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#22896 - 09/22/04 10:21 PM Why I don't get along with my stepfather?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
I really don't get along with my stepfather. We don't fight and when other people are around we're "friendly" but when its either just He and I or my mom, him and I, he seems to be avoiding me and I am avoiding him. I don't come downstairs if I know or suspect he is going to be there. I don't really look at him, I do things to avoid him walk out of my way, etc.

He is a little opinionated, can be moody and loud at times. I guess my little child is afraid of him. I don't know. Anybody care to guess further?

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#22897 - 09/23/04 01:08 AM Re: Why I don't get along with my stepfather?
honest_lion Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/19/04
Posts: 16
Loc: Dallas, Tx
Even today, after forty some years of silence, I still don't trust anyone who CAN see himself in an authority role toward me. I avoid them all. It has taken couple of people an enormous amount of effort and unconditional blind acceptance for me to be somewhat close to myself. Just two people, that's it.
Hope this helps you somewhat find the answer to your puzzle.


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#22898 - 09/25/04 08:25 AM Re: Why I don't get along with my stepfather?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Even people who have not been abused, they don't get along with everyone. Perhaps it is just personality conflict. I do not care much for the very opinionated people (although sometime I like to antagonize them by voicing the opposite opinion and having them argue themself to me! ;\) )
Perhaps that is just it, that even if he were not someone who is your stepfather, just someone you work with or something, you would just not like him.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#22899 - 09/25/04 02:38 PM Re: Why I don't get along with my stepfather?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Jason,

This summer I had a good talk with my step-father for the first time in over 23 years. A heart to heart talk with the purpose of 'how to let my mom know' because at that time my abuse was going to go public and I didn't want her to find out second hand or through the newspaper. The day before the scheduled talk, I found out it wasn't going to go public, but I decided to have the talk anyways. It was needed to let him know why I was such a difficult child and so distant to him.

This man that is my step-father is short in physical stature, but a giant man in heart. One of the greatest influences in my life and I had never shown it to him nor let him know how much I appreciated him and how I missed the opportunity to let one of the greatest men there is into my life.

Two days prior I had the same talk with my Big Brother from Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. A great organization. Another great man who I only then realized is pretty short himself, who would have thought. I think it is him that summed the answer to this question up the best. "That explains why you wouldn't sleep". I'd go skiing with him until 10 or 11 in the evening and then wake up at 1 in the morning to go to work before school. I had to be tired, but was afraid to sleep. I was tired but was it safe to sleep? With him yes it was, but then you couldn't have convienced me of that.

There is that fear hiding in the corner of our heads, that part of us that is seeking out the dangers around us - both real and concieved. That makes it hard to open up and be close to others that have the slightest ability to hurt us.

That's my take and my story for whatever it's worth.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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