and the now me? I feel I just arrived at adulthood. Strange hey?


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#232048 - 06/20/08 12:17 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Grunty1967b]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
death.


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#232049 - 06/20/08 12:22 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Jarrad]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
death sounds peaceful to me Jarrad, sounds.....like ahhhhh, finally, finally my stupid brain will shut the fuck up.

_________________________
Thriving

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#232051 - 06/20/08 12:26 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: mogigo]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I fear loosing everything that I have worked so hard, and struggled for so long, to accomplish.

Detroit Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#232060 - 06/20/08 01:13 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 979
Loc: HULBERT OK
BEING ALONE

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#232075 - 06/20/08 02:49 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: OKIE MIKE]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
My larger struggles as an adult (and child) were with a fear of people. I had a lot of negative interactions with that species and that has been a difficult gremlin to whip.

As a boy in 8th grade I became ostracized by other boys and teachers for being queer. I was ingloriously "kicked off" the football team. The coach felt it was his duty to persecute me.

I also have had struggles with fears of abandonment. The abuse of me in the boy scout camp led to a range of fears. I was afraid of sex and of touching and of being abused. But yet I had "DID" and did (is that where they got the name DID? ) things with other boys which I later had no memory of doing.

My perp in the boy scout camp methodically threatened me with a knife hundreds of times: "If you ever tell, I will find you and kill you." And sometimes" "Are you going to tell?" "No". I was also tortured, starved and subjected to sm sex. I truly believed my life was in danger. On the last day of the camp I didn't know whether he was going to kill me or release me. When he released me I walked away with measured steps the way you would walk away from a mad dog. I still have fears of this deep in my subconscious mind.

Since I had been threatened about talking and had become a social outcast at school, I lost my ability of speech. It took over 3 years to get that back. Fear of talking!!!

edited by Puffer to improve content

Puffer




Edited by pufferfish (06/24/08 12:47 PM)

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#232084 - 06/20/08 04:32 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: pufferfish]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
.



Edited by SEVEN ARROWS (06/24/08 08:11 AM)

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#232096 - 06/20/08 07:19 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Jarrad]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I can understand easily how people will fear "death".

However; I tend to believe death is just another state in evolution. Much like a caterpiller entering a cacoon and evolving into a new form of being. A different state of mind or spirit.

Being a God fearing person; perhaps what I fear most is not doing that which I have been predestined to accomplish in life with the talents that have been graciously given to me.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#232105 - 06/20/08 08:00 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Fear of death is something I personally don't understand, and in fact has been something I've written about.

personally, my view on death is that if there is an afterlife, well great! I'll find out when I get there.

if on the other hand there isn't, ---- well there won't be any me there to worry about it, so it's not a problem.

to quote epicurus "Death is nothing to us, for where we are, death has not come, and when death has come we are not"

As for me, there are lots of things which scare me by association, physical contact, the S word, the smell of cigarettes etc.

I think though the thing I'm most afraid of is nothing, just to exist and not feel or create or be. Ive occasionally had some awful nightmares about just hanging alone in utter darkness.

this is why I want to deal with my Sa, sinse I think I've been sinking into something like that state for a couple of years.


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#232114 - 06/20/08 08:29 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: dark empathy]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Interesting train of thought.

Some of what you say reflects what mystics refer to as
("The Dark Night Of The Soul")

Check this link for a brief summary;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_night

Many religions also speak of similar expressions of the human soul experiencing a void of darkness often unspeakable and difficult to articulate in human language. Pain is often incorporated in that void.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#232122 - 06/20/08 08:55 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Death to me has always been frightening... because it will end the joy I have in being with the ones I love - I cherish my relationships with others above all else, and the end to that is overwhelmingly sad...

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#232123 - 06/20/08 08:57 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I been thinking about this question for actually longer than it was posted. My T asked me a couple weeks ago what I fear the most, and in group we were asked to share with each other our fears. I didn't really say anything because I don't know. I guess that sounds weird because almost everybody on the planet fears something and they'd be able to tell you right away. I just have to think about it.

So here goes nothing. These are the things I've thought of that I fear:

1)Moths. (Don't ask me why. I have no idea. A moth can send me into a panic attack just as fast as anything else.

2)Not having my grandpa around. My grandmom died in Feb., and it kind of hit me like I was thinking that my grandpa is pretty old and I might not have him in my life much longer. That's actually a HUGE fear. It makes me very emotional even considering the thought.

