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#230872 - 06/14/08 12:14 AM Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
I'm starting to think that half of the problem is that there are not enough hours in the day, i'm sure if the days were longer then i would go to sleep in the night, i think we should slow down the Earths rotation somehow so that i can be the same as everybody else and sleep properly. I wish we didn't even have to go to sleep that would be so much easier! Sleep is such a waste of time, i could get so much sorted out if i didn't have to go to sleep, sleep is just evil, i hate sleep, i better get some because i have to go to work tomorrow, but i think i might not go to sleep for a while and see if it is better that way.

who else hates sleep? who thinks we should put in a petition to Earths council to increase the day or talk to the evolutionary board and just get rid of sleep altogether? (lol, evolution of species, revolution of earth, not such a coincidence that they rhyme now is it)

i'm probably the only one, because i understand how the idea of sitting down and having a cup of hot chocolate or getting sung lullabys can be appealing, but that just doesn't happen and i just had a cup of hot chocolate and it didn't do all that much for me.

I don't understand how people can just go to bed with their night gowns and fluffy slippers and go to sleep like they have no worries in the world, maybe they do have no worries in the world. I find it hard to remember to take my shoes off before i go to bed that is how messed up my sleep is. I hate it that my bad dreams have started up again now too, must mean i need to do more soul searching, oh, by that i mean i need to find my soul i think it ran away during the confusion.

I just don't get it, am i the only person that can't sleep? am i the only person that still gets frightened, doesn't anybody else get frightened? I'm not weak and i don't mean to get frightened it's just not my fault, i know there is nothing to be frightened of anymore, i know how old i am and how stupid it is okay, i just do get frightened. Does anybody else get afraid? hell i even get afraid sometimes that i will get afraid, afraid that i will have a bad dream so decide not to go to sleep, is anybody else like this or am i the only person who's eyes are getting more and more black?

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#230880 - 06/14/08 01:50 AM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: king tut]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Well, I wake up at night. I am a night owl by nature. Not a morning person at all.

At night my body wakes up and I get real creative and want to tackle all kinds of projects.

I think my sleep neurohumors are mixed up.

Puffer


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#230934 - 06/14/08 12:12 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: pufferfish]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
well...

I used to hate sleep

when i was in my teens - there was times I'd go days without sleeping - sleep just did'nt feel safe

then I went in the military - where they drive you so hard physicaly that you just collapse at any chance given to sleep

then - after getting out of the military I went into a strange sleep pattern of sleeping good some nights and only being able to sleep for an hour or two on other nights

now - I generaly sleep at least 6 hours a night - though there are times when I will only sleep a few hours because of things going on in my head (but that really is'nt very often anymore - not like it was years ago)

funny thing is... now that I'm sleeping what most would consider "normal" - now it seems there just is'nt enough hours in the day to get everything done - can I put in a petition with you to the earths council? \:\)

don't be hard on yourself for being afraid to sleep sometimes -it's not weak at all to be afraid to sleep (with the scarey stuff we see in our sleep sometimes - anybody'd be afraid to go to sleep) - heck, I'm 36 and there is still times when I get afraid to sleep (though I am very glad that through working on recovery those times have gotten a lot less frequent)

sleep is important for the body though... - the body needs sleep to function properly - I hope that as you continue to work on your recovery that sleep will become easier for you

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#230936 - 06/14/08 12:20 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: king tut]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lewis,

Originally Posted By: king tut
I'm not weak and i don't mean to get frightened it's just not my fault, i know there is nothing to be frightened of anymore, i know how old i am and how stupid it is okay, i just do get frightened. Does anybody else get afraid? hell i even get afraid sometimes that i will get afraid, afraid that i will have a bad dream so decide not to go to sleep, is anybody else like this or am i the only person who's eyes are getting more and more black?

Up until about a year ago I made sure that I had my teddy with me when I came to bed, and I really wanted to have a small night light on. Even with my wife right there in the bed with me.

