i don't "feel called" to recover at all
...
so maybe i'm supposed to stay here forever.

whoopie.

hey Mark

I tried posting yesterday but I lost the 20 minutes of typing. So this is my opinion. i also believe we serve a Great God that can instantanuously heal people or take away their addictions or whatever. But I believe that is not the case with us.

I know that I can help someone going through the emotions we are. I know I can give them advise and walk a road with them in being healed (yes I beleive with all my heart We can be healed). But what if I were healed instantanuously? I would not be able to help people going through the same hell. How do you explain a colour to a blind person? So how do I tell you what to do if I did not walk the road?

Take heart my brother, it gets better. My best decision was to give al back to God. To live a life where He is the master again.
Is t easy? No.
Do I still struggle? Yes.
Do I still sometime blame God? Yes.
Do I believe He can instantanuously heal me? Yes.
Do I want Him too? No.

I am forgiven by God. I am not under the law anymore. I am living in His grace. If I stumble and fall I get up again because there is no condemnation anymore. I am weak but in Him I am strong. This might not be the answer everyone is looking for, but yes I too believe we should move on. We must let go of the past and the hurts because He came that we can have life and life abundantly. He paid the price, we need to take the freedom. Yes the issues will be there. You might feel far from God. Nothing happens by accident. You are not in the postiion you are in at church because of an accident. You are where God wants you to be!!! I have listened to some of your music. It carries an annointing. Please dont let the enemy keep you so busy focussing on all the other things that you take Your eyes off the One who already did it all!!! He came to set the captives free!!!

be blessed and remember this is my experience talking and not some book.

MarkK

ouch! is my initial reaction to your post. i've worked in music ministry full-time for 23 years, and some of the most dysfunctional people i know are 'spiritual leaders'. truth is, mostly they are mere humans, stewards of the creators purpose, they poop, have a tendency to smell funny, wake up in the moring with sheet face, no more or less importance than you and i, the president, or the waste management engineer. religion, in my NSHO is the elephant in the cosmic room and as such has a tendency to overinflate the importance of its purpose as an institution; many of the folks i mentioned earlier have huge egos. then again, so do a lot of non religious people too.

at any rate, blah blah blah.......

i remain unimpressed with the rantings of religious zealots who have cultivated a penchant for trivializing an incredibly complex process by watering it down to matter of 'getting over it'. pompous asses!

here's my experience: god does not 'take things away' from people. he engages them in an exchange: he holds out his hand, and allows things to be given. sometimes the things are given instantly, but for me, the exchange involved a loooong process of many years. it involved a lot of work on my part. there were stages to the surrendering process. sorta like: on your mark, get ready, get set and .............um,...........get ready, get set,......um, on your mark.......GO! no, wait a minute......on your mark......etc

sounds like you're somewhere right in the thick of it!

i think what glares at me most in reading this post, and correct me if i am misconstruing what i read between the lines, but, you seem to have an attitude that 'some day, when i am worthy, i'll deserve to work at that special job'. as if to say ' well, since i'm broken, i'm not good enough to be of service using the unique talent i was given to serve the world'. i mean, is that really our call to make? do we really see ourselves as so unworthy that we can't allow ourselves to honor the gifts we were given to share with the world? at what point do we become worthy enough?
hey wait a minute! why not NOW!

more of my experience: pain is a given; we are here for the crucible, so one of my most important tasks in life, with god's help, has been to change my attitude towards the pain. the notion of pain lives in the shadow part of me that drives my life and makes most of the decisions that impact my life, form and shape my life, and so that's where i am learning to spend most of my reflective time.

+ be mad [we have a right to be]
+ be numb [all you can do is accept this as where you are right now, and accept that this too shall pass]
+ be scared [but don't forget you are not alone]

keep the faith brother,

ron

I ordered a book from Amazon titled: Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advangages of a Painful Childhood, by Wayne Muller.

It just arrived yesterday and I haven't had a chance to read it yet. Maybe it will give us a lot of ideas as to what God is up to in our lives. Maybe we aren't really in a vacuum as we feel sometimes. Maybe there are or can be real advantages to having had the pain we have experienced.

Reconsider Alaska and the position. E-mail them back and tell them your reconsidering.

Most "Westernized Pastors/Christians" have no existential idea of what it means to suffer with/for Christ! God have mercy upon these doltish characters, because I do not!

Amen and see you on the other side.

Coach