Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cainrafael (28), GL (67), JohnP725 (66), Lloydy (61), Marie-TwoOfUs (35)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 26 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63185 Topics
441811 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#229301 - 06/06/08 03:57 PM I feellke I;m drowning
bejer Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 6
Loc: TX
I first discovered this site about 7 months ago. Which was about 2 months after I first admitted to myself that I had been abused. I became a very hard man because of the events of my childhood. hard and distant, at least when it came to my own feelings. I was a great husband because I would do what ever she wanted because I had mo idea what I wanted.

Through the events of the last couple of years I find that I can no longer keep me emotions away. I find them bursting out of me in ways that I don't want them to. Yelling at me kids, being impatient with my wife, everything I didn't want to be. It seams like I should be through all of this already but I just can't seam to let the abuse go. I've told a couple of people but that doesn't seam to help either.

I really feel like I am drowning in my emotions and I just do not know how to deal with them. this is my first time posting and even here I feel lost. . .


Top
#229305 - 06/06/08 04:21 PM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: bejer]
Craig64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/08
Posts: 7
You are not alone! These feelings are all 'normal' in our situation. Finding a good therapist is crucial to working through some of this. Finding good support from those who understand is also really important. Don't share it with those who have not walked through it right now -- they won't understand. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk further.


Top
#229315 - 06/06/08 05:54 PM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: bejer]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hey bejer, i see this is your first post as well. you finally took the plunge! congratulations! big step! well now that you are here you will find that a bunch of us guys experience the same effects, and you are really not alone, neither do you have endure your burden all by yourself. i know myself, that because i suppressed my emotions for so many years, that my anger seeped out in very insidious ways. kept inside, it was like a cancer eating my guts, making me be someone who scared the hell out of me; vented it seemed to have no limit. i definitely was full of fear and disdain for myself.
yea, that drowning feeling you mentioned....well, luckily you threw out an sos in coming here, and so hopefully you'll continue to share and come to realize over time that you are being pulled out wake and plunked into the boat with the rest of us survivors.
not a bad solution....hey who knows you may even learn how to walk on water!

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#229425 - 06/07/08 02:56 AM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: Sans Logos]
bejer Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 6
Loc: TX
Thank you both for your kind words but they seam to be falling on deaf ears tonight. I thought I had delt with all of this but it feels as fresh tonight as when it happened. I feel just as alone and I want to push everyone away just like then. my heart aches and I don't know where to go next. this all seams very dark. I'm not suposed to feel like this but I do, and i don't know how to change it.


Top
#229452 - 06/07/08 07:56 AM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: bejer]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yea that sounds about par for the course. for some it gets worse, but i pray that won't happen for you. i think that since you are here sharing your plight shows that you are willing to do whatever it takes to hang on to the best of all you are.

i hope my asking this does not scare you, but do you have faith in any kind of power beyond yourself? i'm not talking about in a religious sense either. i know for myself, my faith in god really helped me weather my own storms. i could not have survived without his powerful yet gentle touch. at the times i felt/feel most alone, there he was/is reminding me that feelings are fiction, not fact. maybe you could find immediate relief from the strong emotions that are bubbling out from within by doing some strenuous physical labor or activity. i find that always helps me to release the pent up aggression.

peace bro, ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#229649 - 06/08/08 04:40 AM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: Sans Logos]
bejer Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/24/07
Posts: 6
Loc: TX
Ron,

Your question does not scare me. If it was not for my realtionship with God I don't think I would be here right now. Yet lately it seams that even His voice is not enough to still the questions of my heart.

I was abused by a cousin. this same cousin tried to contact me about 3 wks ago. first time I heard form him in about 8 years. I don't know what he wants but it has really put me in a tailspin. Every time I think of talking to him, or any man right now, and I start to go into panic attacks. I know it shouldn't be this way but i feel stuck.

When i posted last I was pretty desperate. Guess I had to be, I'd been watching this site for almost a year w/o doing any thing about it. I guess I think that I can ignore this and make it go away again. but I know it won't. now i feel numb, cold and still lost. I think i need to find someone to talk to but I am still to ashamed.

Bejer


Top
#229675 - 06/08/08 08:39 AM Re: I feellke I;m drowning [Re: bejer]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bejer,

Starting out is always a rough step, so don't tear yourself up for finding it daunting. The fear and shame are terrible and powerful opponents. But please hang with us and keep trying. You will find your own pace and time here, and we are all here to support and encourage you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.