You know what I really hate.... is when people say "Don't complain. There's people out there far worse off than you." That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. For one, what if there's nobody worse off than me. What if I am that one person that's worse off than anybody else? And two, I think that's just a line people use when they can't just tell you they don't really give a shit about what you have to say or care how you feel.
I'm getting so sick and tired of what other people say and the way they treat me. It's" you're not good enough cause you're a faggot," or "you can't understand because you're not old enough," or "we've all been there." Yeah, I might be a faggot but that doesn't make me any less human than anyone else. I have feelings too ya know. Why do I have to be older to know the way some things are? That's like telling an American History expert that he can't teach you anything about George Washington because he wasn't alive 230 years ago.
I'm in panick mode today. I'm picking on everyone and anything I can think of. This asshole on another sitetricked me into thinking he really gave a shit about me. We were communicating back and forth for like the last six months and then it turns out that he's all fake. The guy, who I thought was 22 and from Akron, Ohio turns out to not be 22 and not from Ohio. It turns out that he could've been some kind of perv or something and once again, I fell for it. It doesn't matter whether I'm 3, 8, 14, or 17. Another guy has tricked me into believing him and that he understood me. I swear I feel so betrayed right now nobody can even begin to understand it. I know, you're probably thinking I'm being so dramatic and theatrical, but fine! whatever! Say what you want! Yeah I'm that fag that acts too girly and flamboyant. That might be true, but I don't lead people on and flat out lie to them.
I just don't get it. How could you lead somebody on like that and get them to the point where they tell you very detailed stuff about personal experiences and then you just betray that trust? Don't you fake people know what you do to people like me? I'm already fucked up and I already can't stand my life. Does it make you fake people feel better because I fell for a joke or a trick? You're just takers. That's it.
Because of what you did, John, and that's probably not even you're real name, I will have an even harder time trusting people. You claimed to be my friend and I thought we were friends, but you just used me for some sick twisted fun. It's not right. I felt bad for you when you told me things that your father did to you, and I cried about these things when we were chatting. I wished you didn't have to go through so much and I wished you could get better and we could help each other out.
I told you things I never even told my T. I never told my grandpa or anyone else. About a month ago I started to suspect something but I didn't say anything to you. I'm always suspicious about people anyway, so I just figured I was being paranoid. But last night when you asked me, "Do you ever miss it and do you wish you could go back to it?" That was it. I knew something wasn't right. And I had to tell someone. And to answer both your questions, "Yes I do."
I've always had this nightmare of me being in the room while my uncle is doing things to me, except I'm not laying on the bed. I'm standing up and I can see him doing stuff to me. I can't see my face but I know its me. I just stand there frozen and I don't do anything. When I's awake and thinking about this dream I always wonder why I don't try to stop him or do something to get him off of me, or him, or whatever. Why don't I yell for help in my dream or hit him with something? I just can't figure it out. I don't tell many people about that dream, but I have told you.
Yes, I wish I could go back to it, because I "miss"ed the opportunity to tell someone. If I could go back I would protect the "little me" and I swear I would beat him and punch him and kick him and do whatever I had to/ And I would definitely call the cops. But I can't.
Hey Fake John from Ohio? Just in case you're on this site too lookin for attention for ur sick game.... this is Real Joey from NJ saying Fuck You Asshole!
Hmmm... I feel better.