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#229923 - 06/09/08 06:30 PM My sisters and brothers keeper
chrty Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 27
Loc: new york
Hi I dont speak often and when I do I speak only of my husband. Today I will speak of my siblings. OUR MOTHER sexually abused my sisters and though the boys dont speak about it. Long story short I dont think our mother stopped at the females.
My father is in his 70s. My sister got tired of my father telling her she and all my other siblings are horrible people. My father abused us by beating us. I am included in this one. But I was never sexually abused by my mother.
He yelled at my sister and told her she was going to hell. She would not be given a blessing from him. My father is extremly religious. Yes ladies and gentlemen I stood up for my sister and everyone else not here.
I know he knows what happened. He said he didn't know. He lied to himself and I. He was really trying to believe himself.
During the rukus in the house yeah it was loud. He was saying she was a DEMON. Can you imagine your child coming to you and they are in there 50's and you call them a DEMON because you just can't deal with this being out in the open.
My brother has been calling alot lately saying he is remembering things.
My mother is in total denial. I told her once she was not a vitim (my father use to beat her daily) she was a perpetraitor.
she looked at me like I was sick.
My mother told me once she had to do it because my father told her to check us (yes vaginally for the girls)
I told her I would burn my hand before I do that. she forgets.

I was never sexually abused. My sisters would fight my mom so that this would not happen. They would sleep near me to.
How can they live with all this pain?
It is difficult living with someone enduring that much pain for me.
I wonder how come I found a man that was also abused.
How can I leave him?

_________________________
if i had to do it all again i wouldn't

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#229968 - 06/09/08 10:59 PM Re: My sisters and brothers keeper [Re: chrty]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
You want to leave your husband? (maybe i'm on the wrong track here, if so ignore this post)

If i have interpreted correctly, you seem to say that this is because it is difficult for you to live with a reminder of the pain not only your husband suffered, but your siblings suffered, and also you suffered. It is understandable to become overwhelmed and want to distant yourself from things that hurt you, it is human not to stand too close to a fire if you are hot, so please don't feel guilty if that is what you are feeling, but hopefully there is room here to take some time, stand back, and see what is going on, and exactly what would be resolved, achieved, or put to rest by the actions you chose to take.

From what you describe, purely from this post, it is clear that there is a lot going on at the moment, it is not a matter of standing too close to a fire, it sounds like right now, things are just heating up.

I'm sure you are quite confused and uncertain on how to support your brother through this rough time, and it is no shame on you to feel overwhelmed. You sound like you have a close loving relationship with your siblings, and you speak of your gratefulness for your sisters protection when you were young. You have also talked about the situation with the arguement between your sister and father and you stood up for your sister.

There is a clear potential for good in the relationship you seem to have with your siblings, but i sense a continuing need for approval by your siblings from a man that claims to be religious and even now seems to be trying to hold onto some power by the things you said he said. It must be very painful for all of you for him, and your mother, to continue to deny the things that they did.

I see the immediate issue here to be one of gaining some resolution in this situation, for you and your siblings to get together and discuss your minds, because the truth is that your parents now at this age will probably never show any sorrow or admit their guilt if they have not already done so. This doesn't mean that there can be no sense of justice or closure, it is a matter of finding a piece of mind and communicating with your siblings in an open and truthful way. What happened is not acceptable and it is not your shame or your siblings shame. It is just my opinion that what is going on here is that there are unresolved issues, and an enormous amount of frustration in the injustice of this situation, especially when no admittance or explanation is ever offered, and that kind of thing can stop you in your tracks and make you want to bail in some attempt to escape the pain, but running away doesn't solve problems.

All i'm suggesting, is that before you make any rash decisions, first see yourself through this rough spot, because although i do not know anything about you, i know there must have been a good reason why you got married to this man, and he had a good reason to marry you, and you show guilt at the pain he endures in reaction to you, but believe that i'm sure he endures that pain gratefully.

Also, on the other side of the arguement, there is also no reason you should feel bound to your husband if there are other circumstances that compel you to leave, you do have a responsibility to yourself and a search for happyness. If you do find yourself very much in need of a break from your husband, perhaps that is something you could discuss with a marriage counsellor.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#230191 - 06/10/08 08:38 PM Re: My sisters and brothers keeper [Re: king tut]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
chrty,

What a horrible story. You are your siblings had to survivor alot. I hope you can be some support to one another since your parents are obviously not going to give you anything, certainly not peace.

When you say this:

Quote:
It is difficult living with someone enduring that much pain for me.


Are you speaking of your husband or your sister? I may be remembering wrong, but didn't you say she lived with you?

As for this:

Quote:
I wonder how come I found a man that was also abused.
How can I leave him?


It's not surprising that you and your husband would find each other; that seems to happen quite alot. I think I'm reading your last question a little differently than KT, but just to be sure, I'll ask. Do you really want to leave or are you asking it like, of course I won't leave, how could I?

I always seem to be asking you questions Chrty, but I want to make sure I understand, so please forgive me.

ROCK ON.........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#230194 - 06/10/08 08:47 PM Re: My sisters and brothers keeper [Re: Trish4850]
chrty Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/12/08
Posts: 27
Loc: new york
Yes Trish but excellent questions. I have 4 sisters 2 brothers and one of my sister does live with me. SHe was very devastated. She hasnt stop talking about it. My brother called me several minutes later I told him what happened. He said that basically what my sister said it happened to him too.
Of course I wont leave my husband. How could I? Its not so funny that my husband and I found each other. Reading some of the posts here It seems hand in hand.

_________________________
if i had to do it all again i wouldn't

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