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#23058 - 05/22/03 08:56 PM Panic Attack
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
I had to take my daughters' car about 50 miles roundtrip for oil change & servicing. Everything was fine until about a third of the way back. It had been raining some. Well it started pouring. A semi truck came up close behind me before passing even tho there were two clear lanes. The mist it threw off cut visibility to near zero.

Already my back, neck & shoulders are aching and my left side especially is getting number. This is to a degree typical with my fibromyalgia but much worse since the recent accident I had. Not to mention all the driving & sitting in the waiting room I just did.

It was all downhill from there, and I don't mean the road!

It seemed as tho just like that nearly everybody on the road was driving as tho totally insane. Passing close, pulling out in front of you when you're close, no lights or turn signals (does anybody know what those things are?!).

On that short stretch of road I ran into 3 or 4 instances of people for one reason or another coming over on my side of the road. Why in hell's bathroom do people when their side of the road gets blocked or obstructed think the other side automatically instantly becomes theirs no matter who is in it or where?!

Already by this time I'm getting really uptight & considering pulling over but no good place to do it and I want to get home so bad but I'm trying to
go slower & people keep running up my rear bumper.

Then it happens.

On the opposite side of the road a truck pulling a boat & another car are pulled over, off the road but just barely. Then on my side is a cop lights flashing pulled over the same way. And people coming over into my lane like they bought & paid for the damned thing!

Flashbacks of my recent accident in a somewhat similar situation hit me...

I slow down & get thru the narrow gap I'm left without hitting the police car thank God!

So now I'm really shaken--and shaking. Sweating. The road starts to look like its moving. Reality seeoms to be changing. I feel myself starting to space out & force myself to focus, trying to drive slow enuf not to hydroplane but fast enuf not to get rear-ended.

Nowhere to safely pull over. I want to get home so bad.

Suddenly I start crying uncontrollably & can't stop. I feel like a lost little kid again. I want to go home I cry.

I cry to God to transport me home.

It doesn't happen.

But prayer is the only thing to keep me going thru this mess & getting me home in one piece.

We're not talking about anything near a big town or major interstate here people.

We're talking about people who couldn't drive from one end of their driveway to another in perfect weather if you gave them exact directions!

The rest of the way home people continue to prove to me and the rest of the world they don't think exists their exemplary driving skills in perfectly
lousy weather conditions!

I finally made it home & just kinda blanked out for awhile.

When my wife got home I threw myself into her arms
bawling.

Men I've had attacks of panic or anxiety before. Supposedly most people have one occasionally in some degree, especially those with PTSD and trauma
survivors. Sure as heck I've been scared before too. Not often actually, not like this.

When I'm too scared to be even a bit aggravated when I'm driving in such conditions among such people, I'm terrified.

That's exactly what I was. Terrified & panicked.

The damn road became like this narrow tunnel full
of fog and vehicles flying at me. I felt like I was trapped in some kinda bad video game gone crazy or something.

My wife said look some stuff up on the net. So I did and out of several sites with symptom lists I had most of them during that drive. Panic attack.

Already I was nervous about driving again, tho I had some since the accident. Now I'm afraid I might have another panic attack. I think they call that agoraphobia or something.

My wife's great. She said I'm a very strong person
and I've gotten thru a lot & I'll get thru this.

Oddly enuf I believe it. At least right now I do.
But I'm not on a wet road with a bunch of people with wet noodles for brains! I'm here at the computer sharing this with my friends & brother wolves here at MS. I'm glad to be able to do that.

I've gotten back on the road again after some really bad accidents, literally & metaphorically speaking.

I'll do it again...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#23059 - 05/22/03 09:23 PM Re: Panic Attack
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Dear big brother,

Take a deep beath... hold it... now relax. Again; deep beath... hold it... now relax.

It's over. Just keep reminding yourself (meaning PAST TENSE) that it's over.

Relax... you can let your guard down again bud!