3)I fear that I'll never find someone to spend my life with and to fall in love with who truly understands and accepts everything about me. I mean, I see like wives of survivors and stuff on this board and I read stories about how hard it is on them and their kids and stuff, and I just fear that I will make it too hard on my lover and he won't be able to handle all of my bullshit.

4)I fear that I will always be like this. I worry that I'll always be an emotional basketcase and that I'll never be able to get past my problems.

5)I fear that some of the things my taker made me do has affected other people and they are struggling just like I am to figure things out.

6)I fear that the next panic attack I have is the one that freaks me out for good and drives me to the nut house.

My grandpa says that when he dies he wants two things written on his headstone, "No Regrets!" and "He Just Wanted To Be Known Always As A Good Man." I kind of wonder alot if he regrets ever taking me in and having to deal with everything, because I know I haven't been the perfect grandson and that alot of other grandparents don't have to deal with this shit. I think when you retire from your job and you get older, you should be able to just sit back and relax and enjoy life. But I kind of get in the way of that and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry for that.

I want to be known as a good man too!
Well that's my emotional rollercoaster for today. It wasn't easy writing all that, but I had to.

Peace out!
Joey


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#232132 - 06/20/08 09:27 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: JasonSmalls]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Joey,

I'm so glad you wrote all that down and hit "submit". Talking about things is already a start towards facing those fears and removing their power to harm you. In fact, all those fears you mentioned will be addressed by your T and all of them can be resolved.

On your Grandpa, know what I hope you will do? Go find him, sit down, and talk about exactly what you said above:

Quote:
I kind of wonder a lot if he regrets ever taking me in and having to deal with everything, because I know I haven't been the perfect grandson and that a lot of other grandparents don't have to deal with this shit. I think when you retire from your job and you get older, you should be able to just sit back and relax and enjoy life. But I kind of get in the way of that and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry for that.

Don't sit in silence with your feelings about how you are affecting him. I felt the same way when I told my Dad about the abuse; I was 56, he was 80, and I wondered if telling him would actually harm him. But when I told him he was happy that I had broken the secret and he has been there for me ever since. He says he will never be too old to be my Dad, and I bet George will tell you he will never be too old to be the Grandpa you need.

That's the way it is in a safe caring family, Joey. You always want to be there for your kids, nieces and nephews, and grandchildren. They are the most important priorities in your life. You matter to your Grandpa because you are Joey.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#232156 - 06/20/08 10:35 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Fear? I fear that everything that I have told my therapist, my family, the guys here, everything that I believed happened was my imagination. I fear being insane, but I also fear that what I experienced really is true. I fear that there is no end to the pain. I fear that some day I will kill myself to find peace only to find out that there isn't any. I fear God hates me as much or more than I think he already does.


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#232178 - 06/20/08 12:21 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jcf1957]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
in my early years i used to fear death, but as i have navigated the struggles of my life, and celebrated many joyful victories, realized long lost hope, i also realize god has many good ideas, and this life here on this physical plane, is NOT his best idea. he has yet to show his hand; we will all revel in joy someday.

it is hard to talk about god, especially when he is supposed to be such a compassionate creator [ and that, i believe, he is ]. i feel badly about the peoples he made who were born, and possibly thru no design of their own got sucked into a vortex of evil from which they could not escape, and end up doing terrible things in life that most of us would never consider doing. i myself did not wake up one day and say:' hmmmmm, let's see...... what sins i can commit today, against myself and others'. there but for the grace of god go i....

nothing is ever as simple as i want to believe it to be

thanks for the interesting sidecar thread

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#232181 - 06/20/08 12:32 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Sans Logos]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
WOW - what a question...

the thing I fear the most...

that mom was actualy right in the things she used to say about me

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#232216 - 06/20/08 02:16 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: TJ jeff]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1963
Loc: durham, north england
Hmmmm jcf, I'm not sure about the dark night of the soul. for me, the fear of just existing without feeling, creating or understanding, just being utterly alone with myself and disengaged from everything isn't exactly spiritual, sinse it's not precisely tied to abandonment by God, it's more a fear of no longer being able to experience the world or feelings from it, to miss out on creation and pleasure and everything that makes life worth living, and just end up hanging in blackness alone with myself.

i also have something of jason's fear of never finding someone, but I'm not sure if that is a fear. It started out as hope, and a good thing, then gradually dived into resignation and synicism about the hole subject of love, and as I've said it was falling in love with **** which made me realize I needed to open the recovery box.

now, i'm hoping that if I can deal with my own feelings and learn to recognize the feelings of others, ----- not to mention jumping a mile if anyone (especially girls), touches me, it'll make finding someone easier. though i freely admit that on my bad days i do slip into disparing of this ever happening, but I wouldn't describe it as a fear.

