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#227132 - 05/27/08 04:55 PM Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Well, just my luck. Things were going well. I have felt some changes. I go to my second T appointment. She thinks I should see someone else. She fuckin quit. To make matters worst. She went to say that the CSA is not the root of my problem. The problem that I have led to the CSA. If you understand that, you are smarter than I am.

So, here I am again not knowing what to do. I am just piss that I wasted a month. Just to find out that she does not have time for me. I knew that on the first call.

So, I will wait for the doctors to get together for happy hour. And decided who is going to see me. Oh wait it is just another month. With my luck, that T wont want to see me.

I am still pissed.




Edited by tazrad (05/27/08 04:55 PM)

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#227138 - 05/27/08 05:09 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
ouch! i am sorry to hear that tazrad! hang in there, once you find the right one, things will get better

_________________________
My Story

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#227140 - 05/27/08 05:20 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: terpprm]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I agree with terpprm, hang in there. The right will will appear and you will get the help you need.


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#227178 - 05/27/08 07:51 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: Freedom49]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I don't understand her reasoning but its probably better to have another T than listen to this one.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#227188 - 05/27/08 08:07 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: GateKPR4]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Sorry this worked out like this, Tazrad, but if you think about it then it is better to learn early on if she was not the right T for you than after you had invested a lot of time with her. Some Ts are just not the right ones for us. Earlier this year, I started with a new one and after 3 sessions I fired him. He said some really stupid stuff to me, so it was time to let him go. I hope you have good luck in searching for another one. Keep looking.

_________________________
Eddie

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#227200 - 05/27/08 08:45 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Sounds like you are better off getting out sooner than later.


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#227204 - 05/27/08 09:06 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
jcf1957 Offline
Guest

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Tazrad;

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. In in the end it wouldn't surprise me if she really wasn't qualified to handle your case. I went through a similar experience.
In retrospect I would feel no different than what your feeling.
It's like the bitch betrayed you leading you down the golden path of promising recovery and for what ? Just to make a cheap damned buck. Regrettably; not all shrinks are thoroughly trained.
Indeed; some are just plain rookies and others specialize with CSA, and Adult cases.
Tazrad; I know it's a royal pain in the ass but in time you'll find another therapist. Hang in their friend.




Edited by jcf1957 (05/27/08 09:10 PM)
_________________________
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.
Anonymous

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#227206 - 05/27/08 09:18 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: jcf1957]
thecoopstah Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
I agree entirely with all the men on here although it is hard and loss can always set us back however i am convinced you're going to be okay even though you feel otherwsie.

Some T's are actually a little intimidated and have not had the one-one and the know how to help and guide people with csa,for whatever reason,i give you all the courage in the world to even sit through a session period afterall dealing with our abuse and sitting with a stranger can be rough.

I will not talk about my experiences with T's because i have been real fortunate in that area.

You're going to get through this and it is a HUGE BONUS for you that you are no longer seeing this T because god knows if you did in fact invest alot of time and emotional energy and trust and then have the T leave and abandon you because that is what it feels like would be detremntal to your over mental health.

I truly wish you peace and comfort through the healing of your past.

god bless and if you need to chat i'll be here or if not send me a PM i'll reply in a jiffy.
Take care my friend you're worth every last bit and more that recovery from csa has to offer.Most people in our shoes are to afraid to face the demon of our own personal health you on the other hand have the courage you might not believe in.However you're a good person and no one can take that away from you .....NEVER.

Coop

_________________________
" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

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#227209 - 05/27/08 09:28 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: thecoopstah]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
I think the fact that she believes your issues led to your CSA is definitely a good indication that this is actually a good thing. She's basically blaming your issues for the abuse, which is a load of crap. That's like blaming a handicapped kid for being vulnerable and being abused. She's completely ignorant of CSA issues and you are definitely far better off without her.

I know this hurts because you looked hard for a T, but believe me, no T is far better than a bad T. There are lots of guys here who can testify to that.

Hang in there, keep looking and use the Therapists Guide to shopping to find a good one!


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#227214 - 05/27/08 09:39 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: JustScott]
sabata Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1948
you were just a boy-------------how did your problem lead to csa-this shrink needs to be shrunk


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#227219 - 05/27/08 09:50 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: sabata]
Pete2004 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Gregg:

I agree with JustScott and sabata... Saying that your problem lead to the CSA puts the blame on your shoulders NOT the Perp's. A lot of us (for what ever reason) were vulnerable to the Perp's grooming.... It doesn't mean that we started it or that it was our fault. For crying out loud, we were only mixed up innocent kids taken advantage of.

Sounds like she did you a favor... She doesn't understand CSA.

Peter

_________________________
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

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#227245 - 05/27/08 11:17 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: sabata]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
We're trained by society and the media into believing that psychologists always have the right answers. People want to think that when we experience something as horrific as we have, all we need is a therapist to make us feel better again. People don't want to consider that this type of pain will never go away. They prefer the world to be clear-cut and fair.

Therapists can be just as stupid as everyone else. And, like everyone else, many therapists need to believe that traumatic things simply don't happen to good children. The truth frightens and disturbs them.

I've never had much success with therapy. I went through a similar betrayal, when I told a therapist at nineteen about my CSA and was disbelieved. Anyone who was abused knows that your therapist is a moron. Shrug it off. She's wrong. It's as simple as that.


