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#22929 - 02/12/04 04:19 PM just starting to deal with what happened
scott_camber Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/12/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Australia
Hey guys my name is scott and i am an 18 yo guy from Australia. I found this site on the web and decided to join. I was SA by a man last year and basically went into shutdown mode.i didnt tell anyone until i just couldnt hold it inside me anymore and told my best mate.He's told me he can't deal with it right now but is still my mate.Anyway I've only just started looking for someone to help me deal with it.It's very hard to talk about it.My family don't have any idea but they know something is wrong with me. I've been very angry and destructive trying to hide it and deal with it all myself.The main thing I'm angry about is that i couldnt stop him.I'm sure lots of guys know what I'm talking about.I would like to hear how other guys are are dealing with their SA.Cheers from Oz.scott C.


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#22930 - 02/12/04 04:40 PM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Hey a new Aussie Brother. Scott Camber. I am truly sorry for what has brought you here but am glad that you found us.

Scott your trust was betrayed or he raped you. Either way it was not your fault ok. To be so young and dealing with it is truly remarkable. You recognize that it has totally screwed you up. It is the single worst thing that has happened to you and your perp has done what they all do lay the blame and shame on you. Well it is not your shame it is his. Better you deal with it now than haunt you for 40 years like it did me.

You have broken the silence by telling your best mate and us here. Guess what. It is not at dirty little secret anymore. And it was never yours.

I can suggest maybe that you tell your parents if you are up to it. You certainly seem to have a huge grasp of the issues. That all depends on how you feel about your relationship with them. But they do know that something is wrong.

Hey it is normal to enter into destructive behaviour and anger. The shitty thing is we tend to direct it inwards or against those that care about us the most. And we are silent because we say god why didnt I stop him. That my aussie brother is a crock of shit. You were betrayed.

Because you want to deal with it so openly and honestly I would recommend that you see if you can find a therapist to help guide you.

On the front page of our web site you will find a great deal of resources that can be of assistance to you. Just click on those little headings and a lot of sub headings will open up

You will not find any condemnation or rejection here just concern, trust and a lot of shoulders to lean on.

So stay with us. Post, read and offer your support when needed to others.

It is really refreshing to see someone so young and so recently assaulted who is searching for ways to deal with it and move on.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#22931 - 02/12/04 11:29 PM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Welcome Scott,

You have found a wonderful site that I wish nobody needed to find. But since that is not the case, I am glad you have come here to help with your healing. The healing is up to you, but we are here to help you and provide you support.

It is hard to hide the effects of the SA. If you try, they will just surface with a rengence later, such was my case. I am glad that you are addressing it now; rather than waiting for the many years like I and others have, or ignoring it completely for a lifetime, letting it eat them apart inside.

As far as how do we deal with it - one day at a time. Talking about it. Learning to understand that you are not alone, there are people out there that understand what you are going through.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#22932 - 02/13/04 12:31 AM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
scarman Offline
Member

Registered: 01/09/04
Posts: 74
Loc: London On Canada
Hey Scott, you deserve to be very proud of yourself for dealing with this now. Like many others here, I tried to hide what happened for 16yrs. Like you, I was lucky enough to find this site. It has been a huge help for me. The guys here are truly amazing. We all have our ups and downs, but there is always someone ready to listen and offer their point of view. Your mate will come around, just don't try and push it. Some people need more time to deal with shit like this,(esp if it isn't them). I just told my parents this past Sept. I was terrified. But, ya know what? I'm really glad I did.

Read and post, you'll see how caring everyone is.

peace brother

Shawn

_________________________
scarman stands for the tatoos I have, and also the emotional scars I've accumulated from my past.