I know SOOOoooo much exactly what you mean though. A few years ago I became mentally 'stuck' in a panic attack (basically it was a nervous breakdown). Driving was a nightmare. Mind you this lasted EVERY time that I went out in a car. If I was at an intersection and had to make a turn, in my mind, I would swing wide on the turn thinking that I was over compensating. In reality, it was a normal turn around a curb. I'd drive past an ex BFs dorm and literally have this wash of fear and anxiety but I wouldn't know what from!

It is insane... But Victor that kind of fear is not real. It seems very real but it isn't. Your mind just gets stuck.

--Break Time--

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He then continues to drive to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town when he sees an ice-cream shop. Being a penguin in Arizona, he decides that something cold would really hit the spot. So, he gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.

Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem.

The mechanic looks up and says, 'It looks like you blew a seal.'

'No, no,' the penguin replies, 'it's just ice cream.'


Relax, It's only magic! ;\) \:\) \:D


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#23060 - 05/22/03 10:01 PM Re: Panic Attack
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Victor:

We have a saying out in Western Canada. If you get thrown by a horse get right back on again or you will never ride again.

Think it might fit here.

Let me ask you a question. Have you every been thrown off healing badly; so bad that it scared you. Sure you have cause we all have. Did that prevent you from getting out of the ditch and back on our road to peace. No it did not.

You gotta believe that 95 % of the drivers dont know their left hand from their right. I live near Toronto Ontario and commute every day on our busiest highway. the 401 9,000 cars per lane per hour in rush hour and their are 16 lanes in the middle of the city. Takes me 45 minutes to go 18 miles. It sucks. But I say what the hell and relax. And I dont have to go to any amusement park. I get enough thrills on any given day to last a lifetime.

And I drive the smallest car in our family. A Hyundai Accent. Guess I have a death wish.

Anyway Victor your reaction is quite normal.

And you are as strong a man as I have ever had the priviledge to know.

Ime howling for you brother

AAAAAWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#23061 - 05/23/03 12:34 AM Re: Panic Attack
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Marc:

Thanks for making me laugh brother!

Where do people get these jokes from anyway?!

\:D

Mike:

Yeah I've been thrown from my horse (aka had auto accidents resulting in a total) 5 times now, tho 3 were in 2 years about 25 years ago.

So far I've always gotten back on the horse, rather easily actually. But this time is different in a lot of ways.

It's the 1st time since I recalled SA & started recovery. It's the 2nd time I've been charged, but
the 1st one was actually a ripoff (long story). This one was legit, legally anyway. It's also the 1st time I've been hurt this bad physically, also emotionally actually. So it's got me pretty shook
up I guess.

But I will keep getting back on the horse again. I drive about 40 miles roundtrip tomorrow to my physical therapy.

And I will too.

Thanks guys.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#23062 - 05/23/03 06:48 AM Re: Panic Attack
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
I was chewing off a finger nail reading Victor's post too, Blue. ha.

Victor,
I'm thinking retractable, under-carriage, radiator seeking guided missles (one set facing forward, the other backwards).
Don't have much else to offer, hang in there dude.
jer


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#23063 - 05/23/03 01:16 PM Re: Panic Attack
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Victor,

I held my breath the entire duration of me reading your post.
OK, so that's why you're a Blue Electron!

Well, at least I haven't lost my sense of humor...

...or have I?!

Quote:
I'm truly greatful that you are okay and am third-partily thankful that you have a supportive spouse.

Here's some warmth your way,
Scotty
Thank you very much Scotty. I'll carry that warmth
with me when I get "back on the horse" this afternoon to drive the 40 miles to my PT & back.

In the rain, apparently...

**************************************************

Quote:
I was chewing off a finger nail reading Victor's post too, Blue. ha.
Jer, don't give up your day job bro...

...at least not to write poetry!
It's a cinch I won't be either, of course!

Quote:
Victor,
I'm thinking retractable, under-carriage, radiator seeking guided missles (one set facing forward, the other backwards).
Don't have much else to offer, hang in there dude.
jer.
Thanks Jer I'll take it!

Now, how do I get these damned things installed!?





Jer thanks for making me laugh bro! I'll take those laughs with me this afternoon too!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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