I have had so many thoughts and feelings over the last few days I have lost count. Here is my question:
How can I validate my thoughts and feelings without relating in terms of sex?
It is so embedded in who I am that changing my ways seems impossible. I hear so many say witness your feelings or don't push them away, I want nothing more to take this approach and I tell myself this everyday yet it does not internalize.
Most of my previous posts mention same sex attraction, well the truth is yes these feelings are there and yes I am confused to no end but I don't want these issues guiding my life anymore. Teach me what it is I need to learn and move on that's all I want. I rely so much of who I am on sexuality, it seems I don't know anything else. Even when I am not thinking of sex I force myself to. Oh I don't feel attracted to anyone today well there must be something wrong with me. It is very cyclical indeed and I want to be able to stop it somewhere.
Do I dare ask the why questions, do they have the answers. Why do my attraction work the way they do? Nobody can tell me that not even the best therapist in the world. I am not cynical but many people have said just let it be and it will resolve in time.
How much time? When because life keeps moving and it doe not slow for anyone. When my future is uncertain in so many ways how do I live day to day. These issues are here and they are very real, I don't have to rhyme them off so many of us deal with similar emotions. So for now I have to be patient I guess and step back from myself and let things happen but when so much of your old defense tactics no longer work it's tough planting your two feet firmly and saying I will survive.
I don't have the answers, I barely know the questions.
I am the warrior.