My larger struggles as an adult (and child) were with a fear of people. I had a lot of negative interactions with that species and that has been a difficult gremlin to whip.
As a boy in 8th grade I became ostracized by other boys and teachers for being queer. I was ingloriously "kicked off" the football team. The coach felt it was his duty to persecute me.
I also have had struggles with fears of abandonment. The abuse of me in the boy scout camp led to a range of fears. I was afraid of sex and of touching and of being abused. But yet I had "DID" and did (is that where they got the name DID?
) things with other boys which I later had no memory of doing.
My perp in the boy scout camp methodically threatened me with a knife hundreds of times: "If you ever tell, I will find you and kill you." And sometimes" "Are you going to tell?" "No". I was also tortured, starved and subjected to sm sex. I truly believed my life was in danger. On the last day of the camp I didn't know whether he was going to kill me or release me. When he released me I walked away with measured steps the way you would walk away from a mad dog. I still have fears of this deep in my subconscious mind.
Since I had been threatened about talking and had become a social outcast at school, I lost my ability of speech. It took over 3 years to get that back. Fear of talking!!!edited by Puffer to improve content