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#231314 - 06/16/08 02:47 PM have to say something
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
I am really upset. i'm not sure if this is the right place to say things but i have to get it off my chest. i'm so sick of how people act. everyone is a liar and everyone has their own selfish agenda. has anyone here ever trusted again? because i dont think i ever will. i don't think i ever want to again, to much at risk, to much hurt, i don't think i've ever known anyone in my whole life to just liked me for me without wanting something from me.


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#231315 - 06/16/08 03:00 PM Re: have to say something [Re: Justintime]
jaa Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/17/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Rhode Island
I don't believe I've been able to understand what trust really is...but I do know that there are people in my life that want me trust them and want to be able to trust me...until I can trust myself I don't think I can expect to fully trust others.

jaa

_________________________
John

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#231338 - 06/16/08 04:26 PM Re: have to say something [Re: Justintime]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
justin, i can really relate to what you are saying, although, for today my life has changed so much that i no longer magnetize such energy into my life.

where in our lives have we learned to trust? as survivors, we all come from family systems that were rife with deceit, lies and manipulation. that is the atmosphere we breathed for much of our life. in order to trust, one must be exposed to trust. one must be permitted to fail in trust, and then be accepted unconditionally in the climate of forgiveness. this breeds trust. and jaa alluded, we cannot learn to trust until we can trust ourselves.

in our early life, we had not exposure to positive trust building experiences, and therefore no model for its practice. so we continually choose the same familiar types of relationships that we had always known, because there we find some measure in the control that is offered in living with the familiar. it is not until we can break free of this tether to our past and our 'normal' way of being in relationships, and strike out on our own to create experiences apart from the familiar ones we had always known, that trust begins to happen. we have to allow ourselves to intersect our lives with those who are trustworthy, and we will find trusting people, who, while concerned about protecting their highest and best interests, will serve ours in the process.

so congratulations, you have arrived at the portal to such a haven: male survivor! rejoice, because now you no longer have to associate with these people that you mention above.

we have all been used, and i dare speak for everyone here when i say those of us who have been spiritually brutalized in the manner we all know so well, are pining to find that unconditional love that is polar opposite to the effects of that 'love' which threatens to secretly, silently erases us with each passing minute.

so these feelings that you have will not go away. they will resonate throughout the course of your life, doing their damage as they lurk beneath the surface, BUT they can be stripped of their power, and they will fade as you learn to work thru the process of recovery which includes being angry, sad, forgiving and learning to trust and love, perhaps for the first time in your life.

welcome to the journey......

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#231456 - 06/17/08 08:37 AM Re: have to say something [Re: Sans Logos]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
thanks. just seems like even people I thought i could trust end up being just as bad as everyone else. I would just like to say those three words to someone for once and not have them look at me like im disgusting or a freak and not ask me if I like it and not expect it from me, like my partner who Ive known for over a year, who I thought I knew, who wouldnt come near me after I mentiioned it to him, I figured he was being nice, giving me time or trying to figure out how to approach it, then he gets drunk and comes after me, I tell him I dont want too because I just cant handle it right then, so he gets mad and says "why not, you apparently gave it to everyone else" felt like I got run over by a truck when he said that, so in other words he thinks I was just a slut and a hustler, right, a six year old slut


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#231457 - 06/17/08 08:54 AM Re: have to say something [Re: Justintime]
MemoryVault Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Wow, Justintime, that's the kind of deal-breaker remark that's going to destroy trust. It should. Do you trust yourself to know you deserve better than that?

I think trust is like a muscle. We haven't had much chance to use it yet, and we're not ready to do heavy lifting. But we can try something small--trust someone with something minor and see what happens. Maybe we'll pull the muscle and have to rest for a while, or maybe it'll start getting stronger. It's something that builds over time.

For many of us, trust itself isn't the issue--it's bringing people into our lives who should be trusted, instead of the ones we're right not to trust.


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#231458 - 06/17/08 09:01 AM Re: have to say something [Re: MemoryVault]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
you know what I did think i deserved better and i thought I was getting better until he makes that comment and it just crushes me, destroys all the good feelings i had about myself, made me think "gee maybe hes right maybe its all im good for", so I give in and that just confirms it in my mind, then guilt, I dont blame him I dont think he really knows or understands what it does to me. i know what you mean about bringing people into our lives that should be trusted, maybe part of the reason why i came here even though i didnt want to really, i wanted to start somewhere, no one knows me here and I only have to talk about what i want too and when I talk about this stuff I cant see peoples faces when they read it, its easier, maybe a good start.


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#231461 - 06/17/08 09:09 AM Re: have to say something [Re: Justintime]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...


_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#231462 - 06/17/08 09:15 AM Re: have to say something [Re: Sans Logos]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
sorry didn't mean to make anybody upset or anything, said to much.


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