Why is it so hard? That's what I keep thinking lately. Everyone has bad memories of something, and they get along just fine in life. Why is abuse so hard to overcome? Is there an answer or is that the million-dollar question all of us would like answered?
And not only is it just a bad memory that screws with you, but it affects everything that happens or doesn't happen to you forever. I'm not expert and I've only been away from the abuse for a couple of years, but shouldn't things be just a little easier than they are? I hear people saying all the time, "Nobody ever said life was easy." Ok, that's fine. But why does it have to be so hard for some of us and it looks so easy for others?
I love a boy right now. I mean I really, really love him and I soooo badly want to be with him. But I just found out yesterday that he doesn't feel the same way for me. He likes girls. Such a bummer! Just once, I'd like some guy to come up to me and be so head over heals for me like I am him. Why doesn't that shit ever happen to me? And then when I do meet someone I like and he likes me back, and I have to do all the work to get with him and show him that I'm a really great guy, I screw it up. I act like the Queer Eye guys on crack." I don't get me sometimes and it's in those times I have a very difficult time figuring out myself.
Sometimes I just go with my gut. Well, not sometimes, a lot. Unfortunately, my gut is all screwed up like my brain and I end up doing or saying the wrong things to the people I care about most. I wish I never said anything to my friend (who I'll refer to as Zack) because now there's no chance of me getting with him because he just doesn't feel the same way. Before I asked him out, at least there was still hope of "us." Now there's no hope.
And now I have nothing to daydream about except for a guy who I know I can never have.
Maybe I should buy a plane ticket to Portugal or Mongolia and put his gf on it and send her on her way so I can have him for myself. Yeah! That's an idea. I can tell Zack, that she called and said she's moving to get away from him. Ahhh... I dunno.
Sometimes I wish things were different and my life didn't happen the way it did. Oh well...