Newest Members
DougieB, sethpeterson, R Ellis, SailingAway, Kitty6
12320 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Healer (53), Kilo (21), sdsjr (40), surfdude (57)
Who's Online
3 registered (3 invisible), 18 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12320 Members
74 Forums
63375 Topics
443150 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#230585 - 06/12/08 02:19 PM I don't understand
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
what I don't understand is how people like doctors and nurses and police and teachers and social services people can be so blind.i was taken to the hospital so many times when i was a kid and young teen and everytime i thought for sure they must know whats going on i mean how many times can a kid fall off his bike or fall down the stairs or fall onto the stovetop and mostly the damage that was done was stuff i dont think i could possibly do myself by accident but everytime he just made up another lie and laughed it off saying i was clumsy or how boys will be boys and wow did i have alot of enemies because he would tell them i got in another fight and they would just patched me up and send me back home with the guy who caused it all in the first place.


Top
#230590 - 06/12/08 02:51 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: Justintime]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6847
Loc: USA
This problem has been of concern to me.

In my own experience, although not as blatant as Justin's there had to be people whom I either told and they ignored it or who suspected something and failed to react.

A case in point: When I was so badly abused at the boy scout camp, I told the medical doctor who was running the clinic of the camp. Nothing was done.

When I was 4-years-old and abuse was just starting, I told my mother. Then I fought as well as a 4-yr-old might against going to the house where the abuse was going on.

When I was 10, I told my father about the abuse going on across the street. Insteat of getting counseling and consolation, he beat the c- - -p out of me.

When I was 4 and the guy was making kiddie porn movies with me in it, how many people in who knows where watched the movies and "enjoyed" it/them without any law enforcement becoming involved.

So I am forced to the conclusion that our society chooses to be blind and deaf to what is going on. This includes the press, the medical profession, parents, boy scouts, etc., etc.

And please don't tell me that the boy scouts have instituted protection devices. I have seen the statistics on present rates of abuse and they aren't pretty. I can substantiate this with news articles.

So, how can this MS list raise the awareness of our society to the grief and damage being done? This must be part of our mission.


Top
#230618 - 06/12/08 06:06 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: pufferfish]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Guys:

What you both talk about is part of an on-going bias against male victims. Over time that bias has been reduced but has not yet been eliminated. Boys are a rough and tumble bunch that are susceptible to lots of injuries growing up. There has been a growing awareness here and there of young male victim issues, but years ago that really wasn't the case. If we had been female with such allegations and/or a pattern of ongoing injuries most likely the outcome would have been different.

My own mother ignored my hints and chose to trust my abuser's religious-affiliated purity over my allegations. Her reaction was just bizarre. I got the crap beaten out of me for saying that AJ had molested and abused me just three weeks earlier. And just a couple of years later, when the school psychologist did have some suspicions, I clammed-up and wasn't able to share at that time with him. I reacted to his coaxing me with great fear. My reaction was a textbook case, but for some reason, he didn't pursue it.

Back when I first read Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS 18 years ago a couple of things really jumped out at me. There it was in print: It said to watch for young boys that make hints like not wanting to be with a person. Gee, I did that. I cried as my folks were headed out the door at the age of nine when I was about to be left with my abuser again. My mother didn't take my hint in the right way. The book said to watch for kids who clam-up in fear when they are asked. And there was a study about why parents didn't believe their son's allegations. It was just amazing to read what I did, because I had suffered for so long without being believed. It was like none of them cared.

In the Spring of 1974, I ran away from my abuser in Vermont. I was already 20 miles away with my thumb out when the VT State Patrol picked me up and hauled me back to the Post. I told them everything, and even talked to a victim specialist. They even called my parents and told them. Then they called my abuser and had him come down. I watched as two officers asked him some questions from too far away to hear what was said. He shrugged his shoulders and hemmed and hawed and said a few things. And then they let him take me back to his house, for another night of violent naked abuse. My folks showed-up the next day and got me out of there. But they never ever asked any questions or investigated anything further. It still stuns me when I think of the State Patrol's response to a young male victim's allegation in Chester, VT, in 1974. They heard my allegations and even took some steps, then they let me go with a guy who could have killed me for telling them. (He did in fact threaten to kill me, if I told anyone. Mr. Alexander, who lived on a farm behind the Gassetts, VT schoolhouse was my abuser, if anyone wants to know). It should have been 4 counts each of sexual and physical assault. Imagine a 16 years old girl telling them that, even at that time. My aunt lived right next door. Why didn't they send me to her house?

Back then summer camps were havens for abusers. Just think: Who all worked at summer camps back then? There were some dedicated people and then there were various shades of the less-dedicated there also. Filling camp employment rosters was probably pretty difficult. Years ago before credit and employment databases it was very easy to falsify credentials or hide from previous allegations. I was abused in 2 different camps (one a YMCA camp, the other a religious camp) between the age of 9 and 11, (1966 to 1968) plus saw abuse on a Cub Scout camping trip at the age of 12. I can't understand why your camp doctor would have ignored your accusation, except to say at that time there was a lot less understanding of the problem. Who knows: The doctor or camp administration might have tried to protect your abuser or he may not have been in a good position within the camp hierarchy to take appropriate action. Or your abuser may have been fired after you left, or possibly nothing was done. God, I don't know, my man, I really wish that I could help you more.