I'm also not sure whether my trigger reactions about the S word or physical contact actually count as fears, sinse their not things I actually brood over or become bothered about, just instinctive knee jerk reactions which happen whenever I encounter them. you can get electric shocks, ---- but that doesn't mean your afraid of electricity.

That's my thinking on this anyway, sorry about the long ramble, I just found this a really interesting topic.


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#232576 - 06/22/08 02:40 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: dark empathy]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
I fear dying by my own destruction. Lately, I haven't been doing everything I need to do to take care of myself. Haven't been exercising, sleeping right, and have been very fond of the brewskies lately. I've been slacking on that. Working three jobs is no excuse for what I do to myself. I'm affraid of doctors. I fear the doc telling me, "Jason I have bad news.....". Yea, that one scares the holy bejesus outta me.

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#232595 - 06/22/08 05:06 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: endlessjourney]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I guess I can say I have now been relieved of two huge fears..one that my Mom might have to endure a long existence of infirmity and suffering and two, that she might die a painful death. I no longer have to fear either of those things. I would say my single greatest fear now is that my last abuser will track me down and abuse me again. At least that's what I have most of my nightmares about.
I feel like a coward saying that, but it's the truth.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#232616 - 06/22/08 07:22 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Sans Logos]
Shy_Guy Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 4
Loc: Fremont, CA
I've been relating to everybody's posts, so thanks for sharing.

For me, my greatest fear is not being able to move on. I'm 33 and realize that all those years of ignoring things have come back with a vengeance, where I'm unable now to ignore the things that I practiced ignoring for some 20 plus years.

Jason


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#232651 - 06/22/08 10:30 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Shy_Guy]
Wyclef_Bakr Offline


Registered: 06/22/08
Posts: 51
Loc: Doorstep of Thugz Mansion.
My biggest fear was letting my children down and hurting them, I don't know what me not being there for weeks and months at a time has done to them.


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#232657 - 06/22/08 10:51 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I fear my bed
I fear being in my bed in the dark in my room alone
I fear having to re-live it
I fear anything i might recall, any bad dream, i fear losing control, fear becoming really frightened and not being able to return to my senses
I fear that it was allowed

I fear that i may ruin my education if i don't learn to go to sleep properly again

I fear that i will never sleep properly again

I fear that i would be blamed or not believed (i know i know all irrational things but they are still there- for now)

I fear that i will never be able to connect with somebody in a loving way

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#232660 - 06/22/08 10:57 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Wyclef_Bakr
My biggest fear was letting my children down and hurting them, I don't know what me not being there for weeks and months at a time has done to them.


Wyclef, that is a very honest place to start, that must have been difficult for you to say, and it's honourable that you start with this item of "i don't know", it shows that you have great strength within you to be able to put yourself out there in that place of vulnerability, that uncertain ground, and to start with such an enthusiasm and willingness to address these issues head on.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#232664 - 06/22/08 11:15 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Shy_Guy]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jason,
I was just trying to survive the abuse I endure as a child as best I could. It took me 18 yrs to get enough time from my abuse to be a to even ackowldge what had happen. I found a safe place and people who were willing to listen and help me deal with what had happen to me as a child. When I first start dealing with my abuse I was overwhelmed by all the feelings that came rushing to the surface. At first I didn't think I would survive them. But in TIME (time is important) I am learning to deal with them better.---Mike---

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#232801 - 06/23/08 04:16 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: Wyclef_Bakr]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bakr,

Originally Posted By: Wyclef_Bakr
My biggest fear was letting my children down and hurting them, I don't know what me not being there for weeks and months at a time has done to them.

