Hey guys,

I was at a friends place over the weekend and I had a very lucid dream. The dream seemed short overall. From what I can remember I was sitting on a bed to another man who`s face I could not make out. We began by conversing and I proceeded by laying out terms for the oral sex we were about to have. I specifically told him no caressing, no fondling and no kisses just straight up oral sex and nothing more. I believe it began but I woke shortly thereafter. When I came to I realized I was clutching myself and I had an erection. I did not make anything of the dream, just trying to let it simmer rather analyze it to no end like I usually do. I process alot of thoughts and feelings in my dreams it seems especially lately. If anyone has any thoughts on this or feedback I would be appreciative, again I don`t want to overthink it just want to let things happen. The abuse consisted mostly of oral sex and I recently discussed this with my T , Friday actually. Don`t know if that has anything to do with it. Most of these thoughts involve some form od control and I am fixated on oral sex which drums up all kinds of familiar feelings. I was afraid of same sex atraction before but now I am just trying to listen to it rather than policing and whichever way this goes I will ride the flow. That`s all I can do. The best thing I have learnt is in order to resolve confusion I have to let confusion resolve itself.

Thanks guys.

I woke up this morning with an answer to your dream.

It is not complicated.

The pleasure parts of your brain are addicted to oral sex. It was also repugnant to you as a means to control you. You want to feel that feeling but you don't want the abuse. The "face" and the other parts involve relationship with a person which you don't want. You just want the "drug".

Sex is meant to be given in context of a loving relationship and to bond us to another person. Hence a face and a loving touch. Most of us here at MS have become addicted as children to a certain type of rush induced by an abusive touch. We want the rush without the face and the loving touch and of course we don't want the controlling touch. We have been short changed. Our pleasure centers demand that "drug" without the encumberance of relationship.