I haven't been here in almost 5 months and I don't recognize anyone really.
But hey, someone who knows me will see this in time, right? (love to Frost and FormerTexan esp. - both of whom I should really take the time to write personally and will soon.....).
Well, its been awhile. I feel like I have been through hell several times over in the past few months. But I think it was necessary.
Last December I was forced to acknowledge (see old threads) that I am quite a bit more dissociative than I ever admitted. Doing so was the scariest thing I have ever done, but finally cracked the barrier towards real progress. Over the ensuing months, I've discovered parts of myself I didn't know existed. Like the very, very little guy who cries when he so much as thinks of Winnie the Pooh, and the daredevil who thinks riding his motorcycle fairly drunk is a good way to find some excitement (no comments about that one please - it was a one time thing and won't happen again).
Anyways, I've made a great deal of progress, I like to think. My understanding of things like boundaries, projection and self-sabotage has deepened considerable. I am learning to be alot more honest with the people around me and working slowly but surely on becoming healthily autonomous and much less reactive.
On the downside (well, actually, speaking of it has helped alot), I've finally opened up to my therapist and a fine friend I made at Alta about the very scary parts of the abuse. I am slowly teaching myself to talk about it and I am noticing that, when I do, alot falls in to place in the rest of my life.
Love to all y'all. If you are new and we never met before, welcome - you have found a truly exceptional resource.