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#227832 - 05/30/08 01:28 PM new to group and gay
unitedfit Offline


Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 10
Loc: New York
I wanted say hi to the other gay men in this group. I think this sight has been a great resource and even better that gay men,transexuals and any type of man are able to find this great web sight to come together.

Also any advice on reversing the sexual triggers that cause a guy to look for simailr patterns to there abuse please post.





Edited by unitedfit (05/30/08 01:41 PM)

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#227838 - 05/30/08 01:46 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: unitedfit]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
yeah!!!! We heart gays!!! welcome!


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#227886 - 05/30/08 05:07 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: Jarrad]
Scoutvictim Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri
Jarrad,

Did you mean ... We <3 Gays!!! Or... we Hart gays!!! \:D

Unitedfit,

I'll just say, Hi right back at 'cha! Welcome to MS, I think you have found a very supportive place. The guys here are some of the greatest guys I have ever met. Pull up a chair and stay awhile. Ask anything and I am sure you will get some great response.

As to your current question... hmmmmmmmmm

I will have to think about it, and get back to you.

TTYL,
Carl (Hart) \:D

_________________________
Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

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#227887 - 05/30/08 05:07 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: Jarrad]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
I don't know how to give advice for finding similar patterns, but I know it's common. I hope you can find the answers. \:\)

Welcome United! \:\)

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#228099 - 05/31/08 11:44 AM Re: new to group and gay [Re: AndyJB2005]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Welcome bro. Maybe just realizing you have that pattern is a good start because now you can remind yourself that what you are perceiving might be more that pattern than reality and you can take it with a grain. As for how to overcome it, probably need therapy for that.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#228121 - 05/31/08 01:29 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: blueshift]
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
*shameless plug*

you are also welcome to join us for 'Mos on a Mission. Here is a link for with more info

http://malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=212332&page=3#Post212332


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#230569 - 06/12/08 12:53 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: Jarrad]
JasonSmalls Offline
Guest

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I say "Gay all the way! If you're gay (and 16-18 and cute) you can stay. Hip-hip Hooray for being gay! Who's gay? Oh! You don't say? Now this is gay day! Okay? Are you str8? I can show you the way! The way to be gay!"

Ok gues you can see I'm bored.

Welcome unitedfit.

Joey


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#230589 - 06/12/08 02:39 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: JasonSmalls]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
unitedfit,

If you don't have a therapist, I'd recommend that you start looking for one. There's a section of this site on finding a therapist that is very helpful. There are good therapists who have worked with male victims of childhood sexual assault and there are not so good ones that are totally clueless about it.

Sexual triggers are something that it will take time to deal with. Knowing that they are triggers and what your past response to them has been is a good start.

Take good care of yourself and welcome to the site.

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#230714 - 06/13/08 10:30 AM Re: new to group and gay [Re: Stephen_5]
unitedfit Offline


Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 10
Loc: New York
Thanks Steve for your response I do have a Psychiatrist and seems many time syou can get great advice or diffrent ways to look at things especially triggers. I hope to meet many men that want to learn and grow


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#231509 - 06/17/08 03:05 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: unitedfit]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
last time i looked on the list it was quite sparse

not that many had listed themselves

glad u have a therapist

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#231644 - 06/18/08 12:14 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: unitedfit]
cbfull Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: unitedfit
...any advice on reversing the sexual triggers that cause a guy to look for simailr patterns to there abuse[?]


Should I be surprised that answering that question does not appear to be at or near the top of everyone's list of keys to recovery?

I started a thread about that recently ("My Flashback Experience") and came up with a way of 'reprocessing' the traumatic experiences during flashbacks, and the key (for me at least) is being proud of the flashback experience by sharing it with others who are close to me as well as bringing it here. I think the best word to describe how one might go about sharing the reality of the flashback experience with anyone we want would be to share it, "shamelessly".

It is already widely accepted and understood that flashbacks are caused by the failure to properly process the traumatic experience initially (which is of course no fault of our own). Thus it is logical to expect that resolution should or could be the result of using each other as well as professionals as a resource to properly process the emotions that we re-experience during the flashback period, and understanding that your thought process (beliefs) need to be replaced or, "updated". Until the beliefs and subsequent emotions that are intrinsic to the flashback experience are processed successfully, they will persist.

I think I killed the thread by over-intellectualizing it too soon, but feel free to bring it back to life or better yet, start your own!

Craig

_________________________
Craig

Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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#231653 - 06/18/08 01:09 PM Re: new to group and gay [Re: cbfull]
charles law Offline


Registered: 06/04/08
Posts: 28
Loc: perth australia
Hi Craig,

I am new here and for me flashbacks wasnít a happy experience for all in all it would send me hiding and crying I would quit a job or leave a situation and say a prayer asking God to help it didnít matter if God was real or not I just needed someone bigger than me to help deal with it.. And I kind of do the same for anxiety and panic attracts those where the days of being young for the most I didnít know what was happening to me.

Now as an adult only in threading situations flashbacks come back so for me itís about keeping safe and not put myself in harms way.

And as for looking for similar sexual patterns of abuse..

well for me as a teenager being highly sexual I realize I still played the victim in aspect to being pickup by strangers and going off with them, I meet in bars clubs and pub toilets but never let anyone go near my butt this played out for ages even when I met someone while I was in relationships until now when I realized what I was doing. I always look for older male and even in my relationships.

I think that somethingís I have been played out and others I had to fight out as in making sure I wasnít the perp and hurt others in my mind and life I stood up for people being abused or help them to find help. Remembering the suffering that it caused helped me see that I would never be a perp.

Charles auWarrior
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post230919



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