okay. so it's high time i post this. i have been on here for over a year and have barely said anything about my abuse. MY STORY:
well, when i first came to this site, i thought my abuse started at 14. i was wrong. as i began my healing process continued, i realized that it happened more than once. when i was 10, my 2 best friends(14 and 16) decided to have a sleepover. so i went. sometime during the night, i was woke up by my arms being held down and my clothes being ripped off of me. they then proceeded to take turns repeatedly raping me through out the night. they decided that we should have sleepovers every friday night and they told me that if i didn't come, there would be consequences to pay. this happened for a month worth of fridays at least. i don't know how i managed to reserve this happening without remembering, but i did. i had such a hard time growing up. my father would always make fun of me, he never really showed me any love. but a the same time, he never abused me either. i was in 4-h, and met some friends there as well. one was a 27 year old young man, i was 14. he was the father i never had. at one point, we decided that i should come spend the summer together and he would show me more about the animals and everything and teach me some of the things that my dad never did. so i talked my parents into allowing me to go. that summer started out to be the best summer ever, and ended as the worst. we were doing great. i learned a lot!!! one day, his air conditioner broke. so we, being the only guys there, stripped naked as it was very hot. well, one of our evening rituals was, he was teaching me to wrestle. as we were wrestling naked, he began to pin me down and began touching and caressing me all over. being 13 years younger there was nothing i could do. he then proceeded to rape me. it hurt worst than the first time with the two others. when i saw his penis, it was at least 10 inches long, and i guessed it right on the button, as he had me measure him. that was not pleasant at all. but i was stuck, not only because i was staying at his house, but because i didn't want to lose the love that he had been showing me. this went on for a good portion of the summer. one day i had gone home to spend some time with my parents and when they dropped me off, he had my stuff packed and his too. he took me home and moved out of the state. no warning, no address, nothing.i was confused. i wasn't gay, but why was i hurt? i was a miserable mes up until recently. i had attempted suicide unsuccessfully a few times, i tried to run away, but had no where to go. i couldn't tell anyone because my family and i had and have been devout christians my whole life. i wasn't sure how they'd react. i just recently told them finally after telling, 6 of my friends, my brother, my girlfriend, my pastor, and my fellow staff member. i originally intended for this post to be more detailed, but that changed partly through it. it became a lot to think about. but that's the general idea. if you have any questions or comments, i am open to them.

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My Story