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#226771 - 05/26/08 10:17 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: hogan_dawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Couple of lithium. That's my next route. Finding a psych that will give me meds. Just long enough for me to get this stuff wrapped back up. Then, if they're really good - and can help me not have to admit any of the shit happened - I'll keep taking them.

With or without the meds - the final goal is the same. Tie up all the trash and shove it off on a shelf somewhere and go back to the life I had when I didn't have to admit any of this ever happened.

M


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#226784 - 05/26/08 10:59 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: MarkK]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Fair enough. If the stink doesn't come back, you've got it beat! When that happens, and you're sure it worked, tell me how you did it. \:\)

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#226788 - 05/26/08 11:08 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: hogan_dawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
and I'm sure it worked? I won't be "sure it worked" until the day I die and I can say it never came back.

So I guess this means don't hold your breath waiting to hear from me...

M


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#226790 - 05/26/08 11:19 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey \:\) the thing I found with trust Mark is that I still get hurt sometimes with the people I trust, but the big difference is I know that it wasn't where they were coming from. There was no "I'm going to hurt this person", knowing what was in there heart has made the pain much less when the hurt came. I guess I've figured that this is a necessary evil to being unfrozen. I just feel like I'm alive now Mark, sure I have a hard time with the emotions too but at least I'm feeling something now.

I still don't cry in front of people Mark, even people I know would have absolutely no problem with it. But I sure do cry when I put my music on. I've got lots to cry about.

Lots of my trust to you Brother, don't ever think the issue is one sided

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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#226792 - 05/26/08 11:23 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: mogigo]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
Ok Mark you're in the driver's seat. Enjoy the ride. \:\)

Let me leave things way open: PM me any time, send me a private message, or whatever you like. Or a postcard from Tahiti with dancing native hula girls!

_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

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#226795 - 05/26/08 11:33 AM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: mogigo
but the big difference is I know that it wasn't where they were coming from. There was no "I'm going to hurt this person", knowing what was in there heart has made the pain much less when the hurt came.

That then must be the secret of trust. When the hurt comes, you hold onto the trust, not the hurt. You still believe you know the person's heart - you don't lose the trust because of the hurt.

I am so NOT there. I don't know if I ever will be. The people that hurt me, humiliated me, tortured me - were all people who "loved me beyond measure." And when I kept with the trust - the hurt kept coming back. I have no idea how you learn to let go of the hurt and hang on to the trust. I'm not even sure that it's even possible for me.

Originally Posted By: hogan_dawg
Or a postcard from Tahiti with dancing native hula girls

You ever get a postcard from me with girls on it - you can safely assume I have gone over the deep end and am locked in some mental hospital somewhere.


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#226843 - 05/26/08 01:16 PM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: MarkK]
hogan_dawg Offline
Guest

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 492
I do not know your medical requirements. Nor your needs exactly. Nor your abuse history. So take these with a grain of salt.

The first is a new drug for PTSD.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11822998

The second is a new generation anti psychotic. It helps anxiety, helps get rid of the fear, anxt.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyprexa

If you approach a doc he may suggest one of these. Probably not. But these are 'types' of drugs that can be given out to people with similar situations.



Edited by hogan_dawg (05/26/08 01:20 PM)
_________________________
I can say unequivocally that the lie of "To truly heal you must first forgive" has derailed more victims than the abusers themselves.
Andrew Vachs, 2003

Top
#226847 - 05/26/08 01:32 PM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: hogan_dawg]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
then again, nothing might help
more likely the case
it's amazing. everyday i tell myself i can't take anymore, then everyday i take more. i deal with more. i don't know why. don't know how. just don't know.

and anymore i dunno that i care.
maybe i need sleeep


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#226855 - 05/26/08 02:03 PM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: MarkK]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Zyprexa works great for me as a quick fix when I take a dive or get too manic. It is fast acting and not habit forming. I have used it many times to get out of a bad funk or hyper sensitive paranoid state. lol I sound crazy but hey thats the way it is.

Zyprexa stops racing thoughts high/low and really levels me out.
This is how it works on me. I can't say what it will do for you.

I can say from experience that it worked the fastest with least side effects than any of the 25-30 medications I have been on.

I currently take Lamictal 50mg. and its working pretty good.
I don't do well with SSRIs "prozac, lexapro, paxil, zoloft or SNRIs "Effexor" as they take too long to work and I have a hard time getting off them. They also made me emotionally flat as in feeling very little of anything.

One thing about Zyprexa is it has a tendency to cause weight gain. Thats why I only use it in crisis. Besides that long term therapy didn't work out all that well for me. But its a great short term fix.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
__m_τΏτ_m__
|| || || || || || |

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#226858 - 05/26/08 02:09 PM Re: Do feelings have color? [Re: GateKPR4]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
thanx again guys.
if i get out of this funk or whatever it is i'm in - maybe i'll get with a dr and see if there's a med.
in the past couple hours my mood has been taking a nose dive
and i'm thinking maybe there is no real fix
other than either just living thru it
or not

i haven't gotten to the point of flipping a coin yet so i must be ok still, huh?


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