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#228618 - 06/02/08 09:48 PM .
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:45 PM)

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#228647 - 06/03/08 12:11 AM Re: Educate yourself [Re: bardo213]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I agree with you lynch. When I came here I pretty much was clueless but I bought book. Read much of the posts and some of Ken Singers stuff and really got into it. I went to groups and found a really good dissertation by another guy. I have learned a great deal and am much better for it. I think it speeded up my recovery hugely.


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#228650 - 06/03/08 12:40 AM Re: Educate yourself [Re: bardo213]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Lynchmob;

Much of what you are saying does have (some) truth in it.
However; I think it's important to realize that no two people are built the same inside. Seemingly some victims may find it easier to incorporate certain strengths within themselves. Does that make them better than the rest of us ? No ! Some of us though perhaps a stone throw from finding these strengths are paralyzed by unimaginable pain that (can never) be fathomed by even the most intellectual of minds no matter how much wisdom they claim to have. No person in my mind ("particularly those who have NEVER gone through the horror and torture of rape") can just analytically sit back in a detracting manner by stating that any person who has gone through rape is no big deal. Sure everybody gets hurt in life. How can someone epitomize rape as some pocket-sized problem in this world. No pain no gain ? What does any person gain from having their heart and soul flushed down the sewer when being afflicted of rape ? I've been searching for my lost soul for thirty years. The stark cold reality about rape and coming to terms with your own painful past is accepting that it happened to you. Pretty cut and dry in a nutshell. I wonder how many us in our self-assured certainties would be able handle being raped again should such happenstance ever befall our courage. Sorry; I can't even handle my affliction now. My strength is depleted.



Edited by jcf1957 (06/03/08 12:44 AM)
_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#228651 - 06/03/08 12:45 AM Re: Educate yourself [Re: Freedom49]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I agree with you too Lynch. Sometimes I wonder if we over-analyze things on here sometimes instead of educate. God knows I do. I hope I don't just sit and stew instead of heal.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#228772 - 06/03/08 05:16 PM . [Re: AndyJB2005]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:45 PM)

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#228804 - 06/03/08 08:38 PM Re: Educate yourself [Re: bardo213]
jcf1957 Offline
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Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
I won't cut into some long winded speech. Nor am I here to judge someone who doesn't know how to combat their inner pain from their horrid past. However; if you should care to educate your frustration read the following below. Perhaps it will shed some light on why some people are literally paralyzed in their suffering stigma.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post213789

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#228988 - 06/04/08 04:22 PM Re: Educate yourself [Re: jcf1957]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I have been thinking about this post ever since I first read it, and to be abundantly clear ---- it pisses me off! I wasn't going to even waste my time responding, but I've been walking around fuming about it for the last couple of days..... so here goes!

1. There are a lot of people who have been raped, abused, killed in front of their children, killed with their children, and so on. The reason you know all of this has happened is because you've heard about it, or read about it, or have seen it on the news. If all these people who witnessed or lived through such an ordeal and stayed silent, you would think the world was a safe and perfectly happy place. But because people like me have chosen to speak up and about what happened to them, you believe we should just forget about it and move on? I wish it were that easy, lynchmob.

2. I am not a very courageous person. Just ask the kids in the neighborhood who'd like to rip my head off for being a homo. (I don't care though.) My point is this; you cannot expect of me to go running into a burning building when everyone is running out. Chances are I would never shoot my gun at another person with a gun, I'd probably just run away. I've always had the mindset that if I hit someone, even if he/she was hitting me, that would just cause them to get even more angry and hit harder. I have no problem with running away. But the thing is, I've always been running away, and I've always kept to myself about certain things. I'm not this brave guy who can stand up and proclaim that the world or a person has done great harm to me and move on. I'm just not made up like that. The harm that has been done to me has affected me, more than it seems it has affected you.

3. I'm really happy for you. If the truth is, as you say "so what," and that's how you honestly feel about what was done to you in the past, then more power to you. I wish someday I can get to that point. But I can't and I won't judge anyone who just can't seem to figure things out for themselves and get on the right track.

4. "Oh poor me. I'm the only one who has been through what I've been through." It's true! I really believe that. Nobody has experienced abuse the exact same way I have. They don't feel the affects from it exactly as I do. They cannot completely understand what it's like in my mind and how it feels everyday. But the same goes for me with what happened to other people. I don't have any room to judge anyone else with how they should feel, what they should think, and who they are. I have enough problems. Believe me!

5. Pedophiles teach valuable lessons to. They teach a kid, like me, that our feelings don't matter and what we think about the things they are doing to us is ok, because we don't count except for providing pleasure to a sick and twisted individual.

6. Part of me believes, even if I don't say much and I don't want to talk a lot about what happened to me, that even when I do, I'm not only helping myself, but I'm educating others. I feel like my shrink, for instance, even though she probably knows everything about abuse short of being a victim, I can educate her about what happened to me and she can then become more informed when dealing with another kid who went through similar experiences.

7. When I do stay silent and go into my own little dark world mentally, I usually do it because I'm afraid of what non-victims might think of me. I'm afraid how they'll percieve me and if they will point the blame at me. What hurts more is when someone who should be supporting me, because they experienced similar abuse, is no longer listening and instead, pointing the finger in my direction and discounting how and what I feel. It doesn't seem fair.

Well.... there it is. I had to say my peace. Lynchmob? I'm thinking that maybe you wrote this in anger, and maybe not, but whatever your emotion was at the time, I respect your opinions and I will never pass judgment on you.

Peace out!
Joey



Edited by JasonSmalls (06/04/08 04:25 PM)

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#228989 - 06/04/08 04:38 PM Re: Educate yourself [Re: bardo213]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
OUCH, lynch,
Maybe there is truth to what you say but that sounds a little harsh considering some of the hurt and confusion going on here on this site. There are people who are really doing the best they know how and are just stuck for a while. Give em a break. Considering what some have been trough it is lucky they are alive and have found us. Here on the web site commiserating and educating is pretty much all we can do. For some that is enough, for others professional help is desperately needed and may not even be available.

Ouch


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#229013 - 06/04/08 07:38 PM . [Re: Freedom49]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:45 PM)

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#229014 - 06/04/08 07:38 PM Re: Educate yourself [Re: Freedom49]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Considering everything being expressed from ("all valued sides") in this post, it seems like one vicious circle of frustration and triggers from our past. Jason; I understand your frustrations and pain because I also share them. And I think no less about the concerning views Lynchmob has made of being tired of hearing the same old gripes over and over again. We are all at ("different stages") on the road of recovery on this site. This is not a place to begrudge anyone on this site who has a more difficult time dealing with our respective personal stigma. We all need to be supportive of one another. I admit that I myself am guilty on occasion of submitting a view in someone else's post when I should have been more prudent of keeping my yak shut.
Damn; where all in the same boat guys. We really do need each other.

_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#229336 - 06/06/08 07:17 PM . [Re: jcf1957]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:46 PM)

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