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#230725 - 06/13/08 11:15 AM Penis no longer even fakes it
unitedfit Offline


Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 10
Loc: New York
I have come clean with what has occurred and now that I was stimulated to respond sexually. I am no longer blaming myself. Since I have come to terms with my sexual abuse and since then realized that is what I have been searching for sexually, here is the question why do I continue look for this sick stuff.

Why is it that my penis or mind look for that stimulation to respond too. Actually my penis won't even stand for healthy sexual activity as it did before it actually just doesnít even want to pretend any more. Any advice guys? Am I alone has this happen to any other guys? Yes I have a psychiatrist but like to look for answers in between my session too.

I was blaming an anti-depressant I was taking for my penis not response, but given the stimulants similar to my abuse he stands no problem


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#230778 - 06/13/08 06:51 PM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: unitedfit]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
The quick answer is that you have been conditioned to respond to stimuli similar to the stimulation you experienced in the abuse. Somehow, "normal" or healthy stimuli are overridden by the abuse stimuli.

Therapy with a T knowledgable and experienced with sexual reconditioning may be the best move.


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#230870 - 06/14/08 12:02 AM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
You a big guy? Have a weight or high blood pressure issue? Take high blood pressure medication?

I really like Cialis. My insurance company thinks that it is a recreational drug, and refuses to pay or it. (It is $83 for a 20mg six pack at Walmart). I tell my doctor that and she laughs and gives me another 3 six-packs of samples.

There can be a problem brought-on by aging. In my experience Cialis or Levitra can just about fix anything. Kind of like duct tape.

TM

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#230879 - 06/14/08 01:33 AM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: unitedfit]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yes,

I or we don't really know much about you to answer the question.

1. Your age: Are you 80 years old or 18?

2. Your physical shape: Do you have a health impingement or blood pressure problem, etc.?

3. What are your expectations and preexisting habits. Like are you used to experiencing a sexual high several times a day or what?

Well, if there is nothing noteworthy in answering these questions then let's assume that you are making great progress in solving your issues from CSA. You are not being triggered so much, and you don't have those things going on in your subconscious that used to get you up. Then if this is true then you are habituated to a certain level of sexual stimulation which just is not supported by the ongoing context anymore. It should take care of itself if you can just be patient. Remember 21 days to form a new habit. You will need to habituate at a lower level than before.

In other words, I think this just happens with survivors as they get through their stuff. What you are experiencing is a side affect of gettin through it. Try taking some saw palmetto or something. Cost is 1/1000 as much as Rx drug remedy.

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/17/08 05:07 PM)

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#231459 - 06/17/08 09:03 AM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: unitedfit]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
If you're willing to discuss it than I am. I have noticed this happening to myself more and more as the years go by. I know it's abuse related because I can feel that I am very "tuned out" of what the arousal should feel like. I haven't discussed it with anyone yet so I thought this would be a good opportunity to speak up.

I have a few cialis tablets at home that I keep handy in case I decide to grow horns, but you are definitely not alone.

I think I'll bring it up with my doctor and then when I find a new therapist I'll make sure he/she knows and that I'm concerned about it.

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#232203 - 06/20/08 01:32 PM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: cbfull]
unitedfit Offline


Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 10
Loc: New York
Thanks for the few responses at least I don't feel alone.

I wanted to provide more information that was asked, because I it will help others get to know me. I am 38 years old in good shape my blood pressure and cholesterol is all good. I do go to the gym 3 to 4 days a week for several years.
I have been classified as ADHD since I was about 6 years old and have been very successful in life with modification that I have learned myself since back when i was young no real help for ADHD.

I was sexually and mentally abused since a very young age. I believe 7 to about 15 this was done by a parent. I was humiliated and taught be in role outside of where any kid should be. I was spanked also and manipulated to sexually respond to satisfy there needs. I do go to a psychiatrist and have for several years it has taken time and I came forward with my sexual and mental abuse.

From my abuse I seek humiliation and domination to stimulate my penis so it can react the way it was taught through out my childhood. I so want my current relationship to be successful but since I have come to realize more and more my abuse it seems my dick doesnít want to fake it anymore it just want the old stimuli which I donít want except I would like to get off once in a while too but would love to enjoy real stimuli instead of the sick stuff that I was trained mentally to respond too. Any help guys.


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#232215 - 06/20/08 02:16 PM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: unitedfit]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Yes, this helps a lot. I have 3 comments.

1. Your age. You are beginning the years in which your body responds less to sexual things. Your libido naturally decreases. During this age some men try to compensate by going out and buying red convertibles.

2. Child sexual abuse does pump up some expectations in our body chemistry. Just like being on a drug. During therapy, we come to terms with what happened to us and the desires caused by the abuse begin to subside. It takes about a year for a desire to subside. You probably had a bunch of such unhealthy sexual experiences in your abuse as a child. So it will take some time for these body expectations to subside. These things rattle around in our subconscious mind and generate the desire for sexual feelings and the chemical rush that they release in our body even as children. But then as they subside, we remimber being stimulated and we at some level crave it but we are not getting that kind of stimulation anymore. So we are left with a craving. The best way to handle this is to just kind of tough it out if you can and wait for these chemical messages to subside. Just remember that your body was taught unreasonable expectations as a child and that these must now level out with reality. The best way to do this is by keeping busy. Do physical exercise. Pursue your hobbies. This frequently happens during our years of therapy.

3. It probably shows that your therapy is succeeding. You can be glad of this. But just remember it will take some time for your body chemistry to adjust to the progress in you mind.

Puffer




Edited by pufferfish (06/20/08 02:20 PM)

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#243884 - 08/11/08 10:47 AM Re: Penis no longer even fakes it [Re: pufferfish]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Ok here's my two cents worth, Hell I tried to get my wife to get me a red (VW) pre '92, no soap. Well I don't know what masturbating might have to do with it, except we don't need a female. In my younger days 50 yrs younger, the damn thing was just like those rockets on a launch pad waiting to go. Now 55+ it's a piece of cooked (way overcooked) spagetthi. Now I'm not over weight, no high blood pressure. But about 15 years ago I was asking my doctor, hey what happened? He sends me to an urologist, checked out all systems, no medical problem, physocoligal(sp). Wife gets cancer no longer "INTERESTED". So back to good 'ol minnie (sorry) and her 4 fingers. Ok now up to 5 years ago, ready for an hernia operation, gotta go to urology again, get checked out, no medical problem, again physocologial (sp again) problem. Oh yep ahem I'm 69, and minnie is still here, it takes a while a loooooooong while. But just maybe it's those old CSA things still deeply buried getting in the way. So that's my two cents for what it's worth. Heal well.
Pete

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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