I always thought i was just a strong guy, i've allways dealt with all this SA stuff by my self, with some help from y'all.
Well saturday night I met all of this girl's friends, at a party. When we talked again today we talked about like how i was not doin good at the party. I wasnt and she realised how 'emotionally unstable', i was, and said that we need to like put every thing on pause so i can really start healing (wich i havent ever really started). I completly agree, Im not upset about her and I. WHAT I am like upset about is the fact that my abuse really has affected my life. For the most part its been alot of little shit, like not liking crowds or nightmares, stuff that people wouldnt notice and I could compenstate for. But this I mean fuck this is the first like huge event of my SA screwing stuff up. Im having trouble dealing with the fact of how messed up i am. it feels like im trying to ride a unicycle up a hill backwards with a pot on my head, trying to jugle oranges and screaming 'why me why me why me!?'
"Go then, there are other worlds than these"
-John 'Jake' Chambers
I'd rather be above the grass than below it.