I have come to a point where I am completely exausted from all this. I want to be done with recocery. I am tired of thinking about sex, sexuality, intimacy, masturbation and everything tied to sex. I just want to live outside of it but I can`t escape these thoughts. It`s always the same bullshit, using the same coping skills that no longer serve their purpose.
What the hell I am supposed to do then, not watch porn to see if I am aroused by men or women, not masturbate chronically when I am stressed, I have relied on sex to feel better for as long as I can remember and now it only makes things worse.
This is all I know and when so much of who I am is in doubt what do I turn to. Running away and repressing was so much easier.
I am the warrior.