Anyhow, you guys are both here now. You are among people who will believe you and who even know what it feels like to not be believed. You guys are no longer alone. I fully understand your questioning and lack of trust issues. Many of us here have been there and we know how isolating it feels. Either of you guys want to talk just let me know. My door is always open.

I hope that both of you guys are doing OK.

Trucker Mark


_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#230624 - 06/12/08 06:32 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: Trucker51]
KENKEN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Loc: NOTHERN COLORADO
Guys,

These are questions that haunt me every day. And like you, we will never get answers to them. I think back to my early childhood when I was just a sex object for my brother. My repressed memories are now back in focus. I can see, I can feel, I can relate to my emotions, I can see myself crying myself to sleep, to praying that my bedroom door would not open when my brother came upstairs where my bedroom was. I remember so vividly to running downstairs, crying to my mother and sobbing that my brother did stuff to me. I was hurt and feeling so lonely. Why did no one, my parents or other siblings do or say anything?

No one believed me. So over time I stopped telling. I just took the sexual abuse. I hid my feelings, my scars, my guilt, my abuse was just apart of who I was and who I was going to be.

But, we are all working on recovery. All in a different stage of recovery, but we are determined to heal. And I truly hope and want to do my part in sharing my sexual abuse so I can help others not have to endure what I had to. I am so thankful for Male Survivor. And also for all the great guys here.

Ken

_________________________
I AM A GOOD PERSON, I AM A GOOD MAN

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher

***WOR ALUMNI SEQUOIA MARCH 2008***

Top
#230697 - 06/13/08 08:16 AM Re: I don't understand [Re: KENKEN]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
i like to think that if i was a doc or a cop or something and i saw something that looked suspicious id pursue it you know? when i think back it just seemed so obvious and out in the open what was going on, i mean i could reach out my window and into my next door neighbors window we were so close to each other, im sure they heard stuff, and it wasnt just me in that house with my foster parents there were three others, girls, who got it too just as bad, maybe worse, i dont know. anyway i dont like talking here to much, it makes me sick, its just something that i always questioned. thanks for the replies.


Top
#230730 - 06/13/08 11:35 AM Re: I don't understand [Re: Justintime]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
In a way I allow myself an "out" on this one by telling myself that back in the early 60s CSA wasn't on the radar at all, and that when even police, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists and social services specialists weren't aware of how deep the problem was, or even that it existed, how could I expect my parents to put together the warning signs? That argument makes sense to me - at least for those times.

But you guys are talking about a far more recent situation. And even then, I have to say that I do remember sitting at the dinner table, looking around at everyone, hearing all the inane conversation, and wondering "Why can't you see what's happening to me?"

Over and over again I wondered that. How could they not notice the missing underwear, the hiding places, the "bad words" creeping into my vocabulary, the erratic and out-of-character behavior, and so on? And because of my asthma I was being seen by a doctor sometimes as frequently as every week. There were no signs of anything wrong, not ever? I really don't have an answer.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#230736 - 06/13/08 12:32 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: roadrunner]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
you understand what im saying.
i remember kids in school laughing at me and whispering because my father, even though he wasnt really my father, was the drunk guy with a bad temper, they knew but made fun of me because of it so how could teachers ignore that, how could they let me sit there with bruises on me and get made fun of and not do anything. and my neighbors who seen him come out of the house with his belt and hit me and drag me inside kicking and screaming, how do they just ignore that?


Top
#230737 - 06/13/08 12:33 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: Justintime]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
I cant believe im talking about this


Top
#230741 - 06/13/08 01:38 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: Justintime]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
At a Boy Scout weekend camping trip I was supposed to be in the same tent with the older boy who had abused me before. A young assistant Scoutmaster rearranged the tent assignments and had the abuser sleeping in his tent with him. I just know something happened because of the way they both acted the next day. Nothing was said but I never saw that assistant Scoutmaster again, he just never came back and no one ever said anything about it. And the older boy who was abusing me continued to every chance that he could until he and his family moved away.

Telling my mom or dad ( who were both alcoholics) that I didn't want to go on a camping trip or to a weeklong camp or even to spend the night was met with total disregard. It just seemed to me that it was obvious what was going on but they just wanted me out of the way, telling me that the outdoors would be good for me. Yeah, right.

Our parents were supposed to protect us but for the most part were oblivious to what was going on. I was too ashamed to just outright tell them what he was doing to me and what he made me do to him. I was afraid that what he said was true, that they would hate me, know I was 'queer', and send me away. This happened when I was 11 to 13 years old in 1958-1960 and I'm sure that CSA was not even on the radar then as happening to boys.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

Top
#230817 - 06/13/08 09:31 PM Re: I don't understand [Re: roadrunner]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Guys:

There are places where there are lots of both public and private professionals that are quite aware of the CSA issue, and even go around trying to find symptoms. The Twin Cities, MN is one of those places. Here in Denver we also have long-time decent public awareness of the issue. And yet there are places, even recently, where there is little awareness of these issues and places where victims still face a lack of belief and even peer or public ridicule. I wish that everywhere was as aware as in-town Minneapolis/St.Paul. I think that such a level of public awareness would cut way down on the problem.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.