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#22933 - 02/13/04 06:49 AM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
welcome. i am sorry you need this place. i aplaud you for acting to deal with this so young. i waited far too long. i guess we all carry our pain in different ways, and differetn things seem to work for different people. i hope as you read and share here that you gain as much strength as it has given me. in the beginning, i too could barely speak of it. then i began sharing here, and it made it easier to take the next step, seeing a therapist. it made it easier talking to him, because i had talked here. it's a long journey, and i hope you find the help and support you need to rise above what this man did to you.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#22934 - 02/13/04 11:53 AM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Scott,

You never deserved to need such a place as this, but you'll never find a finer bunch of people who can understand what sexual abuse does to us.

You ask about how other guys are dealing with it. A lot of us are dealing with it in therapy. I am. Do you have a therapist or counselor who can help you? There are so damn many conflicting, confusing feelings and beliefs to work through. I could not do it without therapy myself.

Coming here and sharing ESH (experience, strength, and hope) helps, too. It has been a great help to me, literally a life saver in the past.

One thing to remember is that it was not your fault, so you deserve good things in your life. Try to do something good for yourself each day. It's the kind of habit that can be helpful.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#22935 - 02/13/04 11:59 AM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
There are good reasons why a lot of guys who were abused only start remembering stuff about it in their 30s-40s-50s.

But it is good to see what may be a trend towards younger guys dealing with it sooner.

I'm glad you're here. Though the guys here have a lot of different experiences--different on the surface--what I feel I have in common with guys here is that something awful or some awful things were done to us that were entirely not our fault.

Its hard sometimes. You can tell from my past posts that I am up and down a lot but the support I get here and the opportunity to offer something that might help someone else has had an extraordinary effect.

Before coming here, I felt utterly isolated. I didn't know any other guys who had experienced SA. And my friends didn't get what I was dealing with. The guys here get it and say so over and over again.

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#22936 - 02/13/04 04:24 PM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Scout I meet a guy from Australia. this summer in Mpls at the Male survivors conference. He knows about the system down there and could help point you to help. He is a male survivor but works in recovery
and knows of good therapists to help guide you..
i will Pm you more info. Sorry that you need to come here but this is a great place to begin your healing. lots of help here. Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#22937 - 02/13/04 05:13 PM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Brother Scott,

I, too, am sorry that you need a site like this, but I'm glad you're here and I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say, because I think you'll have a lot to contribute.

The brothers above, and brothers and sisters you haven't even met yet, are some of the best people around. They save lives and they can help you through the rough passes. Remember, it was never your fault. NEVER. You'll hear that a lot, but I know sometimes we need to, thanks to all the garbage that our abusers gave us to deal with.

If there's one thing I can tell you, it's this: don't stop working at healing. It's worth it, even when the struggle gets hard. And it may sometimes.

From Australia, eh? Well, we get a lot of our actors from your side of the world (a favorite of mine is Hugh Jackman. That guy can play American/Canadian better than most U.S. actors!), so I'm glad to see people coming from there when they need it.

I always say this to people I "meet" here for the first time, because many of us were made to think that what happened to us was "love" or we had to earn the affection we got, but I mean it sincerely. I love you, brother, no strings.

Peace and love,

Scot \:D

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#22938 - 02/14/04 11:39 PM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Scott C...

The best thing is that you have found this site at a young age... you can start to deal with it rather than bury it like most of us did here.

Your mate sounds OK ...I told friends recently (34 years on ...sorry everyone that has read this previously, but Scott is new here) and they all have different reactions (all supportive) in that some can talk about it / others can't. None have judged!

Talk to those that you think you can trust....gut feeling is usually pretty good. Give yourself time...you'll eventually know what you want to say to whom!

Best wishes ..Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#22939 - 02/15/04 02:32 AM Re: just starting to deal with what happened
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
Scott...

I'm sorry what bought you here...don't kick yourself-you were not to blame.

You might want to contact the Australian Rape Crisis Centers.
http://www.med.monash.edu.au/secasa/contacts.html

Another good Texas site is http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/maleassault/menassault.html

I hope this helps & good luck.

Best....Mike

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

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