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#227097 - 05/27/08 02:48 PM education and abuse
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
There is a topic that i have pondered for some time now. I have been asked many times how did i get to where i am today in my recovery. i have never clearly understood the practical steps towards recovery. Sure, i know the emotional process but what really did it for me was the following.

1. I really made a commitment to myself that i was not going to live the rest of my life as i did the first half of my life.

2. Accepting all that has happened to me regardless of how i felt about it or how it was affecting me.

3. My revelation: Education. In the course of trying to articulate my recovery i realized that the most important step in my recovery ( meaning the practical things i could do) was educating myself as much as i could.

after i made the commitment to recovery. i remembered what i did to facilatate this process. I realized that most of my life i was just dealing with the emotions and not attacking the real problems that resulted from the abuse. I needed knowledge and a lot of it. i began major research into abuse and its affects and how my abuse related to others.

I hit the books, the internet, and yes i even spent time monitoring the pedifile recovery web sites (i am a believer in knowing your enemy).

I think many of us need to realize that having acute knowledge about what has happened is as important as just dealing with the feelings left by the abuse.

Knowledge really is power.

your thoughts please


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#227110 - 05/27/08 03:28 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: justanother121]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I agree with knowledge is power. When I first became aware that I was just treating the emotions/symptoms and not to problem I was empowered and set about to learn all I could. It has helped me a lot and allowed me to help others as I share what I have learned.


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#227149 - 05/27/08 06:26 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: Freedom49]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Thats about the same approach I took toward recover. Knowledge is power. Once I understood more about my abuse and the abuser I was able to release much of the guilt, shame & fear.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
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#227158 - 05/27/08 06:53 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: GateKPR4]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
I totally agree. Being angry without understanding what and who you are angry at leads nowhere. Understanding CSA, how prevalent it is, and why it happens, all leads to healing the survivor. Additionally, I have spent a lot of time over the years speaking out against CSA and trying to protect children today. Talking about this issue as much as possible really helps to solidify in my own brain that “it wasn’t my fault”, and helps to “retrieve some of my lost power”. Educating oneself, and others, about CSA leads to recovery.


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#227170 - 05/27/08 07:30 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: scotia1]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
i dont agree

knowledge is not power, you can have lots of knowledge but not know how to use it (i know the distinction becomes a little blurred and you could argue definitoin against me successfully if you really want to lol)

instead i say wisdom is power

as long as you define wisdom as the quantity that defines ability to use knowledge in a correct or effective way

like i hear people say here sometimes:

'you can have my advice, i'm not using it' (or something like that)

hence knowledge isn't power, but wisdom is (although yes i know that quote is suppose to be humorous but you get my point)

anyway i just like to see wisdom as an application of knowledge, and perhaps in that sense a tool, and knowledge as the raw material

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#227173 - 05/27/08 07:37 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: king tut]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
good point

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_ô¿ô_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#227264 - 05/28/08 02:40 AM Re: education and abuse [Re: GateKPR4]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
I really think we all need 2 hear from folks who have made enough progress in recovery that they really feel they are stronger and are actually winning! Not just how they did it, but that they did it!

It's so easy to get to feeling like it's all hopeless sometimes.
Thanx for the hope! \:\)

P.S. Speaking of hope, here's a funny Obama campaign add a friend e mailed me recently:

http://www.ufppc.org/content/view/7447/



Edited by blueshift (05/28/08 02:48 AM)
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#227277 - 05/28/08 06:50 AM Re: education and abuse [Re: blueshift]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Wisdom is a tough one. I am still not sure I know what it means. But I'm only a young pup. Maybe I'll know when I'm 80 years old. Until then, best I can do is think it through.

Is wisdom without knowledge possible? Yeah but it wouldn't be useful without knowledge. I think it's still kind of just like knowledge. It's like in common speech, if we know an old timer knows a lot, we say "He's very wise".

Knowledge helps you understand and make meaningful what has happened to you. So yeah, knowledge is power. It is a tool we use to help us solve life's problems. Wisdom is great too.

Maybe wisdom is just that state of mind that comes when you not only know a whole shitload, you also know how to use that shitload of knowledge to make life go well in a very general sense. When I talk with Roger and other guys here who've been around and have the benefit of a whole shitload of knowledge and how to make life go well, I get that sense of 'wisdom' from them. For my own recovery, wisdom is going to be when I know the best times to listen, and when to talk, when to act, and when to observe, when to be still, and when to act. Since starting recovery it's like I'm a kid relearning the whole life thing. I'm not there yet. But it'll come (how wise of me to say!).

I've never been to a pedophile recovery website but ewe, man, it sounds gross and you've got a lot of guts read that stuff. I loved when you said you 'need to know your perpetrator'. That makes perfect sense to me. If you ever want to share that knowledge in a thread I'll certainly read it. The only issue I see in reading those particular guys is that while reading it I have to keep in mind these are 'recovering' pedophiles and, bless them, but they may be very different kinds of guys than the hard core 'non recovering' types. I'd like to know if they fear capture, what makes them fear capture and disclosure, what triggers them, what makes them angry, what makes them act irrationaly, or disclose themselves, and so on.

I've spent some time using Google Scholar to search out whatever I can find on perpetrators. They are part of the abuse scenario and so if I want to understand the 'whole thing' then knowing these guys is part of the task. What I've learned is that these guys very often are drunks, are addicts, can very often have multiple victims, may be married, ... you get the drift. Not a lot of overly useful stuff yet. But it'll come.

PS Roger isn't an 'old timer' age wise. I think he's 38 isn't he? \:\)



Edited by hogan_dawg (05/28/08 08:32 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#227526 - 05/29/08 03:46 AM Re: education and abuse [Re: hogan_dawg]
scotia1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 05/27/07
Posts: 81
Well, some may not agree, but I know this approach has helped me. Like many, I keep the secret for too long inside. I kept it inside because I was ignorant. I was ignorant because I didn't underatnd. Once I let it out I felt better. I will continue to learn and talk about child abuse simply because I KNOW it will help. Knowledge really is power!


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#227597 - 05/29/08 01:03 PM Re: education and abuse [Re: scotia1]
justanother121 Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 24
thanks every one


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