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#226186 - 05/23/08 09:56 PM Advice please! :-)
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
So on Sunday morning I'm having breakfast with two guys I know that are mutual friends of this other friend I have, Steve. Actually, the two guys are really "friends of a friend" more than mutual friends, and for some reason they're coming to town and wanted to get together for a meal. I said sure to their invite.

Well anyway, Steve and I were really close. I say "were" because we had a falling out about 6 months ago and mostly don't talk any more. Well, Steve knows about my sexuality issues, and he knows about the abuse from my father. We were half-way in a relationship, I guess...although I was resisting A LOT for a long time. We lived together in 2004. In later years I gave a little and we slept together a few times but nothing much more.

Anyway, so yeah -- Steve and I are sort of sore at each other...it's a really long story...but I need advice.

If they bring up Steve what do I do? I don't know if I should talk bad about Steve to them since they're still friends with him, but I don't know if I should lie either. Lying is a big trigger for me.

Help!

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#226193 - 05/23/08 10:16 PM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Andy,

perhaps the best thing is to be honest, but then do not talk of him beyond that. If his name come up, say something like 'You know, we rather had an issue a while ago, and have not been in contact for a little while.' and just leave it as that? To talk bad on him, it would look bad on you, and I think, is beneath you. Honesty I think is almost always best choice, and you can do it with class, which show respect to him, and to yourself as well.

Good luck,

andrei


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#226210 - 05/23/08 10:53 PM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: ak]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi Andy,

Andrei's advice is right on. If the subject of Steve comes up, keep it short and simple and leave as little room for further conversation about him as you can. Think of when you go for an interview. It's a basic rule of thumb that you don't trash your previous employer 'cause it'll only leave a bad impression on a prospective new one. You don't have to lie about anything but you don't have to tell them anything either.

ROCK ON......Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#226218 - 05/23/08 11:33 PM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: Trish4850]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Andy,

Andrei is spot on. Don't get caught up in the trap of being triangulated into a situation where what you say can later be used against you by him or them. A simple "I'd prefer not to answer that/those questions out of respect to Steve and myself", or similar should be sufficient to put it to rest.

I wish you well in your breakfast.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#226506 - 05/25/08 06:22 AM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: WalkingSouth]
KeithR Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 363
Loc: Georgia
I hope it goes ok Andy. I think you already have the right advice.

Keith


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#226656 - 05/25/08 08:58 PM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: KeithR]
grover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/28/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Tennessee
"We've kinda lost touch with each other" and leave it at that.

_________________________
Shocking revelations, we are all deeply effected.
-the Waitresses "Wise up"

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#226777 - 05/26/08 10:42 AM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: grover]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Well it went well. They didn't even bring him up during breakfast, so it was good. I wonder if they knew? *shrug*

It was kind of a short visit though. I wonder...

I think too much.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#226780 - 05/26/08 10:45 AM Re: Advice please! :-) [Re: AndyJB2005]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Glad it went well for you, Andy. And I know what you mean about thinking too much. Sometimes I think I would be a LOT better off if I didn't think at all.

_________________________
Eddie

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