The truth of the matter is that you were in a very dark place yourself for a long time. Nyjah got a lot of help with his problems during that time and maybe that was for the best. In any case, he have him back now - that's what is important. I hope you can both focus on that and use your love for each other to help each other heal. He adores you Bakr, he really does. What an amazing gift. I hope you can embrace it without reservations and build on it together.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#232833 - 06/23/08 07:10 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: roadrunner]
rehpotsirhcs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 204
My greatest fear is that everyone will abandon me.


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#232842 - 06/23/08 08:41 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
My greatest fear is coming to the realization that kids continue to be abused every day. It's the reason why I can't leave this site no matter how much I want to.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#232843 - 06/23/08 08:42 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: BJK]
testingWaters Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/06
Posts: 508
was looking at the "active topics" and this ordering took the words out of my mouth:

what do you fear the most?
My Dad Joining.


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#232850 - 06/23/08 09:02 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: testingWaters]
BJK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526
I did that on purpose, you know:)

Just kidding, of course. My biggest fear might actually be my mom joining, but since I know that will never happen, I can rest easy.

_________________________
Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

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#233014 - 06/24/08 08:57 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: rehpotsirhcs
My greatest fear is that everyone will abandon me.


I get that all the time too, Chris, and that is a really hard thing to shake, it's similar to the fear of being alone, i think, but harder, because being abandoned has with it the idea that you are alone and it is your fault. That will take time to change for sure, and i will be doing this with you.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#233025 - 06/24/08 10:12 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: king tut]
River Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/07
Posts: 112
Loc: Nashville,Tennessee
1. I fear FEAR... always being afraid, jumpy, overprotective and overly guarded/nontrusting...walled up.
2. Being separated from the Spirit of the Universe... not being able to enjoy blue skies, smell the flowers and enjoy the smiles on my childrens faces.
3. Likewise, not being able to receive and give Love... forever being isolated and alone.
4. Not being able to have a good deep belly laugh.

_________________________
GD

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#233030 - 06/24/08 10:42 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: River]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Big fears:

That nothing in my head is real. What if it's all an act? Part of me knows when I'm supposed to be happy, or joyful, or loving, and says the words and makes the expressions, but deep down, I have no clue what other people mean by those feelings.

Getting older and not moving forward towards anything...I wake up at night imagining my life in the future...looks just like now, but I'm not attractive, more alone, and getting weaker.

Fear that I've chosen all this. My childhood had good and bad like everyone else's. So why am I focusing on old pain, hurting myself every time I do? Why haven't I built on my strengths? I'm not a believer, but I fear some cosmic judge (maybe just me) asking me why I didn't play the hand I was dealt.


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#233035 - 06/24/08 11:14 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: MemoryVault]
JustJeff Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/19/08
Posts: 262
1) I fear the possiblity that perhaps someone i love and cherish might have been abused.

_________________________
.

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#233052 - 06/24/08 11:38 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: JustJeff]
jaa Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Rhode Island
I fear that I'm an abuser...not of children but of women.

I fear that my sister's boyfriend is an abuser of children.

_________________________
John

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#233070 - 06/24/08 12:09 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: jaa]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Like MemoryValut, I fear that I'm making all this stuff up. I fear growing old alone. I fear crowds.

_________________________
My Story

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#233084 - 06/24/08 01:15 PM . [Re: Barkabus]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:55 PM)

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#233093 - 06/24/08 01:58 PM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: bardo213]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Oh yes!

I have the fear of lack of change (as in pocket change).

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/24/08 02:23 PM)

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#233417 - 06/25/08 07:55 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: pufferfish]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
My biggest fear used to be going insane. I grew up with a schizophrenic father so I have far too many examples of bizarre behavior, plus there's the hereditary factor that always threw me into a panic.

I have since gotten past that fear. No amount of panic or anxiety will create psychosis. For the mentally ill, it's the other way around. Things that you or I cannot understand create anxiety and panic in a mentally ill person.

What I realize now as I grow older is that my biggest fear is rejection and/or abandonment, if there is a difference.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#233976 - 06/27/08 12:01 AM Re: what do you fear the most? [Re: cbfull]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
My biggest fear is that I will go through the rest of my life knowing my rapist won. That he was able to arrange that he never raped me; that I lived in delusion and I suffered a Personality Disorder.
After that, knowing that I will never have the comfort of being able to wear my "dolphins" (submarine qualification insignia)again and feel the comfort of a submarine diving the water and really knowing that I'm safe around a group of men I can trust with my life.

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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