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#226413 - 05/24/08 07:32 PM .
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:43 PM)

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#226422 - 05/24/08 08:29 PM Re: Father and son/relationship [Re: bardo213]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am not sure totally what you ask. But I will say, we can not change anyone in our lives, no matter what we want to do, or what would be preferable. It is up to the other person to make those massive changes, and they normally won't and can't do it just because we want them to. I guess perhaps the best thing would be to decide how importent this relationship is to you if he doesn't change, since it is looking like he isn't going to. You have already told him how it makes you feel that he drink around you, and he still do it. He is not treating you with any respect, and it seem very much that he is not ready to change. So perhaps, it would be best for you to start distancing from him, and accepting the idea that this father-son relationship perhaps won't happen. I am sorry, but as I say, you can not make it change, since you can not change him.

andrei


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#226778 - 05/26/08 10:42 AM Re: Father and son/relationship [Re: ak]
hogan_dawg Offline
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Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Yeah my Dad is a drunk too. And a perpetrator. There's a high incidence of alcoholism among perpetrators, btw, as booze seems to be their drug of choice.

Drunks make promises they don't keep. They explode with anger and violence. They're stupid when their IQ drops with every greedy gulp of booze.

I find it odd that you want to become closer to him. Why do you want to do that?

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#226968 - 05/26/08 09:51 PM . [Re: hogan_dawg]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:43 PM)

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#227145 - 05/27/08 05:40 PM Re: Father and son/relationship [Re: bardo213]
LW1527 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/08
Posts: 408
Loc: Salt Lake City Ut
Dad was a drunk. He's dead now. Could I have done somthing differently? No. Could things have improved between us? No. Sometimes we just need to cut our loses and move on. We need to get out of the toxic relationship and if that means moving away, then we have to do it. Toxic relationships are bad for us. We need to get away from them and not blame ourselves what didn't happen or for what did. Dad should have known better. Fathers have a lot of power over their sons. They can make us or break us. Let go of dad and move on.


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#227265 - 05/28/08 03:11 AM Re: Father and son/relationship [Re: LW1527]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
All my own experiences and those I've heard from others thus far has told me that people who don't want to change won't no matter how much we try to get them to. I think it ultimately comes down to a decision about whether U can accept him the way he chooses to be or not, and if not, then choose not to spend time with him.

I'm certainly not saying that that's an easy choice to make, but I really believe it's the easier alternative to trying to change someone who doesn't want to change.

_________________________
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My Art

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#227444 - 05/28/08 09:12 PM . [Re: blueshift]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 04:43 PM)

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