I’m thinking that maybe I feel a little different from those who have had similar experiences because I was forced away from the environment. I didn’t turn 18 and move away from the abuse willingly. I was 14, and was taken away from my mom and uncle by force and placed first, in a foster care facility for a few days, and later with my grandparents, who eventually adopted me.

I’m thinking that maybe part of me believes that I was robbed of being with my mother and uncle and I feel betrayed by them and the legal system that swore to protect me and other kids like me. Part of me is angry that I was taken from them to be honest. Yeah, I know how painful and crazy the stuff was while I was living with them, but still, there’s a part of me that feels like it wasn’t fair that I was taken away. Almost like I was kidnapped from them.

I don’t know really. I’m getting so many mixed emotions over the last week, I don’t know what to feel anymore. I try to just sit back and think things out, but I get confused, angry, and upset. I find it hard to believe that I was born to be used simply as a sexual object, but I’m also having a hard time convincing myself that that hasn’t been my only purpose in life anyway.

Ummm… I dunno why I write some of the stuff I do. I think I’m just thinking out loud or with my fingers.

Joey

Joey,
I have found it very theraputic to write stuff out here on the boards. Even if a times it did not make much sense to me, later when I go back and look I can see the evolution of my thoughts and it helps. You are doing good keep posting away. Maybe that light bulb will pop on at some point.

Hi Joey,

No question being abused can create all kinds of confusion. Combine that with where you have been and it is not surprising you are feeling all kinds of things. Hopefully, you have had a chance to work with a therapist as we often need someone to help us sort out what happened to us vs who we are. I know that was very useful for me.

Don't try to handle this on your own because it is much bigger than you are. Lots of help here and hopefully, you will find lots of information and support here. The best to you.

Ron

here on this forum joey, you're permitted and encouraged to think out loud with your fingers.