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#23043 - 10/15/03 10:58 AM INABILTY TO ORGASM DURING SEX WITH MY WIFE
YOGI Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 9
Loc: ALABAMA
I BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR ABOUT EIGHT YEARS. I WAS ABUSED BY A MALE FAMILY MEMBER STARTING AT AROUND 8YRS. OLD. I CAN GET AN ERECTION AND MAINTAIN ONE DURING RELATIONS WITH MY WIFE BUT SOMETIMES CAN ONLY "GET OFF" BY FANTISIZING ABOUT MY ABUSE OR GAY SEX. I LOVE MY WIFE AND HAVE MADE HER AWARE OF MY PAST. I GUESS MY QUESTION IS- IS THIS A COMMOM PROBLEM AND IS IT OK TO FANTISIZE, SHOULD I SEE ANOTHER THERAPIST. SOME MENTIONED TESTOSTERONE INJECTIONS. I FOOTNOTE THIS WITH THE FACT THAT I WAS RARELY ALLOWED TO ORGASM WITH MY PERPETRATOR AND MOST OF THE TIME WHEN I DID, HE HAD ME DO MYSELF MANUALLY.

_________________________
IN LIFE, ITS PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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#23044 - 10/15/03 11:08 AM Re: INABILTY TO ORGASM DURING SEX WITH MY WIFE
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Yogi... this was the subject of my first post here too. The guilt and self-disgust I carry about the fantasies, the need to use them in order to orgasm, is consuming me lately. And as much as I hate using them, I am terrified that I'll never come again if I give them up.

The advice I've been given here is good... don't beat yourself up. I hope it helps to know I am right where you are with this. I get really angry that my sexuality was forever altered by my abuser. That I may never have a "normal" sexual relationship with my g/f or, hell, even with myself. As if the abuse wasn't enough, the fact that we have to continue to deal with the aftermath feels like salt in the wound.

I'm sorry you need a place like this, but glad that you found us.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#23045 - 10/15/03 11:23 AM Re: INABILTY TO ORGASM DURING SEX WITH MY WIFE
chuck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic
Yogi

I have the same situation that you stated. I was sa by my father. I can have an erection and penetration but not orgasm. I spoke to my T and he suggested that it could be part of the meds I am on. Zoloft is used reduce premature ejactulation and for me it seems to reduce the control to ejaculate. Yes the fanatasies are not helpful and they make not want to orgasm, because of the pain and embrassment associated with this experience. It is like a flashback and I want to move away from any type of emotions like that.

Chuck


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#23046 - 10/15/03 12:00 PM Re: INABILTY TO ORGASM DURING SEX WITH MY WIFE
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
yogi,
many of us men here have had similar problems. i am currently struggling with the issue of fantasies in a different context than what you stated, but the essential point is similar. survive75 put it best when he said our sexuality was forever altered by the abuse. recovery is a long journey, but with the support of your wife, and others such as those on this forum, the real good thing is that you know you are not alone. that, in and of itself, is one of the most important healing issues in recovery. we are all with you on this.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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