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#228493 - 06/02/08 11:11 AM new here
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
Hello i'm justin, new here, spent some time looking around before i registered, seems like an ok place, a lot of things i read really disturb me, hit home, but make me feel good to be able to talk somewhere if i wanted to. don't know if im doing this right, maybe somewhere for new intro's that i couldnt find i dont know. i never talked about any of this to anybody before, keep it all a secret but maybe it would be ok to talk some.
its hard to hit the submit button, i dont want to know anyone and i dont want anyone to know me, isnt that stupid? no, really i do want to know people with the same thoughts and feelings as me, maybe to help make some sense out of things, just dont trust anyone to let them know me. so now that i made no sense at all and sounded stupid, ill hit submit.
nice to meet yous


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#228495 - 06/02/08 11:19 AM Re: new here [Re: Justintime]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
This is a fine place for intro's!

Welcome to the site. I hope you can find everything you'll need here in order to direct your healing and recovery.

Yes, I agree, there are a lot of disturbing things here, but like you said, many hit close to home. We're all part of a club we didn't ask to join :-(

Most here kept the secret as well. It was only a few years back that I told my wife anything, and even then that was limited. Silence is powerful. It's hard to break. You've taken the first step. It is ok to talk. Especially here. Many here will know and understand, and be able to give you support.

Yes... that Ominous Submit button.... It's gotten me more than a few times. Each time you hit it though, it gets a little easier.

You don't sound stupid to me. You sound like most of the fellows I've gotten to know here. We all have huge trust issues and want to keep everyone as far away as possible in order to protect ourselves.

Nice to meet you too. Hang in there, keep talking. It can and does get better in time.


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#228498 - 06/02/08 11:31 AM Re: new here [Re: JustScott]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
thanks. so when you told your wife how did she take it? how did she react? did she have alot of questions because what you told her was limited? i thought maybe one time i would tell someone but then i thought about the barrage of questions that would immediatly follow that i wouldnt be able to answer so i changed my mind. thanks for saying i dont sound stupid.


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#228501 - 06/02/08 12:01 PM Re: new here [Re: Justintime]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Justin,

I want to welcome you to MS, I'm sorry you need this place, but I am glad you found us.

As Scott has said, this is a great place to talk and share. The nice thing is that no one really knows you. I "lurked" for several months before I signed up, and it took that long for me to take a step to trusting this place. Take your time, no one is trying to pressure you into talking. Pull up a chair and read or talk all you want.

I also agree that some of the posts are very hard to read, just remember to protect yourself. If the post has a "Trigger Warning", it means that the writer is shareing things that may be upsetting to others. Be careful about reading those posts, they can really bring back some tough memories.

Questions can be real hard to deal with, but remember, you do have the right to say... "I'm not ready to share that, right now." Just because you disclose to someone, doesn't mean you have to tell all. As you build trust, it will get easier to talk about it. That will take time, and we are willing to wait.

Welcome again, and hope to see you around a lot.

Your new friend,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#228505 - 06/02/08 12:49 PM Re: new here [Re: Scoutvictim]
Justintime Offline


Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 50
thanks for telling me about the trigger warning thing, i try real hard to avoid having memories even though i dont think i ever forgot anything i never dealt with anything either. theres alot of people here, that makes me sad, i know it happens alot but to see so many people talking about it makes it real if that makes any sense. i never ever felt like i had any right to make any decisions about what happens to me so when you said i have the right to say im not ready to share that right now my first instinct is to think wow this person is being nice and giving me a choice so what do you want from me? but i know what you mean. i just dont think i have the kind of friends who would understand
any of this then again i didnt ever think id find a place like this either.


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#228506 - 06/02/08 12:58 PM Re: new here [Re: Justintime]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Justintime

Welcome,

Share when and if you want. There is also a chat room. It is not just to talk about bad stuff. It also there to talk about the weather or whatever.

Hope to see you around

Gregg


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#228526 - 06/02/08 03:51 PM Re: new here [Re: Justintime]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Justin,

I felt the same way... to quote your own words...

"i just dont think i have the kind of friends who would understand
any of this then again i didnt ever think id find a place like this either.
"

BUT...

You have found us, and you have found about 5600 new friends who will understand. I really hope you do stay around and meet some of us, we all know what it's like being new here.

Good luck on this new journey.

One of your 5600 new friends,
Carl

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#228531 - 06/02/08 04:12 PM Re: new here [Re: Scoutvictim]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Justin,

Welcome. You are doing everything just perfectly - and you are very brave to be here. I hope you find as much friendship and compassion here as I have.

When I disclosed, I was surprised that there were far fewer questions than I thought. I first disclosed to my wife - I got very, very drunk and one night I couldn't hold in the secret any longer. I was like a pressure cooker and i just blurted it out. She was wonderful - very supportive and really didn't want a lot of details. I told her who and the time period when it happended. I have since told a lot of my friends. None of them has asked a lot of questions. Most don't know what to say except "I'm sorry"... but even my friend who is the ultimate "guy" and has a very hard time dealing with emotions, told me "It wasn't your fault)"

And that is something that we all need to remind ourselves of, over and over, it wasn't our fault - none of it.

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#228545 - 06/02/08 05:05 PM Re: new here [Re: dannym]
rehpotsirhcs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/10/07
Posts: 204
Justin,

Welcome to MS. I don't want to sound like I am just copying everything the other guys wrote, but I'm glad you hit the sumbit button. Recovery is a hard thing to do and it takes many brave and couragous steps. I think joining this site is one of those courageous steps. I'm glad you are willing to get to know people and I think it will help you in your journey.

Just my thoughts,
Chris


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#228556 - 06/02/08 06:17 PM Re: new here [Re: rehpotsirhcs]
ktaylor7 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/02/08
Posts: 8
Loc: South Carolina
Justin:
I am part of a Celebrate Recovery program and we have a group specifically for MS. There are many men out there that have dealt with the same things you are dealing with now. I lead a small group and everyone is welcome. Annonimity and confidentiality are a requirement. You can find a group in your area by going to celebraterecovery.com. It deals with all of life's hurts, hang-ups, and habits. Recovery starts when you begin to share your story. I first shared my story about 10 years ago and have grown to the point that I gave my testimony/story in front of our men's group at my church (probably 50 men). I know it is tough and the hardest part is realizing that it was not your fault. Hang in there. The guys here will listen and not judge you. I will be praying for you.

_________________________
Ken T.

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