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#227250 - 05/27/08 11:35 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: sabata]
terpprm Offline
Guest

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 312
Loc: Elyria, Ohio
if it makes you feel any better, i will send you my 3 year old nephew who could "therapise" you better than that trickster!!!! sorry. i thought it was funny and would lighten the mood. but sad thing is, somehow i think there's more truth to that than we think.

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My Story

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#227262 - 05/28/08 02:23 AM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: terpprm]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Hey, I totally agree with everyone here; that therapist needed to go! Just 'cause someone has somehow acquired a license to be a therapist doesn't mean they are up to the job. I've had an idiot or two myself. There are good Ts out there, but the sad thing is that you usually have to waist some time with the bad ones before you find out how bad they are.

Hang in there, man, and don't be afraid to fire your T as soon as you start feeling like they are full of it! I'm a believer in trusting your instincts when it comes to that kind of thing.

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#227310 - 05/28/08 10:33 AM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: blueshift]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Yeah I should have walk out when she said she couldn't help. That would have saved me $25 and hearing that next comment.

I am just confused about the comment. I tried to forget it and dismiss it but I guess I need to talk about it more.

I just dont want to start over even through it has been only a few weeks.

Sorry for this. THAT FUCKING BITCH!!

Thanks everyone


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#227314 - 05/28/08 10:52 AM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
I think her comment was completely and totally wrong and unfair man. It's like telling someone you have a secret and then walking away and not telling them anything. It was flat out cruel. She said she couldn't help you, but then threw something out there that somehow hinted she knew what your problem was, but wasn't going to tell you.

Frankly, she's full of crap. Truth is, she doesn't know at all. Probably has no education or understanding of survivor issues.

Yes, She was definitely a bitch. She should have just said she couldn't help you and left it at that, at worst. At best, she should have said she couldn't help you, and then offered a list of people that she has contact with that do have training in SA issues. The fact that she didn't, tells me that for her it's probably more about the money than helping people. If she really cared, she would have done some digging and at least tried to find someone who could help you.


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#227316 - 05/28/08 11:13 AM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: sabata]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Her reasoning makes no sense to me.

She's blaming the victim. God love her, the bitch.

My therapist just missed our 9 AM Wednesday appointment and it appears she is saying we never had a 9 AM Wednesday appointment (even though I asked specifically for a consistent and regular appointment time every week, Wednesday at 9 AM). If that's truly what she's saying, we certainly won't be having any more 9 AM Wednesday appointments, or any others.



Edited by hogan_dawg (05/28/08 11:16 AM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#227333 - 05/28/08 12:52 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: hogan_dawg]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3365
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Greg,

Man - I'm really sorry it went so badly with her - it's very obvious to me from what she said that she has NO clue of how to work with male survivors of CSA (especialy considering the fact that she would'nt explain what she even meant by the comment) - I know it hurts right now - but i think in the long run it's a good thing that she told you up front that she thinks you should see someone else who may be better trained to help you - not all T's specialize in helping male CSA survivors - it really is best to find one who does if one is availiable - and it does sound to me as if she understood that she herself was not going to be the best T for you...

hope to catch up with you in chat soon...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#228513 - 06/02/08 02:38 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: TJ jeff]
tazrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 88
Loc: FL USA
Well, after a week to think about it. I am still pissed.

My wife called her for an explanation.

Originally Posted By: email
She said “it seems as though your communication issues were around before the CSA and that maybe the CSA was made worse because you were not able to communicate to anyone about it”


The only think it can the T is a mind reader because after 1 one hour session she come up with that. I am glad she quit but it would have helped me more if I had fired her.

I am found another T. My first appointment is tomorrow. So, I am moving foward. Thanks to everyone.

Gregg




Edited by tazrad (06/02/08 02:39 PM)

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#228604 - 06/02/08 09:03 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
May well be that she was not comfortable with the subject and "fired" you. Don't take it personal. She just is not equipped to deal with the subject. Consider yourself lucky, especially if you get someone who is better versed in male victimization issues.

Bring your copy of "A Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping" to reduce the liklihood of another who isn't well-versed in the subject.


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#228605 - 06/02/08 09:06 PM Re: Just my Luck, F@cking T Quit [Re: tazrad]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Originally Posted By: tazrad
To make matters worst. She went to say that the CSA is not the root of my problem. The problem that I have led to the CSA. If you understand that, you are smarter than I am.

So, here I am again not knowing what to do. I am just piss that I wasted a month. Just to find out that she does not have time for me. I knew that on the first call.

So, I will wait for the doctors to get together for happy hour. And decided who is going to see me. Oh wait it is just another month. With my luck, that T wont want to see me.

I am still pissed.


First off, it sounds like your ex-T has issues herself and may be unqualified for her position. We all had vulnerabilities and problems before we were sexually abused. No matter how old we were. However, CSA made our life much harder and dealing with it is nothing short of appropriate. She was wrong for using the generalized statement of saying your problems caused your CSA. Sounds a bit ludicrous to me.

In the past, I viewed my CSA as the center of all of my problems. I thought that every fault I had, every issue, every problem was based on the fact that I suffered from CSA. Almost as if, I would have been perfect if it hadn't happened.

The truth is, no one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, regardless of whether or not they've had to face CSA. We are not the only ones that have had to feel anger, sadness, and shame. We may have felt much more of it than others but, that can be changed. Not the past, but how we live our present day life. Coming from someone who has reaped the benefits of recovery, and has been there and bought the T-shirt, life does get much much better. You can do it and you will if you keep on believing in yourself.

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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