Lewis, we know we are safe, yes. But remember that our problems are emotional, and that emotions will so often overrule our common sense until we work on this issue in therapy. The problem is that 19 yo Lewis knows that his bed is safe now, but he is at the same time trying to come to terms with what was done to Little Lewis 9 years ago. And Little Lewis is scared and now for the first time has the chance to express how he feels.

This head v. heart problem is normal, Lewis; it doesn't mean you are weak or messed up. It means you are a recovering survivor. Please keep talking about these things. Doing that will help you to see a way forward and to recognize that these are old feelings that can't hurt you anymore.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#230985 - 06/14/08 03:31 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: roadrunner]
rehpotsirhcs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 204
I hate sleep too.


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#230993 - 06/14/08 05:03 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
SEVEN ARROWS Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I hate sleep and sleep hates me


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#231005 - 06/14/08 06:11 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: TJ jeff]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Thank you for your thoughtful and kind reply and for this discussion as a whole.

Yes sleep is a problem for me. A few years ago I went to a horn camp (not horny! camp). I slept in a room in a converted barn where the floors would squeek as people came in late at night. At the sound of the squeeky floor I would be instantly aroused. If you have read some of my story you can probably figure out why.

A year and a half ago my dear wife died of the disease ALS. I was the principle caregiver for her last 2 years. I had to be there for her a lot in her disability. I had to force myself to "perform" even when I was very tired. Now I am alone and I have the habit of being vigilant and forcing myself onward. It has taken a lot of time to just begin to relax. Is this called chronic fatigue or something?

Thanks again,

Puffer


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#231131 - 06/15/08 11:24 AM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: pufferfish]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Such internal pain, here is a good question, beyond the real fear, the real inability to settle and breath when i try to lie down as if to sleep, beyond the thoughts and memories that replay through my mind and the wonder and indecision of whether i am a 19 year old boy or still a 10 year old boy who is about to be disturbed, is it really a matter of control, not sleeping, sure on a less thoughtful level it is control over the circadian rhythm of life, or even control to make sure my mind doesn't trick itself into thinking i am back in time, but with internal pain that has no expression, is it a subversive effort to show my pain, to make an internal pain something that i can quantify, almost parallel to those who cut themselves. That is something to think about, when i feel out of control and confused and desperate then my sleep, obviously, gets worse, but what are the ruling factors, expression, and wrestling control by not sleeping, or is it the fear. Silly question really, it is definitely the fear. I'm trying to resolve. I have spent a lot of time thinking and planning bed time routines as if i am a child doing this for the first time, but that doesn't hold up against the tide. So i need to look at the roots, so that i can firmly anchor myself.

I don't know how to do this, how to convince myself, or is it more so....yes it is, i dont know how to stop the memories from being disturbing, or at least putting them in the past, i have written lots, tried to do this so much, the only way that my mind sees a way out, is to go back to that time, when i was young, and to stop it then and there. Not possible. Does this mean i will always just have to accept that it will always be there?

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


Top
#231654 - 06/18/08 01:10 PM Re: Earths rotation slows at order of King_tut [Re: king tut]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Lewis,

The reason we "go back" is not to retraumatize ourselves and relive the pain, but to get in touch with the feelings that abuse gave us. That's important because those feelings continue to affect us, even though we may not see that so clearly.

Once we see that we're not gaining anything new from the past, then it's time to leave it behind and devote our attention and energy to where we are now, in the present. We use what we have learned from the past to look at those old feelings, learn how they have misled us, and discover ways to keep that from happening again. It does take time, but that's what we ultimately gain - an ability to live with the past while denying it any further power to hurt us.

So yes, I imagine you will always remember what your brother did to you, just like someone who has been in a bad auto crash will always remember that. But that past will not "own" you anymore. It will not be able to hurt you and you won't fear it. You will be able to recognize your own worth, plan a future for yourself that's rewarding and fulfilling, and move on to realize your own amazing potential - not just as a scientist, Lewis, but as a man too.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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